Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
We can't get away from the coverage of A-Rod, nor can we ignore the return of Walter White on "Breaking Bad." Therefore, our brains have mashed the two together, making us realize they have more in common than we ever saw. In fact, the similarities seem uncanny. Below, we've listed the career arcs of both men, which overlap in strange, monumental ways. (There are SPOILER ALERTS, if you're still catching up on B-Bad.)
A-Rod hits first home run, appears with Derek Jeter on the cover of SI Walt teams up with Jesse Pinkman and cooks his first batch of meth
A-Rod hits 100th home run, earning his reputation as a serious player Walt offs rival dealer Krazy 8, earning his reputation as "Heisenberg"
A-Rod signs MASSIVE contract with the Texas Rangers for 10 years, $252 million Walt and Pinkman steal a barrel of methylamine, ensuring long-term fiscal security
"Breaking Bad" and "Arrested Development" are two of the most critically acclaimed series of the last 10 years, and they have something else in common: On each show, the main characters employ an absolutely ridiculous, woefully shady lawyer. "Breaking Bad" has Bob Odenkirk's Saul Goodman (who's rumored to be getting his own spinoff), and "Arrested Development" has Henry Winkler's scene-stealing Barry Zuckerkorn. So, as the "Breaking Bad" final season draws near, we ask: Who's the better attorney-at-law?
Saul and Barry both have memorable slogans for their practices. Saul's, of course, is "Better Call Saul." Barry Zuckerkorn's is, well, "He's Very Good." While they're both simple and effective, Barry's isn't really a slogan at all. It's more like a wildly inaccurate self-affirmation. It's the "my mom thinks I'm handsome" of legal slogans. Plus, Saul's rhymes, and as far as memorization goes, a rhyming pattern is a good mnemonic device.
Shark Week is a fun way to explore our fear of the deep blue sea and its most vicious predators, but this annual TV event isn't for everyone. If you're excessively paranoid about getting knocked down a peg on the food chain (or if your girlfriend just refuses to let you turn it on), here are nature programs about some other, slightly less intimidating animals.
Flying Squirrel Week
At least it's just a squirrel. What if someday bears figure out how to fly? Then humans are truly doomed.
Throughout the years, pro wrestling has given us some of the most unique characters in television history. There's Goldust, who dressed in a blonde wig, a gold bodysuit and once kissed Razor Ramon square on the mouth. Then you have the Boogeyman, who inexplicably broke a clock over his head prior to each match, then ate live worms after its conclusion. There are countless others: pudding enthusiast Bastion Booger, leprechaun wrestler Hornswaggle and Doink The Clown, to name a few.
And then there's Shark Boy, last seen on Spike TV's "Impact Wrestling." So in honor of Shark Week, we would be remiss in not checking in with professional wrestling's only living, breathing representative of this pop-culture phenomenon.
Is Shark Week a special time at Casa de Shark Boy?
Shell, yeah, it is! Shark Week is one of those TV events that my son Dylan and I, like a lot of people, really look forward to every year. I was lucky enough to have been featured on a short Shark Week segment in 2000. This year we are particularly excited about "Alien Sharks of the Deep," which airs on Thursday.
How long has Shark Boy existed?
I wrestled my first match as "Shark Boy" in Louisville, Kentucky, a little over 16 years ago. Read More...
The final four episodes of "Girl Code" season one air on Sunday from 9 to 11 p.m. EST, so in preparation for the mini marathon, we're looking back at what the series taught us. Sure, we've recapped it weekly with "The Opponents' Playbook," but let's examine the big takeaways. 'Cause we didn't just laugh and learn...we actually became better guys.
1. Life is tougher for girls, so cut 'em some slack
Whenever they leave the house, they get judged on their looks, outfits, bodies, makeup, accessories...whereas you can leave the house unshaven in flip-flops and nobody blinks. So, don't get mad if she needs a few extra minutes to get ready for dinner.
2. Girls' mouths are just as dirty as ours, if not more so
They might not talk like sailors around us, perhaps because we'd feel inadequate, but your most profane comments are no match for Jessimae Peluso's or Carly Aquilino's.
3. They go crazy sometimes. Live with it.
The "Girl Code" gals all admitted to the occasional freak-out, and it's definitely no fun to be on the receiving end. But if you're gonna date a woman, you can't just date her good qualities (and she can't just date yours), so learn to love the whole package.
4. You can be a good boyfriend without being whipped
Girls want you to be sensitive, caring and a good listener. They also want you to be a self-respecting man with opinions and confidence. Despite what your friends say, those aren't mutually exclusive.
Summer brings BBQs, bike rides and pool parties...but let's be honest, you're still watching that damn TV. We're currently smack dab in the middle of rerun season, but fret not, comedy fan! Thanks to Netflix streaming, you're just one click away from checking out some amazing TV. Sure, you've probably watched "Arrested Development," "Always Sunny" and "Parks & Rec," but here are some other hilarious shows that you may not have even heard of before.
"Blue Mountain State"
This vastly underrated series never quite found the fan base it deserves. If you've yet to experience this raunchy comedy, there are 39 hilarious episodes waiting for you on Netflix. All of the Blue Mountain State Mountain Goats are hilarious in their own right, however the team's perpetually homoerotic linebacker, Thad Castle, is the show's standout character. Every single line Thad delivers is quote-worthy comedy gold.
Miley Cyrus wants it known that she's a proud twerker, and it seems she's found the perfect twerking outfit. Her appearance on Tuesday's "Jimmy Kimmel Live" is required viewing for all the leg men out there. "I did not realize when you walked out you were wearing your underpants," Kimmel kicked off the interview.
It's actually a pretty interesting conversation. Miley talks about the similarities between her and Snoop, as well as the symbolism behind all that freaky s*** in the "We Can't Stop" video. Click through for the full clip, along with plenty more bare-thigh photos.
"Guy Code" viewers have long known that Chris Distefano is one hilarious guy, a fact that millions of people discovered last night. His appearance on "The Late Show With David Letterman" was a slam dunk, covering topics from his dad's questionable occupation ("big, tough Italian dude from the Bronx, never had a job but he's always had money") to how people in England just don't speak proper English.
Huge congrats to Chris for this career milestone...even if we can't quite get used to the sight of him in a suit. Video below:
If you were allowed to bet on such things in Las Vegas, what do you think the odds would be that contributors to a skate skateboard-related humor magazine, a failed actor and a Florida clown would make a television series that would last three successful seasons and spawn even more successful films? We're guessing they would have been pretty high. Had you placed a bet prior to April of 2000, you would have cleaned up after the first season of "Jackass" aired on MTV.
Starting Friday on MTV, watch MANCATION WEEKEND 2 featuring the "Jacksass 3D" premiere on Saturday at 10p EST! Win free schwag by tweeting #mancation and correctly guessing how many times someone gets kicked in the testicles.
Phillip Clapp (AKA Johnny Knoxville) left his hometown of Knoxville after high school and moved to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career. After working as an extra and appearing in a few commercials, he pitched the idea of testing self-defense devices on himself to skateboarding magazine Big Brother.
Starting tomorrow on MTV and running through Sunday is Mancation Weekend. The channel is featuring masculine marathons of your favorite shows for dudes, including "Guy Code" and the premiere of "Jackass 3-D" on Saturday, 10/9c. Just plant your ass on the couch and your man brain will be happy. You can even win some free schwag on Twitter by using #mancation and correctly guessing the number of times someone gets kicked in the nuts on MTV over the weekend. Awesome promotion.
In the spirit of Mancation Weekend, we decided reminiscence about our favorite classic MTV shows for dudes. Ever since 1981, the network has entertained us with more shows than we can count. (We might've discovered our bodies to "Singled Out" hosts Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra. #dontjudgeus)
It's impossible to narrow 'em down to 10 favorites, but these ones have a special place in our hearts...just like Jenny and Carmen had a special place in our pants.
1. Beavis and Butt-head
"Beavis and Butt-head" (much like "The Simpsons") revolutionized animation as a medium for adults...stunted adults, perhaps, but still. When Mike Judge came back for new episodes in 2011, they were just as brilliant as the originals.