Posted 6/18/13 1:00 pm EST by Guy Code Staff in The Show
Photo: Twitter
Every day is a good day to celebrate Melanie Iglesias, but especially today. Fans across the world are sending her birthday wishes via Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Vine and other social media. Here are some of her favorites and ours. (That cake above, though? It's from October. Some dude got a Melanie cake for his birthday.)
Melanie responds: "Omg aww thank you!" (Note to all guys: Learn how to play guitar.)
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Posted 6/18/13 11:53 am EST by Marty Beckerman in Today's Dumbass
Photos: Facebook/Google
If you lost your keys at the bar, you'd probably call a friend and crash at his place. Unlike 20-year-old Tom Stilwell, who crashed (literally) while trying to get into his own place.
After a night of getting s***faced in New Zealand, the young Brit returned home at 2 a.m., but couldn't enter his high-rise apartment. So he asked his upstairs neighbor for permission to climb down her balcony guardrail and thus open his unlocked sliding door.
"I didn't think he'd jump because it's really scary," she told the New Zealand Herald. (As if the concept of "really scary" has any meaning to a wasted dude.)
Unfortunately, Stilwell botched the landing and plummeted 13 floors, only surviving because an adjacent building's roof broke his fall. The local hospital's medical director says it's "extraordinary" that he's still alive and will fully recover.
"I can't remember a thing about it," Stilwell said from the ICU. Maybe he can remember to just hide a spare key under his doormat for next time.
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Posted 6/18/13 11:00 am EST by Adam K. Raymond in Funny
Photo: Universal Pictures
The radio stations have long ago faded and your ass hurts something awful. It's road-trip boredom, and this summer it might happen to you. Our goal is to make sure it doesn't with this handy list of ways for you and your friends to stay entertained whether you're driving, riding in the passenger seat or tied up in the trunk.
1. See how many times you can drive by a cop while drinking an energy drink in a paper bag.
2. Count every Waffle House you see for four hours. Eat that many waffles at your next meal.
3. Everyone in the car drinks a gallon of water in an hour. First one to pee his pants loses.
4. Pick up a hitchhiker and see how long you can go without getting murdered.
5. Eat gummies for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Most colorful feces wins.
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Posted 6/18/13 9:40 am EST by Guy Code Staff in News
"The 15 Funniest Yearbook Sightings of 2013" via NIS
While you were drinking...
Posted 6/17/13 5:30 pm EST by Guy Code Staff in MTV2
Between "Guy Code," "Girl Code," and "Guy Court," Andrew Schulz just might be the hardest-working man in show business. And he's found the energy for another new series: "Jobs That Don't Suck," which features guys with careers such as professional pick-up artist, video game tester, snake milker and airplane re-possessor.
The best part: You can win tickets to join the studio audience in New York City. Just head over to this site and put in a request ASAP. There are a bunch of dates, but tickets are limited, so hurry and sign up!
(You must be over 18 and provide your own transportation to NYC. A terrific reason to become a professional airplane re-possessor.)
Posted 6/17/13 4:00 pm EST by Charlie Kasov in Today's Badass
Photo via YouTube
Arizona resident Sy Perlis, 91, doesn't sit around waiting for a visit from his grandkids. He doesn't watch Judge Judy sass defendants. And he sure as hell doesn't need a Segway to get around -- he can bench press that Segway.
Perlis just broke the world record in his age group by benching 187.2 pounds, 52 more than the previous record-holder. That's nothing for a dude in his 30s, but we'd be happy to lift half that much in our 90s. (Or, y'know, still be alive.)
Perlis hits the gym five days a week. The best part is that he started weightlifting at 60, around the time when most dudes are weakened by their second divorce and their doctors are pleading with them to just walk for a half-hour each day.
Check out the video below and you'll get to see his wife, who, for a guy in his 90s, is definitely a trophy. We salute you, Sy. We're afraid not to.
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Posted 6/17/13 3:00 pm EST by Zachary Sims in Funny, Sports
Credit: Chris Hondros/Getty Images
There are nearly 250 Minor League Baseball teams in the U.S. That means wherever you are, you're a short drive away from one of the greatest shows of summer. Minor League Baseball combines the fun of the national pastime with the pageantry of a small county fair, and that's just one of the reasons why seeing a game in the minors is better than the big leagues...
Sure, MLB might give you a pennant, a foam finger or a gym bag, but in the minors they take the spectacle up a notch, whether it's pregnancy night (free season tickets for life if a woman gives birth during the game) or liposuction giveaways.
Even more importantly, most teams have cheap beer nights, during which you can get plastered for about five bucks. There's no better way to relax after having all the fat lipo'd out of your body.
Most team names are dumb. MLB has 30 and two of them are based on pairs of socks. In the minors, they get more creative. Check out the Greensboro Grasshoppers take on the Quad City River Bandits, or the Mobile Bay Bears against the West Tennessee Diamond Jaxx, or the Albuquerque Isotopes versus the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs. Suddenly, "the Rays" doesn't sound half bad.
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Posted 6/17/13 2:00 pm EST by Sean Green in Funny, Ladies
Credit: Ethan Miller / Getty Images
Bikinis, babes and booze -- it's no wonder that pool parties are one of the premiere places to pick up on chicks. Use these surefire lines, so the only thing that's hung out to dry is your towel.
Why It Will Work: A great way to make your intentions clear while showing off your mastery of the double entendre. She'll probably think you're an English professor.
Why It Will Work: "Slippery when wet" is a reference to a Bon Jovi album, and hot chicks dig Bon Jovi, especially older ones from when the band was in their sexual prime.
Posted 6/17/13 12:00 pm EST by Guy Code Staff in Ladies
Credit: Digital Vision
How is it that 90-year-old billionaires can score with gorgeous models, while guys in our physical primes can't even get a date? Should you apply to business school just for the sake of your sex life? Is money that important to the ladies?
Well, it's not quite that simple. As our friends at BroBible explain, yeah, stability can be a factor...but more importantly, ambition matters:
This is absolutely key, if you can show any woman that you're a valuable investment, she will be with you (bang you) even if RIGHT NOW, you're absolutely broke...Women aren't looking for your money, that's not what they want.
If you're broke you can still be ambitious. She will stick by your side knowing that even though you don't have anything right now, your hard work and dedication will pay out in the end. This means that she's sticking with you because you've managed to present yourself as a valuable investment.
However, there's a catch: Ambition can still lead to failure. Click through to find out exactly how long you have to make it to the top...or at least, to make it off your futon.
Posted 6/17/13 12:00 pm EST by Charlie Kasov in Funny, Photos
Thanks to the government, tobacco companies can't advertise like they used to. That's good for everyone, seeing as how smoking is the leading cause of Slow Gross Expensive Death. And it's especially good for the ladies, because Big Tobacco managed to sell death while objectifying them and crushing their egos with insecurity. (Now only Big Alcohol gets to do that, but at least beer kills us slower.)
Those old, sexist ads are still good for a laugh though, so here are our favorites...
Chris Distefano & Carly Aquilino Explain How They Started Dating, Kinda
10 Pairs Of Women's Underwear With Red Flags
5 Ways To Convince Your Girlfriend To Watch Porn