Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
"Soon all you could hear were the delicate gags and slurps from the girl on screen. I breathed deeply and looked around. I don't know what I expected." One dude's recollections from a recent porn screening party.
from left to right: Aaron, Elliott, Manner, Soapy Smiff, Organik, Phonetic, and Adamn
Excuse Guys are the worst. These dudes "would be" chasing their dreams if they just knew the right people, or didn't have to work so much, or lived in a better place. Instead, they walk around miserable, pissed-off that life didn't deal them a better hand.
DON'T BE THAT GUY.
With the Internet and affordable technology, you no longer need to be rich or connected, or live in Los Angeles to make a movie or be in Nashville to record a country song or be in New York City to perform comedy. And if you want to be involved in a scene of like-minded people, start your own! More than likely, there are other people around you who like the same thing; they're just waiting around for someone to take the first step.
For example, would you have guessed there is a passionate hip-hop scene in southeast Alaska? It's not just the land of ice and snow and dogsleds and whale-blubber lamps. There are talented rappers there like Manner and Phonetic, who in 2010 started Word 2 The Wize -- a nonprofit organization that produces battle events and hip-hop shows around Southeast Alaska, Anchorage and all the way down to Wyoming.
How many rappers are there in your Southeast Alaska scene?
The U.S. Open kicks off next weekend. The very same weekend that MTV airs the Mancation Weekend 2 marathon! Three days of guy-themed programming, featuring the premiere of "Jackass 3D."
There are only a handful of professional jackasses (above!) but plenty of amateurs who, for one reason or another, decide to become Tony Stewart behind the wheel of a golf cart. While the U.S. Open courses are too pristine for golf carts, it's high time for you, me and the four-wheeled, open-air, canopied idiot-mobile riders to dust off the clubs and hit the greens. A necessary word of caution: Don't be a jackass. But if you're born that way, check out the GIFs below, in which people went very, very wrong on a golf cart.
Getting drunk is the great adult pastime. But many people aren't satisfied with the simple act of putting a glass or bottle up to their faces and pouring alcohol down their throats. No, we are nothing if not creatures of novelty, and the dumber among us are always looking for new ways to imbibe.
This week saw the latest effort: Smoking alcohol with MacGyver-like contraptions that involve dry ice and bicycle pumps. These devices continue the proud human tradition of drinking-free drinking.
While never taking on the fame and popularity of, say, pot brownies, eating alcohol has long been popular (mainly amongst the kind of girls who still wear short-shorts with sorority letters on them). Whether it's Jell-O shots, injected fruits, cupcakes, whipped cream or even dear old grandma's rum cake, there are plenty of ways to turn booze into a solid.
People once dreamed of a future in which they'd simply take a tiny pill to get all of their necessary sustenance. That future is today. (If your daily sustenance is predominantly alcohol-based.) No word whether you'll have a sudden craving for pizza and buffalo wing pills soon afterward. Read More...
This got us remembering: Holy crap, Legos are awesome! They've taught so many kids the joys of constructing, as well as other valuable lessons relevant to being a man...
1. If you can envision it, you can build it
Photo: Emmanuel Dunand/AFP/Getty Images
It takes smarts, patience and guts to build something magnificent -- a skyscraper, a stadium, a stuffed-crust pizza -- but if you set your mind to it, anything's possible. (We're envisioning that X-Wing actually flying.... Can someone please get on that?)
If you don't support your local Twerk Team, you need to rethink your priorities. There are female athletes out there who are training hard every day to perfect this sport. They twerk on roofs, in knee socks, even in slow motion. They twerk for the fans. Don't leave them behind.
At this year's O Music Awards, which kicks off June 19th, twerking is one of five nominees for the "Friday, Friday" anti-award, which lets fans vote for the viral sensation they most want to die. We are here to discourage you from voting for twerking. It is timeless, like Shakespeare, and shouldn't be extinguished.
In our expert opinion, it'd be much smarter to vote for these other "Friday, Freaky" nominees...
1. Harlem Shake
If you're going to let an Internet dance craze die, let it be the Harlem Shake. Everybody was excited about it, except for everybody in Harlem. It sucks to have the worst dance videos imaginable named after your neighborhood. The Harlem Shake showcases average people convulsing in the worst way. Twerking is performed by women in stretch pants or batty riders. You make the choice.
2. Flash Mobs
Flash mobs are a public monument to heinous amateur dancing and lame weddings. The Queens of Twerk, in contrast, are professionals. They have a strong work ethic and they don't ruin your trip to the mall by getting married in front of a Brookstone.
We suppose it's possible for a naked marriage proposal to be romantic -- after passionate, champagne-inspired lovemaking at sunset, for example -- but 22-year-old Thomas Edwards of Florida is headed to the courthouse for a non-matrimonial reason.
Last Sunday around 4 a.m., Edwards showed up at a home where he expected his girlfriend to be, and then removed all of his clothes before getting down on one knee. Unfortunately, the homeowners weren't familiar with his would-be fiancee and called 911.
Police claim that, when asked to put some damn underwear on, Edwards spit at them, which resulted in the poor Romeo getting tasered and arrested for burglary, battery and indecent exposure. Kinda gives new meaning to the phrase "indecent proposal."
Earlier this week, we had the nauseating pleasure of attending Katz's Pastrami Sandwich Eating Competition. When the cracked pepper settled and the meat had been devoured, we spoke with contestant Tim "Eater X" Janus, who downed 16(!) sandwiches in 10 minutes. Here are his lessons on life, love and gorging this summer.
Are there any tricks for guys to scarf down more food at our BBQs?
I don't even know why you'd want to, honestly. I do this 'cause I love to compete and I make some decent money doing this, but I'd much rather...have a nice one or two sandwiches -- one or two hot dogs -- at a BBQ and have fun.
What does it take to have the heart of a champion?
I think you really gotta want something. You gotta be willing to push yourself farther than anybody. You gotta push yourself outta the comfort zone and you have to always remember what your goals are. You lose sight of those goals, even for a second, you'll let up, and that's your undoing right there.
An ideal barbecue has beers, brats and babes. How can it possibly be improved? With a POOL! But a pool party has its own special code. Avoid these fails or you could get axed from future adult swims with adult beverages.
1. Not Respecting The Cellphone During A Pool Toss
Tossing a fully-clothed friend into the pool is a hilarious, time-honored tradition. However, make sure his phone is safely on a table or poolside chair, or you might likewise be headed for a watery grave.
2. Skinny Dipping (If Nobody Else Is)
If your trendsetting attempt doesn't work, you'll be a solitary naked weirdo in broad daylight. With shrinkage.