Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Whether your best friend stole your girl, or your roommate never bathes away his nasty B.O., it's your duty as a man to bring Code-breakers to court. Watch the video of Schulz below, explaining why you should email email@example.com to press charges.
HBO isn't developing a cartoon version of the "Song of Ice and Fire" series, which would be the most demented animation this side of Japanese tentacle porn. But we wish they'd make such a series, based on these hundreds of illustrations by a "Game of Thrones" superfan in Macedonia.
He drew every single character from the books, human and otherwise. And they look awesome. Seriously, if HBO won't move on this, can somebody please call Pixar?
Guys don't like to drop breakup hints; we just immaturely quit answering a girlfriend's phone calls until she gets the idea. Women, however, telegraph the fact they're going to dump your ass far in advance of the actual D-day. But, if you pay attention to these warning signs, you'll be way ahead of the game...with a new girlfriend in the wings.
1. Lack Of Sex
Does she seem to be repulsed by even your mildest touch? Does she flinch when you try to rub her neck? Turn her cheek when you try to kiss it? Frequently go pearl-diving without you? Yeah, it's probably over.
2. No Reply
A woman in love quickly answers texts, emails and chat messages. So when your girlfriend--who used to respond to all your communications within minutes--starts taking hours, know the end is near.
Usually our "Today's Badass" nominees are old enough to legally drive (or say "Badass" without getting their mouths cleaned out with soap), but five-year-old Caleb Taylor of North Carolina deserves the honor for steering his mom's car after she suffered a seizure.
"I was taking a nap, and I just woke up," Caleb recounted to a local TV station. "Then I saw her not driving."
So he climbed to the wheel from the backseat, shifted gears to neutral, swerved to the side of the busy road, removed the keys and found someone to call 911. Holy crap, this kid's cooler under pressure than we are. Even more incredibly, his father had prepared him for this exact scenario.
"I've always told him if a car runs away, turn the ignition off," his dad told reporters, adding that Caleb "knows how to start a car and hold a steering wheel, ride a lawn mower...you know, go carts."
The heroic tyke now wants to change his name to "Caleb Batman." Put it on his driver's license.
Usually when a pizza place tries to up-sell you on some coke, it comes by the liter and not by the kilo. But the NYPD is accusing 45-year-old Papa John's driver Ramon Rodriguez of delivering drugs in addition to pies.
Allegedly, Rodriguez's run as the Scarface of Sicilian food came to an end when he sold undercover cops $27,500 worth of cocaine hidden inside a box of chicken poppers. According to police, Rodriguez made over 19 such deliveries in uniform, often voicing concern that his drug deals were distracting him from his pizza duties.
Coworkers regarded Rodriguez as a model employee and were shocked to hear the charges...especially that he had $4,500 in cash at home. "He used to hit us for money for food and gas--we were always giving him $20 to $30 at a time," his manager told the New York Daily News, nevertheless adding, "He was the best driver I got."
Graduation ceremonies are painfully boring. Remember what it was like, as a kid, to be trapped in front of a TV playing the news? A graduation is like that, but with ill-fitting robes.
That butt-numbing boredom inevitably inspires people to try spicing up the affair. Often, they'll make bad inside jokes that only half the crowd gets...while friends and family wish for an even bigger asteroid to strike the stage. But even inside (more like insipid) jokes aren't as bad as the worst thing that can befall a graduation ceremony: Someone pretending to trip as he accepts his diploma.
Alesha Renee did two seasons of "Guy Code" before moving on to the pinker pastures of "Girl Code." We missed her take in season three, so we caught her during a shoot and asked her some of your questions from Twitter and Facebook.
Want to know how to pick up girls at the gym? How about whether women ever respond to cat calls? And have you ever thought about what Tourettes Syndrome code would be? Alesha breaks this all down and more in the following video.
Everybody knows that ladies love guys who can play an instrument--especially if it's a guitar--but for every rock star swimming in groupies, there's a bassoon player sitting in the corner, playing "Magic The Gathering." Here are some instruments to avoid, unless you're getting tired of all that sex you've been having.
It'll be a party for sure, but if you can't make it down to the beach, don't worry: MTV is joining forces with VH1 and CMT to stream all of the best moments from Hangout 2013 on our official Hangout Hub.
All this sounds great, but we haven't gotten to the best news yet. The very sexy Katherine Webb will be one of MTV's correspondents at the festival. The girlfriend of Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron, Webb is famous for nearly causing football commentator Brent Musberger to pass out on live TV when cameras found her in the crowd at this year's BCS National Championship Game. She's parlayed that 15 seconds of fame into national modeling work, a spot on the ABC reality show "Splash" and now working a gig with us!