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Celebrity Twitter Accounts That Always Seem Hacked

Posted 4/24/13 4:30 pm EST by in Celebs, Funny

Shawn "Jay-Z" Carter Celebrates The Release Of His Newest Album "Kingdom Come"
Credit: Getty Images

Yesterday's hacking of the Associated Press Twitter account resulted in a tweet they'd clearly never send, which temporarily hurt the stock market. But sometimes on Twitter, you can't be sure whether a hacker is at fault...or just a celebrity. Here are a few notable tweeters who, on a day-to-day basis, always seem like they've been hacked.

1. Jose Canseco

The former MLB star and braggadocios steroid user is straight trolling the world via his Twitter account. Surely he's just trying to get a reaction from all of us, what with frequent tweets about kooky scientific theories, "Twilight"-esque fan fiction starring himself and weird Donald Trump-inspired dragon artwork. Is this the online footprint of a 'roided-up madman...or a comedic mad genius?

Jose Canseco Tweet
Credit: @JoseCanseco

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Today's Dumbass: Man Slashes 1,000 Tires To Meet Women

Posted 4/24/13 3:15 pm EST by in Today's Dumbass

flat tire
Credit: Tiburon Studios

It's normal for guys to feel self-conscious when approaching ladies. That's why you need an icebreaker, whether it's a tasteful joke, an insightful comment, an obnoxious magic trick or...um...a screwdriver and a spare tire.

25-year-old Yoshihito Harada is facing charges in Japan for puncturing women's car tires and then offering to help. "Looks like you've got a flat," Harada would allegedly say in supermarket parking lots after popping 'em. "Let me fix it for you."

Eventually, one of the girls mentioned Harada to her friend, who'd also allegedly received his creepy version of roadside assistance, and they went to police together. Prosecutors are presenting evidence for five such cases, but Harada's own lawyer--possibly the least helpful defense attorney on the planet--said his client pulled the con "about 1,000 times."

Seriously, guys, you might just want to stick with "hello" for your opening line.

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What To Do When You & Your Girlfriend Run Into An Ex

Posted 4/24/13 2:00 pm EST by in Relationships

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Credit: Jackie Besteman

You and your girlfriend are enjoying a beautiful spring day when it happens: You encounter your ex. It's possible that you two had a mutual, friendly breakup and she's happy you've found someone new--but yeah, right, like that ever happens. Best to know the possible routes you can take to immediately diffuse a potentially sticky situation.

1. Play it cool

Whether you live in a massive urban enclave or a one-horse town, the chances of eventually running into an ex are likely. Might as well grit your teeth and feign normality. "How'ya doin', girl-I-vomit-at-the-sight-of?" "Not bad, weirdo-I'd-rather-forget." How adult!

2. The cold shoulder

Sometimes a pleasant, amicable conversation is impossible. True martial artists avoid confrontation and only fight out of self-defense, so follow their example and don't escalate the situation into an all-out brawl unless it's absolutely necessary. Walk away and your ex won't have any sort of opening to start something.

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5 Tips For Planning Your Girlfriend's Birthday

Posted 4/24/13 12:50 pm EST by in Ladies, Relationships

GFBday
Credit: Joey Boylan/Getty Images

For every girl who thinks her birthday is the most important day of the year, there's a boyfriend who thinks a lame card and a breakfast burrito make a killer gift. Birthdays might not matter to you, but if you mess up hers, you'll hear about it for the next 364 days. Here are a few tips for successfully planning some birthday magic for your lady.

1. The Morning Surprise

This doesn't have to be extravagant like a Lexus with a huge red bow on it--just do something to kick off the day. Breakfast in bed is a classic. Or sneak a "happy birthday" note into her bag. Or, if you're feeling inspired, give her a mini-gift (a dog collar) that hints at the real gift you're giving later (a leather bodysuit...or, uh, a puppy).

2. She's Already Told You What She Wants

Even if she didn't say outright, "Buy this present for my birthday," she's probably dropped hints--you just weren't paying attention. Has she mentioned wanting something recently? Has she mentioned wanting it a thousand times?

Also, remember: The money you spend isn't half as important as the thought you put into it. And don't just get her whatever your buddy got his girl; not all girls are into stuff made out of hemp.

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Today's Badass: Man Punches Alligator To Save Son

Posted 4/24/13 11:55 am EST by in Today's Badass

man punches alligator
Credit: ABC Local 10

Kids, they're always getting into trouble--drawing on walls, not wearing their bicycle helmets, almost getting eaten by alligators...

When Florida man Joseph Welch took his six-year-old son Joey on a canoe trip last Friday, he hoped to expose the boy to "something new and different." That's certainly what happened, because an eight-foot-long gator chomped onto Joey's arm.

Some parents would be frozen into passive horror. Some parents would run for help. Not Joseph, who walked right up to the vicious beast and started punching the crap out of it.

"I didn't want to get into a tug-of-war with the gator," Joseph said. "I didn't want my son's arm ripped off."

Eventually, the animal decided that the pummeling wasn't worth a quick snack, and let Joey go. The child had some cuts, but more importantly had his arm. The hero father sustained no injuries, NPR reported, "except for a bruised right hand," which is basically the most hardcore thing we've ever read.

Wildlife officials killed the alligator. Joseph probably would've done it himself, but you can only punch a giant carnivorous monster for so long without getting bored, right?

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog

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The Opponents' Playbook: Useful Tricks From 'Girl Code'

Posted 4/24/13 11:00 am EST by in Ladies, Relationships

opponents playbook

Your friends might have decent advice on getting chicks, but you know who has better advice? Chicks. And last night's premiere episode of "Girl Code" gave you plenty of insider knowledge to work with...

1. Give Her Your Breast Regards

Girls are all insecure about their boob size, so a compliment in the bedroom can go a long way--but keep it tasteful. Do NOT say, "I wanna touch your boobies," Carly Aquilino warns.

2. Fit The Profile Or Move On

Most girls have a "type," so 90% of impressing them is just fitting it. For Jessimae Peluso, it's guys with "forearm tattoos and priors." For April Rose, who has a "major daddy complex," it's older guys. Some ladies even love fat dudes. The point is, if she's feeling you, you'll know right away. Otherwise, you're wasting your time.

3. Study Her Body...Language

She won't outright tell you that she's feeling you, though--instead, she'll touch your arm and laugh harder than normal. (This can be confusing, as Chris Distefano notes, because she might just be on Quaaludes.)

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22 MLB Pitchers & Their '90s Cartoon Dopplegangers [Photos]

Posted 4/24/13 10:00 am EST by in Funny, Photos, Sports

SCHERZER
Photo: ESPN

Midway through Detroit starting pitcher Max Scherzer's third outing of the season, we noticed that the big hurler looks a bit like one of our favorite '90s cartoon characters: Doug Funnie from "Doug." (It has nothing to do with Scherzer's heterochromia, because Doug's eyes are merely black dots.)

He's not the only MLB pitcher with an animated lookalike. We think it's because MLB pitchers are a very diverse bunch with players of all shapes and sizes. There's fat guys, skinny guys, ugly guys and dorky guys. Check out the roster.

Joba Chamberlain -- P.J. Pete of "Goof Troop"

JOBA
Photo: Getty Images

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Hungover Links: Gwyneth Paltrow's Grope, Puking In Space & More

Posted 4/24/13 9:00 am EST by in News

urinal
Photo: Retail Hell Underground

While you were drinking...

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Jessimae Peluso Explains How To Impress A Female Bartender

Posted 4/23/13 4:50 pm EST by in Ladies, Video

jessimae

There are plenty of hot bartenders out there, and they get even hotter with each beer they serve you. But it's a rookie mistake to start complimenting their bodies, as if they've never heard it before. Just take it from Jessimae Peluso, who "bartended for years" and knows that being a creeper is "not gonna get you free drinks," merely kicked out.

Check out this web-exclusive video, which explains how to actually make your female bartender like you, and then watch Jessimae on "Girl Code" at 10:30/9:30c on MTV.

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Melanie Iglesias: Guys Should Worry About 'Girl Code' [Video]

Posted 4/23/13 4:00 pm EST by in MTV2, The Show, Video

melanie

Tonight's premiere of "Girl Code" gives you a tour inside the female mind, which is useful in many ways--you have to understand ladies to undress them--but it can also be overwhelming.

Melanie Iglesias is concerned that guys "are gonna love it, but they're gonna be terrified." Because you'll learn what they think about your dick, what happens at gynecologist appointments and other heretofore mysteries. Still, even though the truth can be scary, ignorance is definitely not bliss. Watch the video below, and then tune in at 10:30/9:30c on MTV.

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