Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
When you wake up on Thanksgiving morning, you can always count on three things: the smell of roasting turkey, a Godzilla-sized hangover and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
As kids we loved that parade. Our favorite cartoon characters--blown up to gigantic proportions--hovered through New York City. It should've been the stuff of nightmares, but it was a blast to watch.
Some of the balloons, however, just kinda made us scratch our heads. We ignored these monstrosities of lameness back then, but we can't ignore them anymore. In fact, we might sleep through the parade this year.
In the pantheon of great food mascots, you have Tony the Tiger, Lucky the Leprechaun, Count Chocula... but definitely not Kraft Mac & Cheese's dinosaur. The hat, the camera, the dopey smile... C-Rex should've gone extinct 65 million years ago.
Imagine this: you're working at a fast food joint, serving a couple senior citizens their tacos (hey, the economy sucks -- what can you do?), and then Giancarlo Esposito walks in because he's all nostalgic about playing Gus Fring on "Breaking Bad."
You and Gus become boys. He tells you about how many people he got to kill while making the show. (Onscreen, presumably.) You take Gus out to dinner with your girlfriend. Every time you say something corny or stupid, Gus -- in his calm, collected, sociopath voice -- tells her that you are an important man, one who shouldn't be doubted. She never doubts you again.
This could be your life if you work at Twister's, the real-life Los Pollos Hermanos in Albuquerque, New Mexico where "Breaking Bad" was filmed. And they're hiring. Read More...
Want some Halloween costume advice? Don't dress up. You're not a child and you're not a woman, so you're not allowed to wear a costume.
However, if you still insist, be creative. Dress up like a classic TV character from one of their show's Halloween episodes. Allow me to explain. Don't dress up like Steve Urkel. Dress like Steve Urkel dressed up like Superman. That means wearing the cape and the tights, along with the big glasses and box cut. Below are some other classic TV characters wearing Halloween costumes. Just remember, wearing any costume at all, even one of these, guarantees that the only thing you'll share your bed with on Halloween night is a bunch of unwanted Sweet Tarts.
There's a lot of footage in the "Guy Code" archives that just isn't appropriate for air during an episode. For example, the scene below with Jon Gabrus and April Rose that derailed when Gabrus' boner interfered with his brain function. Hard to blame him. There's also verbal slip-ups, poor lighting and out-of-place Street Fighter references. Sometimes the production crew just wants a change of scenery.
Check out the full one-hour special of "Guy Code to Manscaping" tomorrow night at 11/10c on MTV2, but for now, check out these hilarious bloopers.
Very easy on the eyes actress Danai Gurira (from HBO's "Treme") plays Michonne, one of the survivors, is a prominent character in Robert Kirkman's graphic novels. Michonne was introduced at the end of Season 2 when she rescued Andrea from probable zombie death. Kirkman himself is pretty pumped to see Gurira.
"I can say that I'm completely in denial when I see Danai walk out on set and jump off the page," he told Shock Till You Drop. "As badass as she is in the comics, seeing her move and seeing her kill the zombies in motion is so much more intense that you can believe. Fans of the comics are going to love it. She's great."
A couple weeks ago we heard distressing news about an "unavoidable" worldwide bacon shortage due to shrinking pig herds. This bacon shortage idea did not originate as a Twitter rumor designed to terrify the Denny's crowd, but from a statement by Britain's National Pig Association, which might have been trying to scare grocery stores into paying more for bacon products. If so, that's foul.
At least one man did not take the news lightly and began preparing for the shortage (or the "total f***ing bull***t") by stocking up with as much bacon as humanly possible. That's step one. That Knight in Shining Bacon? You're damn right: Famed meat lover Ron Swanson. More of his expert advice on what to do in the event of a bacon shortage in the video below.
The video is called "A Song for 'The Walking Dead,'" and through music it tells a story about a guy who gives up a blow job to watch the Season 3 premiere of AMC's zombie show this Sunday. Not a zombie blow job or anything kinky like that, but a knobber from his wife who appears in the video wearing lingerie.
You may be wondering, what the heck is Lil Duval doing in the scene? Well, he joins the chorus of disappointment over the man's decision. The video was made by the director of "Guy Code," Andy Stuckey (seen above on couch), and his music duo Stuckey and Murray. Consider the protagonist's plight when you sit down to watch "The Walking Dead" this Sunday.
This fall's breakout reality hit, "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo," is a mystery to guys everywhere. In honor of tonight's "South Park" episode "Raising the Bar," airing on Comedy Central at 10 p.m., we have unearthed some hidden gems of advice from the women of the Boo Boo family. The show, a spin-off of TLC's "Toddlers and Tiaras," features seven-year-old beauty queen Alana Thompson. Alana, better known as "Honey Boo Boo," lives in Georgia with her parents, "Mama June," "Suga Bear" and her three older sisters. In true Guy Code fashion the Boo Boo women are here to hit you with some knowledge about the opposite sex. Who would have thought Honey Boo Boo could be the world's greatest wingman?
"Geordie Shore," if you weren't aware, is the UK version of MTV's "Jersey Shore." It's got all the slurred speech, gelled hair and orange-toned skin as the American version and is just as entertaining. We sometimes look at our British neighbors with raised eyebrows (tea and soccer instead of beer and football?), but "Geordie Shore" can bring us together. We can learn from them as much as they can learn from us and we'll find that we're not so different after all. The slang may be different, the accents may require subtitles, but we never woulda thought to call a group of girls in a hot tub "Whore Soup" the way one of the jealous female housemates did. That, and the following, are just some of the lessons we learned by watching Geordie Shore.
1. Girls are "birds," ugly girls are "mingers" and ugly, fat girls are Ford Focuses
Just when you thought you've heard it all, you hear a chick with a British accent make fun of another girl by comparing her to one of Ford's hatch-backed model cars. We're not entirely sure if this is common slang in the UK, or if this is how the show is selling off advertising. If it's the latter, then it may be the most brilliant form of product placement in the history of TV. If it's the former then we'll add it to the list of words that only sound cool when uttered by a large-breasted bird who stands out from a crowd of mingers.
2. Drinking Jaeger-bombs is not just an American mistake
As it turns out, the Jaegermeister shot dropped in a beer is not just a tradition in the States. On "Geordie Shore," it is one of the most popular drinks to wet your pants to, especially when you are moving into a new house and meeting your brand new roommates who you will be on a TV show with. It begins the same way: you have a couple of drinks, you break the ice, you chug a few Jaeger bombs, you really get to know your new friends, you yell out the windows, you jump in the hot tub with all your clothes on, and, finally, you bury your face in a toilet making the sort of sounds a boar makes if it's being strangled. Speaking of which... Read More...
Photos: Elsa/Getty Images, Leon Halip/Getty Images Sport
Out with the old: "Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe," "Belichick Yo Self," "Addai Another Day," "Dead Sea Sproles," "Forte Year Old Virgin," "Sacks to be Cutler," "The Playbook of Eli" and "Percy Whipped." And in with the new. The best names for years past still hold a special place in our hearts, but new fantasy studs bring new material and funny/offensive/clever new names. Because it's not enough to draft a team. We had to leave out some of the grotesque names, but below we've culled some of the best to hit the web, and added a bunch of our own. Tonight on "Guy Code," the cast will tackle fantasy sports. RIGHT NOW -- the best names in no particular order.