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5 Things Girls Do That Should Not Be Considered Slutty

Posted 5/7/13 12:00 pm EST by in Funny, Ladies

Slut2
Credit: Dan Dalton/Getty Images

On tonight's "Girl Code," the ladies are talking sluts, sluttiness and all things slutty, a sensitive topic that men and women approach very differently. The term can be used any way from a friendly nickname among sorority sisters ("I love you, slut!") to a pointed insult behind an enemy's back ("That slut's probably given half the school herpes") to a desirable personality trait ("She's the perfect girl, super hot and slutty").

Context is everything. Some women find the word offensive while others find it empowering; they embrace their sexuality and stand up against slut-shaming. But the fact is, women get called sluts for doing things that are totally not slutty! Considering it's 2013, it's time to review a few of them.

1. Wearing Hot Outfits

If a girl wants to go out to a club wearing a washcloth as a tube top, cheers to that! (And cheers to double-sided tape!) The whole "judging a book by its cover" reasoning is way past its expiration date; if you think a nuclear physicist or a human rights lawyer never throws on a low-cut cocktail dress for a night on the town, you better think again.

Women should be able to wear hot outfits--last we checked, guys didn't mind that--without being labeled sluts. And while you're at it, don't discount that buttoned-up librarian; she might be an extremely literate tiger in the sack!

2. Talking To Guys

Sometimes girls will call another girl a "slut" for chatting with dudes at the bar, like the band's lead singer or the bartender...and some dudes will also call her that. Not suffering from social anxiety does not mean she's down to have sex with a whole football team; it might just mean she likes live music and free drinks.

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Today's Dumbass: Man Tries To Bomb Turtles, Bombs Himself

Posted 5/7/13 11:00 am EST by in Today's Dumbass

Wildlife Reserves Singapore Prepare To Open River Safari Attraction
Credit: Chris McGrath/Getty Images

If the Foot Clan from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" were real, this guy would've failed the admission test.

According to police, a 19-year-old from Kingwood, Texas planned to detonate a bomb in a local bayou to "blow up turtles." However, the plan allegedly backfired when he lit a cigar and the ashes fell near the explosive cartridges, which detonated in his pocket. He lived, but suffered injuries. No word from police about any potential turtle casualties.

Admittedly, we don't know much about turtle hunting, but using a bomb to kill turtles seems a little excessive. If people use fishing rods to catch something as large and fast as a marlin, you could probably use one to catch a turtle? Also, it's a good idea to save the celebratory cigar until after you've done so.

Still, he should consider himself lucky; he hasn't been arrested or charged in relation to this accident. Next time he wants to catch some turtles, he should just try using pizza as bait.

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Neal Stastny (@NealStas) is a comedian and writer in New York.

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Hungover Links: Killer Gonorrhea, Best '90s Candy & More

Posted 5/7/13 9:40 am EST by in News

fixed it
Photo via Pleated Jeans

While you were drinking...

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Today's Dumbass: 'Finders Keepers' Store Confuses Shoplifter

Posted 5/6/13 6:00 pm EST by in Today's Dumbass

finders keepers
Photo: Facebook

New Hampshire man Ruben Pavon swears he isn't a thief, just a guy who takes things too literally. For example, thrift shop "Finders Keepers," which he mistook for some kind of hippie giveaway charity...right before he stole its merchandise.

Actually, Finders Keepers is a charity "to help children in need," but it's also a store. Where you buy things. Because, y'know, America.

"I thought it was there for the taking," Pavon told WMUR. "The sign did say 'Finders Keepers.' So I took that DVD player, took it home. A couple of weeks later, the stuff is still there on the porch, so I'm thinking to myself, 'Finders Keepers. They probably just put stuff out there for people to take.'"

He took a grill, too, but surveillance cameras caught him...and his kid, who helped him carry it away. (Hey, a child "in need"! Of a free DVD player!)

The store's owner isn't buying Pavon's excuse, telling reporters that he "didn't appear to try and open the door to see if we were open, if anybody was there, if anyone was even there to help him load it."

But Pavon did give the items back. Because "I just want to clear my name and say I'm not a bad dad--I'm the best dad in the world." And quite possibly the biggest dumbass.

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'Game Of Thrones' Recap With Jon Gabrus: Lunch With Jon Snow

Posted 5/6/13 5:00 pm EST by in Funny, TV, Video

The-Climb

"Game of Thrones" geeks and perverts alike were intrigued by last week's episode. Jon Snow and his sexy Wildling redhead, Ygritte, found the only warm water north of The Wall and took a very sexy bath. In the process, Snow broke his Night's Watch vows and established himself as a man who really enjoys "eating lunch." Why are we discussing about last week when we're supposed to be talking about this week's Most Guy Code Moment? Well, watch a tank-top-clad Jon Gabrus in the video below and he'll explain.

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8 GIFs Of Unexpectedly Good Dancers

Posted 5/6/13 3:00 pm EST by in Funny, GIFs

park ranger.

The fine ladies of "Girl Code" addressed the art of dancing on last week's episode. They had illuminating discussions on "boobie popping" and suggestively sucking straws (which we couldn't more highly recommend). But given the time constraints of TV, they couldn't address one of our favorite dance subjects: The killer dancer who looks like an awful dancer. We love a good surprise...and when it comes in the form of a doughy white guy in a park ranger uniform moving like he was in "Wild Style," we love it even more. Here are eight examples that prove the surprisingly awesome dancer is the best dancer of all.

A lanky dude with a trombone

trombone

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'Mr. Balls,' Brazil's Testicular Health Mascot/Monster

Posted 5/6/13 2:00 pm EST by in Funny, News

mrballs
Photo: aapec.org.br

You might feel awkward when the doctor squeezes your nuts during annual physicals, but he's doing it for a reason: You have a 1-in-250 chance of developing testicular cancer, usually between the ages of 20 and 40. You don't wanna think about losing your sack, but you also wanna keep your life, so it's important to check yourself regularly.

However, guys are lazy and easily distracted. We begin to feel for lumps, then jack off and take a nap instead. We need someone--or something--to remind us about our health-related duty. And that someone/something is Mr. Balls, a giant, grinning scrotum that debuted (descended?) at a recent Brazilian cancer awareness festival, delighting everybody in attendance, except for those who need PTSD counseling now.

He's got eyes! He's got a couple teeth! He's got pubes...lots and lots of pubes. And he's got a message: RUN, RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN...to the nearest bathroom and perform a self-exam. More photos at Gawker and in your nightmares.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog

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A History Of The Hockey Mullet [Infographic]

Posted 5/6/13 1:00 pm EST by in Funny, Infographic, Sports

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Text: Sean Green (@seantgreen) is a standup comedian and podcast host living in LA
Design: Jim Tews (@jimtews) is a comedian and former quarterback for the Philadelphia Phillies.

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Movies You Loved As A Boy…That You'll Hate As A Man

Posted 5/6/13 12:00 pm EST by in Funny, Movies

Short Circuit Headline Pic
Photo: YouTube

"Dude, I love that movie!" Ehh, are you sure about that? Because the last time you saw it, you were 11 years old. You might want to give it a good re-watch and see how your grown-up brain feels. It's a sad phenomenon, but sometimes our favorite childhood movies turn out to be way worse than we remember. Below are just a few examples of movies we grew up with that turned out to be tragically unwatchable in our bearded years.

1. "Short Circuit"

Ben Jabituya
Photo: YouTube

Remember this one? "Johnny Five, is ALIVE!" Well, he'll be dead to you after watching it again. When you're a kid, this robot seems so cool and hilarious, because he says awesome stuff like, "We be jammin'!" But, in reality, Johnny Five is an unfunny, gear-grinding lemon that is undeserving of Steve Guttenberg's companionship.

Even worse, the wacky, stereotypical Indian scientist from the movie, Ben Jabituya, was actually played by Fisher Stevens--a white guy--making "Short Circuit" almost as racist as "Soul Man."

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How To Give A Better Gift Than Your Siblings On Mother's Day

Posted 5/6/13 11:00 am EST by in Funny

Daniele Petrucci v Leonard Bundu - Press Conference
Credit: Mario Carlini/Iguana Press

Over the years, your brother or sister has been robbing your mother's love right from under your nose. Today, that ends. Today, you charge your way into Mom's heart and throw your siblings off the Mountain of Maternal Love so you can claim the crown. Follow these steps and guarantee you'll give a better a gift than your siblings next Sunday.

Step #1: Snoop the Competition

sherlock
Credit: Getty Images

Light up a pipe and get Sherlock on your siblings. Bring up their web history, follow them to the mall, do whatever it takes to get a jump on what they'll be giving to Mom. The more information, the better. Get your brother's girlfriend drunk, sleep with your sister's friends or blackmail your dad. This is your chance to flex your James Bond style.

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