Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
You have just a few days left to pick out a Halloween costume and, thus, you might be fretting. What the hell to be?! Well, whether you come up with something completely original, or wear these lame costumes like every other dork, it doesn't really matter.
No, on Halloween night -- for those of us over 21 -- what matters most is optimizing our costumes for pure drink-ability. Follow these tips, so you won't be the guy who has to remove his costume to actually enjoy the costume party.
1. No Mask
Sorry, but you aren't going to be able to wear that goofy Obama mask you picked out. Sure, part of the fun of Halloween is covering your face so no one knows who you are. More fun? Being able to drink without snaking a beer bottle between the tiny rubber mouth slit of your mask every time you want a sip.
2. Minimal Face Paint
OK, you really want to cover up your ugly mug, but the mask is out. Some face paint should do the trick, but use it sparingly. Too much, and we'll have a total mess on our hands. No one wants to see the sad clown dripping greasy red tears into his vodka.
Halloween's coming and there's nothing more fun than going to an awesome haunted house with your crew or a date. (She'll leap into your heroic arms!) But some houses are just haunted with low-budget cheesiness. Here are a few things to look for to make sure your major night out isn't a major bust.
1. Instead of actors dressed as zombies, they just bus folks in from nursing homes.
2. The fake blood smells like tomatoes, and the floor is littered with half-opened ketchup packets.
Another weekend's gone and you're struggling to keep your head up at school or work, mindlessly gazing out the window at increasingly bleak weather. That's a lot of downers, but cheer up, guys, because Melanie Iglesias just gave us a ray of YouTube sunshine. In this behind-the-scenes video from her recent shoot with photographer Nick Saglimbeni in L.A., the focus might be her heart-shaped sunglasses -- not, y'know, ice cream dripping all over her body -- but it'll still put a smile on your face if you've got a pulse:
No wonder Cleveland Cavaliers point guard Kyrie Irving gave Melanie a shout out on Twitter last week for "Woman Crush Wednesday":
As guys, we pride ourselves on holding nothing back. If we have a funny thought, why shouldn't it come out of our mouths? And wouldn't that "I Have A.D.D. (A Delicious D*ck)" T-shirt be a total hit at the party? The thing is, while your boys respect your utter lack of tact, you've gotta tone it down a notch around ladies. A little honesty goes a long way, so check out a couple dozen ridiculous pics of dudes who could use a lesson in subtlety...
Infusing alcohol seems difficult, like you'd need a chemistry degree or at least a certificate from bartending school. That's why most guys don't bother with it. However, thanks to an AXE Styled in Seconds workshop on mixology, I learned it's much easier, cheaper and less time-consuming than I thought.
Step One: Pick An Alcohol
Grab a bottle of booze and it doesn't need to be a good one. It can be cheap vodka, since you don't need to worry too much about the taste (although, it may still give you a killer hangover). Or it can be the random bottle that your weird friend left at your place six months ago.
Step Two: Pick A Fruit, Vegetable, Etc.
Once you pick the alcohol, then decide on what flavor you'd like. Vodka is easy because you can use just about anything. Chances are you're doing this to impress a girl (the average guy is too lazy to do this just for himself or his friends). That means you'll probably want it to be sweet, so grab strawberries, grapes or a pineapple. If you've got whiskey, then apples, bananas and vanilla beans work best to smooth out the harsh bite. Lemons, limes and jalapeno peppers go great with tequila. And cucumbers and cilantro will soften the flavor of gin. Read More...
A lot of people have drinking problems. But when you're willing to run into a blazing home to rescue your Bud Light, it's seriously time to examine your relationship with alcohol.
When his house in Columbus, Georgia, caught fire -- possibly due to a water heater malfunction -- Walter Serpit escaped with five other adults and two children...and then raced back to the inferno. "I told them to get the kids out and everything, and me myself, being an alcoholic, I was trying to get my beer out," Serpit explained to WTVM.
Hey, they say the first step is admitting you have a problem. And at least he gave priority to the kids. It's like they always say: Women and children first, then the beer.
Miraculously, Serpit saved several cans of Bud Light and made it out of the fire unscathed. Yes, cans. Not that any beer is worth risking your life for, but, c'mon, if you're gonna put your life on the line, at least do it for bottles.
The NBA season starts tomorrow. We're excited. We've spent most of the last week playing "NBA 2K14" and searching the Internet for fantasy basketball insider tips. This weekend, we stumbled upon a cool deal for NBA fans. If you buy a new adidas Stacked jersey at Champs Sports, you get coupon code for 2,000 "NBA 2K14" Virtual Currency points and a coupon for $10 off "NBA 2K14" at GameStop (in case you don't already own it or want to buy it for a Hanukkah gift).
That's a good deal. Especially if you still haven't bought a jersey to wear this season (D-Rose fans -- you know you wanna commemorate his comeback). The Stacked jerseys blend black and camouflage in with the teams' colors. It won't make you blend into the surroundings during a pickup game (we've tried), but it does look fly. And the extra Virtual Currency is nice to have, especially if you're building a monster new My Player in Career Mode.
Is it acceptable to dress as "Undead James Gandolfini" for Halloween this year? (Or, for that matter, the zombie version of a recently dead celebrity in any year?) Great question! Let's break it down...
If you're the schlubby type, then you've probably long idolized Gandolfini. His gut had gravitas. He had manboobs and they were beautiful. And now he's gone, much too soon. There could be no "sexy James Gandolfini" costume -- his animal magnetism doesn't need to be dolled up or stripped down.
Now, does this zombie costume honor the departed? Sure. He's currently starring in a film playing in theaters. Large chunks of the general public might not even recall his death. We have short memories. And don't forget that his most beloved character exists in a weird purgatory, as fans continue to debate what really happened in that Jersey diner.
All this to say, it's a good costume idea if you're obese, or if you enjoy stuffing pillows down your shirt. The undead angle taps into our cultural zombie obsession, making the costume at least twice as topical for Halloween. Hopefully somebody out there pulls it off, but it won't be easy. Don't stop believin'.
The most exciting thing about first dates is that, in a few short hours, there are millions of ways you can make a complete fool out of yourself. An infinite number, really. Your mouth is your worst enemy, so shut up and let her talk, or else you're liable to...
1. Open with how much you love three-ways.
2. Tell her she looks just like your mom, in a totally sexy way.
3. She complains about her friends. You loudly agree they all sound like horrible people.