Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
You don't need an advanced mathematics degree to succeed at fantasy football. Instead use our patented formula, which accounts for a player's ability to score on the field and off.
Matthew Stafford Vs. Tony Romo
Photos: Getty Images
O say can you see...how amazing Kelly Hall looks in an American flag bikini. Yes, Matthew Stafford's girlfriend is a knockout who has a knack for keg stands, and it would be unpatriotic to give her anything but a 10. Not only does Stafford have a mega-babe for a girlfriend, he also gets to throw to a Megatron every Sunday, which has helped his fantasy average to a super high 24.5. I predict he'll light up the Packers' defense, and in honor of his girlfriend's bikini top I'll give him a 34 for a staggering 44 pt couple total.
Tony Romo and Stafford have a lot in common. They both play every Thanksgiving, they both put up great fantasy numbers, they both have huge contracts, they both are 6-5 and they both have struggled to succeed in the postseason. Luckily, playoff wins aren't a deal breaker for super hot blondes. Candice Crawford, a former Miss Missouri and current Mrs. Romo, is a 9.5 on my scorecard. Tony Romo, a.k.a. Mr. November, will put up a solid 22.5 against the Raiders for a total of 32.
Thursday isn't just Thanksgiving -- it's also Hanukkah, the Jewish festival of lights. All over the world for the next eight nights, Jewish guys (and gals) will be striking matches to illuminate their menorahs. We feel pretty manly while striking a match, but you can always feel manlier, so we came up with some alternative menorah-lighting methods. If you can find a way to incorporate flaming shots into your dreidel game, all the better.
During the long Thanksgiving weekend, all guys eats 10,000 calories a day and sit around watching a bunch of great football games. You have to, that's Guy Code for Thanksgiving. If you don't want to blow up like a puffer fish, you need to burn some calories from your couch.
Each Wednesday, we post a new video from "Chrissy D's Muscle Couch"on Guy Code Blog. Make sure you do the exercises tonight while watching him on "Girl Code" at 10/9c on MTV and "Guy Court" at 11/10c on MTV2.
+ Thanks to ZOOOP iT UP for providing Chris's comfy workout wardrobe.
As winter blows in with a chill and we say goodbye to pumpkin-flavored everything (good riddance), we're rounding up the best Instagram pictures from the "Guy Code" girls. Between this week and next, we're making sure you feel extra thankful for your eyes as they take in Melanie Iglesias, April Rose, Lisa Ramos, Tiffany Luu and Carly Aquilino (technically a "Girl Code" girl, but we like her too much to leave her out).
Today, we're kicking it off with Miss Iglesias. She's super sweet, super sexy and, well, just super all around. We know, we know -- less talking, more looking. Without further ado, feast your eyes on this beautiful lady's best fall Instagram photos:
Most guys never set foot inside a nail salon. If our toenails grow too long, we have power tools and teeth at our disposal. (Warning: Do NOT use power tools for personal grooming...or, uh, teeth either.) But some men don't fear the metrosexual stigma, and happily pay for manicures, pedicures and whatever the hell else goes on in those places.
Is this Guy Code-breaking vanity, or just a way to look better and score more women? That's what Judge Donnell Rawlings (whose cuticles are impeccable) must decide on this week's "Guy Court." Watch the clip below, and then tune in Wednesday for his verdict:
+ Watch "Guy Court" every Wednesday at 11p/10c on MTV2
Before social media, if you thought a model was hot, you told your friends, "Oh man, Cindy Crawford is so hot." (We're old, but for the record, she's still hot.) Actually trying to communicate with her made you stalker material. But now, models' Twitpics and Instagrams receive countless replies from thirsty fans. Spoiler alert, guys: They're probably not going to send you a DM. Actually, they might just send you a restraining order if you perv out like these lustful dudes BroBible caught oversharing on Instagram.
It's always embarrassing when you accidentally call somebody in your contacts list, but most people know a butt-dial when they hear one and soon hang up -- unlike the Arkansas man who listened in on an unintentional caller's private conversation for 1.5 hours. Because, according to police, that conversation was about murdering him.
Last week, Jonesboro cops arrested 68-year-old Larry Barnett, owner of Legend Motor Company, whom they say plotted to kill an ex-employee over monetary obligations -- but "unknowingly made" a call to his would-be victim right before the hit.
"I don't care if you have to burn his house to the ground with him in it," Barnett reportedly told a co-conspirator. "I don't care what you have to do, make it look like an accident."
The former employee alerted authorities, who arrived at his home to discover that "the gas stove had been tampered with." Gas stoves being a piece of technology that most older dudes have less trouble operating than smartphones.
Tomorrow night on "Guy Court" at 11p/10c, Judge Donnell Rawlings will deliver his ruling on whether it's against Guy Code to snap non-stop selfies at the gym. Non-stop selfies? Over here at the Blog, we think it's a violation to take even one gym selfie (unless it's intended to make your buddies laugh). However, that's just if you're a guy. For girls, it's a whole different set of rules. We're no experts on Girl Code, but from our viewpoint, ladies taking gym selfies is a wonderful thing. And not just in a pervy way, it's also motivational. It reminds guys to get their ass to the gym. To test our theory, we've collected 18 gym selfies of sexy girls. Look through all of them and just try to fight the urge to go lift.
We had a lot of fun with Damien Lemon's web series "D.Lemon In The Morning" earlier this year, and now his fellow "Guy Code" cast member Jon Gabrus has one from Comedy Central's CC: Studios. Titled "Strong Island," it's about "two young guys living at home with their mom who know that there is only one way to get ahead on Long Island: Scams and small time crimes."
Check out the trailer (which looks pretty damn intense) below, and mark your calendar for the premiere on December 9, with a new episode appearing online daily.