Awful, adjective-laced TV reviews are fun to read. It's a guilty pleasure. Take one disgusted critic's assessment of ABC's canceled sitcom "Work It," in which a pair of guys dress unconvincingly as women to get pharmaceutical sales jobs because they can't find work as men: "Everyone is blind or a fool and every situation exists only to set up something vaguely resembling a joke," writes Alan Sepinwall for Hitfix. "It's hard to tell whether the show is most contemptuous of men, women or anyone dumb enough to watch it."
Maybe there's an odd, therapeutic benefit in digesting someone else's takedown of a show, particularly someone who's sorely disappointed by a show. Maybe TV hounds are simply drawn to scathing reviews in the same way that rubbernecks can't resist scoping an accident or crime scene. It feels like some critics take real joy in spraying haterade. Whatever the reason, check out nine vicious reviews of TV's recent offerings.
As with any scientific study that unearths shocking findings, our peers in the field have been poring over our in-depth look at the hottest anchor ladies in TV news, which found that Bloomberg, not Fox News, employs the hottest anchor ladies. The folks at Business Insider found our study enlightening, though they had a couple issues with our methodology. Namely, that we ignored CNBC altogether.
Well, we're happy to announce that we've been given a grant by the American Media Studies Fellowship (not real) which will allow us to expand our investigation. Meaning more beer, more TV watching and heretofore unexamined anchors (forgive us, Julie Banderas! You were just such an obvious one that we thought we had already included you).
We must be clear--results of the original study have not been tainted; they are still fair and balanced. With the additions, Bloomberg still comes out on top and MSNBC on the bottom. But CNBC, with eight representatives, passed CNN. We never would've guessed the nerds at Bloomberg and CNBC would hire so much eye candy.
Without further ado, the results of our second round of findings: 11 more sexy anchors who we shamefully overlooked before.
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“It's funny. We’re from totally different walks of life. But when you're here, you're here.”
That's Ja Rule's sober assessment of life behind bars and the odd, unexpected friendships prison life can forge. The rapper is currently serving two years at Mid-State Correctional Facility in Oneida, New York, for having an illegal loaded gun in his Maybach after a concert in 2007. Ja Rule's new buddies, pictured above, are 71-year-old Alan Hevesi (right) and 64-year-old Dennis "Koz" Kozlowski (left), both of them given jumpsuits for financial crimes. Hevesi is serving one to four years for accepting wads of cash in a pension scam while serving as New York State's Controller; Kozlowski, the former Tyco CEO, got eight to 25 years for ripping off the company for $100 million, which he used to buy, among other things, a $2 million party in Sardinia with an ice sculpture of Michelangelo’s David pissing vodka. It's the historical, erotic way to get drunk!
Ja Rule, real name Jeffrey Atkins, whose album Pain Is Love 2 will drop on Feb. 28, has been getting stock advice from Koz and talks politics with Hevesi. "Outside, you don't meet guys like this every day," Rule said. "This place is amazing.” Who knew jail was the place to get cultured? What else do we know about these characters? Not much, really. So let's guess:
Credit: Getty Images/Dimitrios Kambouris
Conventional wisdom dictates that Fox News hires the most "talented" on-air female anchors. The network seems to draw on an apparently limitless supply of perky blonde vessels to spout right-leaning siren songs about imminent disaster and financial collapse.
But does Fox News actually have the hottest anchors, or is this just one of those accepted social "facts" that aren't really true? This being a critical election year, we cannot abide vague assumptions; we must find hard truths. So as stewards of the media, it is our responsibility to get to the bottom of this pressing issue.
We worked tirelessly, planting ourselves in front of the TV with a couple six packs, flipping between the news networks on mute. After hours of rigorously objectifying, we stumbled upon a shocking finding: Rupert Murdoch's news channel does not have the highest number of hot anchors. Nope, that title goes to Bloomberg TV. Looks like New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg knows how to pick 'em. MSNBC, on the other hand, really needs to pick up the pace.
Below, you'll find the 36 sources for our painstaking research. Media is the fourth pillar of democracy, and these anchor ladies give us a fifth pillar (in our pants).
With Valentine's Day approaching, many of you are dreading the onslaught of dinner plans and jewelry that your wallet is about to endure. Or you're shuddering from flashbacks of ex-girlfriends past, the wounds still raw. We've all been through breakups, and that two-week recovery phase is critical. Some guys drown their tears in booze while others huddle under a bridge in the rain playing the harmonica. But most of us just start listening to a lot of music, and actually pay attention to the lyrics because we have that lonely guy feeling that "NO, you don't GET IT, man, this song is speaking directly to ME." Here are 20 breakup songs to get you over that succubus and back into the game.
Inspired by a Reddit submission of a maddened Jack Nicholson from "The Shining," we decided to scan the web to see what kind of scary street art tortures unsuspecting or easily scared souls around the world. We were not disappointed by the results.
The submission was titled, "Because some graffiti you don't want to turn the corner and see at 3 a.m." Pretty much all of the pieces below meet that criteria. From the profound to perverted, graffiti to wheatpaste, dark to demented, from all around the world--Berlin, Madrid, Los Angeles, Sydney, New York--check out some of the best of scary street art.
Credit: Spencer Platt/Getty Images
If only we had listened to MTV's "Wonder Showzen," we could've avoided Wall Street's economic meltdown. See, on June 24, 2005, the demented kids' show spoof aired a segment calling out Wall Street and demanding revolution, years before Wall Street vitriol was all the rage.
Three minutes into the video below, their child correspondent asked bankers "Who did you exploit today?" and "Do you need a napkin to wash the blood off your hands?" And like when the Onion predicted Jay-Z would write a terrible rap song in honor of his daughter, this sketch predicted Occupy Wall Street: the kid called for citizens to rise up, and asked various suits where they would hide when the revolution comes.
Three years later, banking titans pinched off a steamy growler on the floor of America's (foreclosed) home. And then it took another three years for Occupy Wall Street to get its bongos act together.
If only we had known what Jon Glaser and all the whacked-out comedy geniuses at "Wonder Showzen" knew. That reminds us, we need to hit them up for their thoughts on Super Bowl wagers.
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Photo: Joe Petro/LFL Photos
It's a Lingerie Bowl rematch. Just like the NFL's championship affair--the New York Giants face the New England Patriots as they did in Super Bowl XLII--the defending champion Los Angeles Temptation will battle the Philadelphia Passion in Lingerie Bowl IX, a repeat of last year's Lingerie Bowl where the Temptation edged the Passion in a 26-25 thriller. Here's how the sure-to-be hostile contest came together and how we figure it will play out.
The Temptation won the West--its third straight Western crown--with a high-scoring first half against the Las Vegas Sin, who clipped the ladies of Cali during its undefeated regular season. The Temptation led wire-to-wire thanks to an impressive 10-15, 142 yard, three touchdown performance from quarterback Ashley Salerno, who connected with wideout Audrey Latsko for three receptions, 35 yards and two scores. Even more impressive because the Sin allowed only 76.4 yards passing per game during the regular season.
Long ago, a group of prominent individuals took it upon themselves to police those who thought they were above society. The perpetrators had gone too far. They were gaudy. Showy. Dirty rich beyond belief. Flaunted the fact that rules simply didn't apply to them. From 1487 to 1641, the Star Chamber became England's enforcement agency against the nobility, busting crowned heads and making sure that the courts' punishments were carried out.
For hundreds of years, America had run without its own Star Chamber until Ashton Kutcher took it upon himself to create "Punk'd" in 2003 and righted social order. Unfortunately, American society has gone without the show for more than four years. Our system of celebrity checks and balances is off. We need street justice for those who only walk on streets covered with red carpet.
Thankfully on March 12, "Punk'd" returns! This time, the Kutch won't be running the day-to-day. A new generation of celebs have been recruited to keep their peers in line. And to get them started, we've selected 10 celebs in need of the Star Chamber treatment.
Credit: Getty Images
Have you ever wondered what DJ Khaled's inside-voice sounds like? You're in luck, because The Check-In hosts Eric and Jeff Rosenthal persuade Ace Hood to do a spot-on impersonation of his boss during their interview below. In addition to his impersonation skills, the guys also go deep with the young rapper, discussing his commitment to hair, last year's album Blood, Sweat & Tears and even the dynamic of Miami Heat's Big Three.
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