Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Tired of sitting in a chair because of that pesky erection? Got places to go and people to see, but your annoying boner keeps getting in the way? Here are some exciting new ways to hide a boner so you can get back to the boner-free life you deserve.
1. Carry A Briefcase
Credit: Getty Images
No one will suspect you of hiding an engorged penis when you're an important businessman with important business to conduct.
Filled with sloppy play and lopsided scores "Thursday Night Football" hasn't been kind to fans, however it has been kind to the teams, who are 5-1 against the spread the following week. This is a great sign for the Rams. An even better sign for the Rams is that they are going up against one of the worst teams all time in the NFL, the 2013 Jacksonville Jaguars. Much like the Cleveland Indians in the movie "Major League," this Jaguars team is pitiful. Unfortunately, it's tough to imagine a naked cardboard cutout of their owner Shahid Khan inspiring this team to greatness.
Seattle Seahawks At Indianapolis Colts
Unlike RGIII,Russell Wilson and Andrew Luck are on track to avoid the Sophomore Slump by leading their teams to a combined 7-1. Even more impressive is the Seattle Seahawks are undefeated against the spread -- covering every game so far in the 2013 season. The Colts are a solid team especially at home, but this Seahawks team is on another level. When you're playing so well that opposing teams fans are burning their QBs jerseys, you know you've really achieved greatness.
It's no coincidence that, just as you're starting to think about what you want for Christmas, a bunch of new smartphones are hitting the market. The important thing isn't screen inches or processing power or camera megapixels -- it's how masculine you feel while holding it. Since nothing's manlier than DIY improvements, we've got some suggestions for random junk to attach. Bonus points if you use duct tape, which might not look so pretty on your shiny new toy, but why would a guy like you care 'bout that?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again.
Justin Baker of Boynton Beach, Florida was arrested for allegedly attempting to sell cocaine and prescription painkillers to an undercover police officer. That's dumb enough as it is, but Baker had already been arrested twice this year for trying to sell drugs to the same undercover cop. As of last night, he remained in jail with bail set at $50,000.
To be fair, maybe the cop just has a bunch of great disguises. The first time he could've looked like a drug addict, and the next two times he looked like a sea captain and an astronaut. That's a stretch, but there are a lot of costume shops open this time of year.
The average ESPN National Cheerleading Champion doesn't pursue a career in comedy, but Syd Wilder from Seth Rogen's "This Is The End" and YouTube hit "How To Take A Slutty Selfie" is more than just another pretty face...or, pretty body...or, pretty, um...the point is, she's real pretty. Anyway, Syd called us up to chat about her latest outrageous video, "How To Twerk With Seniors" (instructing 80-year-olds in the ways of Miley Cyrus) and why guys shouldn't be afraid to date women who are funnier than us.
Thanks for taking the time to talk. How's it going? I'm hungover in bed right now -- I was out celebrating my birthday.
Is it your actual birthday today? Or yesterday? I don't really remember if it's my birthday...I think it was Thursday. It's been a week-long celebration. I hired a big fatass lady who taught twerking and booty-dancing to all my girlfriends, and we were drunk all over the floor like toddlers. That was fun.
Aren't you the twerking teacher? My girlfriends don't learn well from me.
Tailgating season is upon us. What better way to spend a weekend than packed into a crowded, overpriced parking lot with your friends, grilling, drinking and trash-talking? And now's the time to bring your tailgating experience to a new level by using the latest that technology has to offer. Keep your old rusty, trusty grill and beat-up beverage cooler -- we know that's part of the ritual -- but try adding a few of these high-tech products to make your next game day outing that much easier.
1. iGrill ($80)
The iGrill is a Bluetooth-enabled thermometer that pairs up with your Apple or Android smartphone, freeing you to walk up to 200 feet away from the grill without worrying about whether the meat's burning, so you can join in pregame banter with the group that parks behind you.
Eli Manning and the New York Giants are off to an ugly 0-4 start. However, even the most hate-filled NFC East fan couldn't use "ugly" to describe Manning's smoking hot wife Abby McGrew (left). She is easily a 9, which coincidentally is the same number of INTs Eli has thrown this year. He gets a break going against the paper-thin Philadelphia Eagles defense this week, so chalk him up for 25 points, for a combined 34.
With bye weeks facing big-name QBs, week five may be the time to give Cleveland Browns QB Brian Hoyer a chance. In only two games, Hoyer has already put up 48 fantasy points and looks to add to that number Thursday night at home against the Bills. Hoyer may be a rookie when it comes to fantasy football, but he's a seasoned pro when it comes to fantasy babes, as he locked up a long-term deal when he married Lauren Scrivens (right). She is a 9.5 and Hoyer will have a breakout game with 26 points for a 35.5 combined score.
We miss the summer already, but as the temperature drops outside, we're putting ourselves back in a tropical state of mind with social media photos from the ladies of "Guy Code." We featured Melanie Iglesias on Monday and April Rose on Tuesday, and today's all about Lisa Ramos. (With a few appearances from best friend Melanie.) Check back later this week for summer photos from Tiffany Luu and Carly Aquilino.