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Today's Badass: Man Fights Burglar With Sword And Beer Bottle

Posted 3/27/12 1:56 pm EST by in Funny, News, Today's Badass

Credit: 20th Century Fox

This bizarre story comes out of Florida, which isn't surprising since 88 percent of stories involving sword attacks occur in Florida. Anthony Brisbane was working the graveyard shift at Captain Steamers when a masked robber wielding a tire iron came into the kitchen. Naturally, Brisbane grabbed a sword and they began sparring. You're probably thinking, "This isn't Grand Theft Auto where you can just summon random melee weapons whenever you want. Why does a Florida restaurant called Captain Steamers have a sword, and why was it so accessible?" But then, is it really that shocking?

Brisbane called the cops after he thought he had subdued the attacker, and when his guard was down the burglar hit him three times in the head with a tire iron. So Brisbane grabbed a nearby beer bottle (makes more sense) and cracked him over the head with it. Score one for the good guys.

We're always amazed by the "guy fends off burglar" stories, mainly because we are trembling cowards who would gladly provide the robber with those old-timey money sacks and even offer to help carry them to the getaway car. So bravo, Anthony Brisbane. You are Today's Badass.

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'Nitro Circus Live' Premieres With Extreme Wheelchair And Double Backflip Motocross

Posted 3/27/12 12:00 pm EST by in Sports, TV

Courtesy of Nitro Circus Live

Tuesdays are awful. Mondays, you expect to suck hard. But Tuesdays are worse, because you realize, "S***, we still have four days left in this miserable nightmare and I'm dragging ass from my awful Monday."

Thankfully, Tuesdays just got a lot better thanks to MTV2's "Nitro Circus Live." Join 17-time X Games gold medalist Travis Pastrana and some familiar "Nitro Circus" faces as they go Down Under with all the action and behind-the-scenes high jinks of their extreme sports road show. It'll be like you're part of the Nitro crew. The lazy, unskilled, freeloading part (hey, every crew needs one).

Honestly, we have no witticisms or filthy jokes to make here, because the show is simply THAT badass. Tune in tonight at 11 p.m. on MTV2 to see extreme wheelchair athlete Aaron Fotheringham accomplish feats that most people with working legs would never even dream of trying. If that weren't enough, you get another episode at 11:30 p.m. with the balls-out incredible Cam Sinclair. In 2009, he attempted a double backflip in a motocross run, and the crash left him in a coma and partially paralyzed. After months of recovery and rehabilitation, Cam's back and trying it again tonight.

Check out sneak peeks of tonight's episodes below.

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10 Things Rob Dyrdek Has Already Done This Season On 'Fantasy Factory'

Posted 3/27/12 11:30 am EST by in Comedy, Sports, TV

Season 5 of "Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory" just started and it's already clear that this season is bigger and more ridiculous than ever. Already pro skater/aspiring daredevil/MTV stalwart Dyrdek has executed a car stunt that's only been done by four people before him, started a burrito business and filmed a rap video.

By the way, that's his job. There's a reason it's called "Fantasy Factory." Rest assured, whether you're in school or at work, whatever you're doing right now, Rob Dyrdek is doing something a lot cooler. And that should give you hope. Hope that one day, you, too, can break free from the rat race. But until that happens, you get to live vicariously through Rob. So check out 10 things Rob's done this season that will make you want to watch "Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory." Be sure to tune in to new episodes Monday nights at 10p/9c on MTV for your stunt and prank fix. Read More...

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Clutch Cuts: It's On Like Drunk Donkey Kong, And More

Posted 3/27/12 8:00 am EST by in Funny, News, Photos, Sports, Video


Credit: bobdob

Clutch Cuts is our morning edition of the best of the web, a diversion from work or something to get you through those hazy minutes between waking up and actually doing something productive. You'll find viral videos, sports, music, ladies, weirdness and miscellaneous nonsense.

Above: Super Mario Bros. Re-Imagined In 100 Images. Donkey Kong is a great drinking buddy until he gets beer muscles. (BuzzFeed)

MMA fighter and Iraq War vet foils robbery with rear naked choke

Vicariously fulfill all your "I would totally take down that lunatic robber" fantasies. (Cage Potato)

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Snoop Dogg's Tweets Read By Grandma [Video]

Posted 3/26/12 5:21 pm EST by in Funny, Video

Somewhere in the annals of awesome things that rarely and inappropriately get paired together is sweet old grandmothers and tweets by rappers. But the people behind Boo Ya Pictures have done it again, this time merging their bubby, bless her heart, and tweets by Snoop Dogg. (Previous editions include Grandma Reads Kanye Tweets and Grandma Reads 50 Cent's Tweets.)

Grandma returns to her wooden arm chair for this report. The room is filled with smoke (marijuana!), which must make for a pretty bizarre smell, since we're pretty confident the house smells like old person in its natural state. In one surprising development, Bubby actually removes the censor that Snoop supplied in one tweet. She obviously doesn't stand for that weak sauce. But that's not the only twist. Turns out that Grandma rooms with a "dancer" who dresses in provocative animal print undergarments. It's all good, though. She's an enlightened old lady.

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Guy Code's Bracket Of Wisdom: Round Two Of Your Favorite Advice

Posted 3/26/12 4:00 pm EST by in Comedy, Relationships, TV

Last Thursday to coincide with the NCAA Tournament's Sweet 16, we launched the "Guy Code" Bracket Of Wisdom and allowed you to vote on the best pieces of advice from Season 1 of MTV2's hit show "Guy Code." Thousands of you responded and today we are releasing the results! Starting right now, you can also vote on the advice that made it to the Elite Eight.

In the Relationships Division, Girlfriends scored 76.89 percent of the vote over Cheating. Our readers either really liked Donnell's quote over Andrew's or you're all a bunch of relationship whores. Rounding out this division, it was a much tighter race between The Friend Zone, which nabbed 58.04 percent, and Dating Your Best Friend's Ex. This is the first of Friend Zone representative Julian McCullough's two wins. His token Wingman quote led the way over Fighting in the The Crew Division with a whopping 77 percent of the results. Also in that category, 59 percent of voters picked Pregame Etiquette over Drink Like A Man.

Everyone's favorite division, Sex, predictably received the highest amount of respondents. The Morning After beat Sexting in a 71.68 percent landslide and Getting Freaky, represented by the very sexy Melanie Iglesias, took 61.34 percent of the vote over Contraception. Finally in the Upkeep Division, respondents proved to be weight conscious, choosing Dieting over Bachelor Pad with nearly 60 percent of the vote, while Manscaping took nearly 65 percent of vote in the other matchup over Bathroom Products.

Vote for the next round of matchups below and remember to check back on Wednesday, March 28 for the results and the Final Four round of voting. At the end of this tournament, we will unlock an exclusive clip from the upcoming special "Guy Code Spring Break Survival Guide" premiering April 10 at 11 p.m. on MTV2.
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Today's Badass: Man Saws Off Own Foot To Avoid Work

Posted 3/26/12 3:00 pm EST by in News, Today's Badass

Credit: Topical Press Agency/Hulton Archive

You may say you "hate" your job. But hate is a strong word. You probably don't enjoy your job, but you grudgingly tolerate it. That is not hate.

Ladies and gentlemen (mostly gentlemen), let me introduce you to hating your job, via Reuters: A 56-year-old Austrian man was scheduled to meet with the labor office to determine whether he was fit for employment. So, hours before the meeting, the guy decided to saw off his own foot, thus ensuring that he wasn't fit for the rat race. And to think, he was so close to retirement age!

Just to make sure he wouldn't end up with a reattached foot and thus the ability to return to the working world, he tossed the foot into the oven, so that when the EMT's got to the scene it was too charred to be salvaged. Sadly, unless Austria has some sort of discriminatory law against hiring people with one foot, this is a short-term solution at best.

But that's not what matters. What matters is that this is the most grizzled man ever. It's like "127 Hours," only he was trapped for 490,560 hours under the boulder of LIFE. What the hell gnarly-ass job did this man have that made him think chopping off a body part was a better alternative? Was he a mass grave excavator? A puppy skinner? Khloe Kardashian's bikini waxer?

Many would have filed this under Today's Dumbass, but we have to applaud this man for his dedication to living the dream of a life without work. Sometimes you have to destroy (and roast in the oven) to build.

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Tim Tebow Says (Repeatedly) He's Excited To Be A Jet

Posted 3/26/12 1:22 pm EST by in News, Sports

Credit: Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images

Tim Tebow is very, very, very excited to be a New York Jet. Anyone who played a drinking game during the press conference introducing Tebow to Gang Green that incorporated the words "Jet" and especially "excited" is going to be in real rough shape this afternoon. Approximately 40 television crews and 140 reporters showed up inside the Jets field house (because the normal media room couldn't accommodate the crowd) to watch Tebow smile and state over and over again his excitement. Mind you, Tebow's opening remarks were under 30 seconds. The rest of the roughly 35-minute presser was a question-and-answer session. Here's our very unofficial tally on Tebow's word choice for the unprecedented media event:

+ Mark Sanchez (by name or by reference): 12
+ Jets: 25
+ Excited/exciting: 32
+ Broncos: 4
+ Circus: 1
+ Help this team: 7
+ Blessed/blessing: 10
+ Teammates: 12
+ Wildcat: 1
+ Jesus Christ: 3
+ My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ: 2

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Clutch MMA Awards For Bellator 62

Posted 3/26/12 1:00 pm EST by in MMA

The lightweight quarterfinals of "Bellator"'s Season 6 tournament was quite the entertaining spectacle. Despite Eric Prindle winning 100k and a title shot without fighting (thanks to Thiago Santos coming in as a fat boy), the lightweights provided just enough fireworks to have us totally forget that there was a heavyweight fight on the card. So what did we get instead? A "Cupcake" whooping a "Pitbull," the world's bravest referee and a submission move that had us all wondering what the hell to call it.
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Breaking Babe: Don Draper's New Wife In 'Mad Men' Jessica Paré

Posted 3/26/12 12:00 pm EST by in Breaking Babe, Ladies, TV

Courtesy of AMC

"Mad Men" returned last night, and in addition to watching our favorite womanizing band of stylish alcoholic racists, we got to see more of Don's lady Megan. A LOT more. This is a good thing.

Canadian actress Jessica Paré isn't a household name , but will be soon after her portrayal of Don's new wife last night. After giving a smoldering burlesque performance (singing in French = insta-chub), she introduced the world to housecleaning in your underwear, which ended in angry floor sex. Not exactly how things play out when our cleaning lady comes around. Again, this is a good thing.

But perhaps the '60s just don't do it for you. We get that. Well, good news: Pare can also do the '80s! She was in "Hot Tub Time Machine," topless (ah, now we get why Don Draper married her). In fact, she's been doing topless scenes since "Stardom" in 2000 and a full-on lesbian love scene in 20o1's "Lost and Delirious." We love French Canadians! Check out the screencaps of our new favorite Canadian below. (Sorry, Bryan Adams).
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