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"Blue Meth and Ham"? That doesn't sound like much of a children's story, but Unreality Magazine has envisioned Walter White's saga as a charming Dr. Seuss fable, picking up with the second half of the final season. This might not replace the post-"Breaking Bad" emptiness in our lives, but at least it'll help tide us over until "Better Call Saul" premieres:
When last we left Hank he was thrown for a loop
From a book that he read as he took a short poop
All at once the wool lifted from over his eyes
Double W's told of old Walt's old disguise
Meanwhile, young Jesse had grown more morose
And no meth, or "blood money," or cannabis dose
Could cure all the guilt or the anger inside
So he went for a midnight-ish charity ride
Soon Hank is confronted by Walt at his place
Which predictably ends with a punch in the face
Yet in spite of Walt's illness his eyes become sprightly:
"If truly you don't know my name, then tread lightly"
"It's a really small part, but it's funny. I play a thug kid in one of those 'Scared Straight!' meetings. Basically, we are in a room with cops and they are trying to intimidate us, but I don't let it happen and I act like a dick. I got the gig 'cause Fox saw me doing stand-up. I have a lot of [other] acting stuff in the works but I'm not allowed to talk about it yet."
We also asked Pete whether, like his character, he's had any real-world run-ins with the cops. "I almost got arrested for hopping a turnstile in NYC," he told us. "And almost for weed once, but I made the cop laugh so he let me go."
Last night's "Breaking Bad" series finale lived up to expectations and ended the show on a perfect note, but Walter White had a full head of hair throughout. Up 'til now, he's proudly rocked his iconic bald dome, just like Hank, Mike, those creepy cartel twins and, uh, Huell. The point is, "Breaking Bad" proved that baldness is badass. A lot of thinning-on-top guys pay a fortune for plugs or toupees, but BroBible explains why they should happily let it go:
Saves You Money
Bald guys don't waste beer and video game money buying shampoo, gels, conditioners and that other girly crap. They certainly don't have to routinely pay some tattooed gal in a salon or some 60-year-old guy in a barber shop good money for a monthly haircut.
No Bad Hair Days
Add to that, your motorcycle helmet and ball cap will fit better than you ever thought it could
No One Questions Your Toughness
Unless you're in the Max Wing at Pelican Bay State Prison, where everyone is bald, shaving your head carries with it an air of "Yes, I am the baddest motherf***er here." There's a reason Walter White shaved his head...
This weekend, "Breaking Bad" is wrapping up one of the greatest runs in TV history. The actors and producers have already won a bunch of awards, and they're destined to win all of them come next year's Emmys, but which characters are the true champions of Guy Code? Here are our prestigious selections. (Spoilers ahead, if you're not caught up.)
The "Once Bros, Always Bros" Award: Hank And Gomie
There's buddy cops and then there's Hank and Gomie. They've stood by each other through thick and thin, because that's what bros do. Sure, Hank might make the occasional blatantly racist joke and Gomie might call him an "a**hole" all the time, but deep down they couldn't live without each other. When Gomie got gunned down, we all knew Hank would be right behind him. He just couldn't live without his pal, and now they're spending eternity side-by-side. Serious bro love.
The "Guys Night Out" Award: Badger And Skinny Pete
If you could party with any characters from "Breaking Bad" (and by "party," we mean "drink beers," obviously), it'd have to be Badger and Skinny Pete, and not just because they're the least likely to murder you. Whether it's rocking out at Guitar Center, talking "Star Trek" or just chilling with some video games, these two dudes know how to have a good time. We salute you, Badger and Skinny Pete -- somehow you ended up being the least awful people in this whole show. Maybe take a shower though?
In real life, lady lawyers tend to look like Nancy Grace and female cops tend to look like male cops. So we turn to TV, where justice is significantly more attractive. With these policewomen and prosecutors on the job in current series, we'd happily come downtown to answer a few questions. Open wide, they're gonna need to swab you for DNA.
Some things are worth the money: Clothes that will get you hired, a car that will dependably get you around, and a defense attorney who will get you to "not guilty." And even if the "Guy Code" cast haven't passed the bar, they're serving as lawyers on "Guy Court," which MTV2 is airing a sneak preview of tonight at 11:30 p.m. ET/PT.
To help them hone their arguments, here are some lawyers from TV and film who could get pretty much anyone out of a legal jam.
1. Saul Goodman ("Breaking Bad")
Whoever said you shouldn't trust a lawyer with a bench ad never needed a guy who knows a guy. Saul's expansive Rolodex and flexible morals make him a priceless asset to any dude who needs to get away with some s**t.
We haven't calmed down from the intensity of last week's "Breaking Bad," and with only two episodes left, there's still plenty the show has to address. Why does Walt buy himself a machine gun for his 52nd birthday? What happens to his family? Is he going to live or die in the finale? Everybody has predictions, and anything can happen, so here are our wildest guesses...
1. Walt uses the ricin to go back and finish off Ted Beneke for having sex with his wife.
2. The white supremacists lose Walt's $70 million after "investing" in lottery tickets.
3. After Walt's criminal history hits the news, Skyler signs a contract with VH1 to appear on the new show "Meth Wives." Read More...
By now you've probably heard about "Better Call Saul," the upcoming "Breaking Bad" spinoff about lawyer Saul Goodman before he met Walter White. Since the future looks bleak for many of the characters on "Breaking Bad" in the final couple of episodes, we're glad that Saul won't completely leave us when the show's over. Still, we're anticipating some severe withdrawal pangs when "Breaking Bad" ends, so here are other potential, but very unlikely, related series that AMC should consider filming...
1. "Philly's Finest"
This police drama follows Michael Ehrmantraut during his early days with the Philadelphia Police Department. Initially a by-the-book cop, Mike begins to play by his own rules after becoming disillusioned by the crime he sees both on the street and within the department.
2. "Gale And The City"
Set five years before we see him in "Breaking Bad," Gale Boetticher is a cultured and quirky nerd looking for love, a decent cup of coffee, and the right shoes to match his lab coat.
3. "Have An A1 Day"
In this prequel series, we finally get to learn about the softer side of Bogdan Wolynetz, Walt's former car wash boss, who tries his best to run a business despite consistent incompetence from his bumbling employees.
4. "Breaking Dead"
The first episode of this crossover between "Breaking Bad" and "The Walking Dead" begins with (SPOILER ALERT) Zombie Hank punching his way through the desert earth with his decaying fist. This way we get to see all of our favorite characters again, whether they died or not.
It's been a long time since Zack Morris served as a shining example of Guy Code on "Saved By The Bell." Sure, kids growing up now can still check out the reruns, but it just won't ring as true for the new generation. Thankfully, actor Mark-Paul Gosselaar met up with comedian Paul F. Tompkins for his hilarious talk show, "Speakeasy," to discuss how Zack would handle some modern problems. Watch the video, and then check out our ideas for more present-day episodes...
Zack Accidentally Snapchats Jessie
Still riding a high after a wrestling victory over Valley, Zack tries to send a racy snapchat to Kelly, but accidentally sends it to Jessie. Zack panics when Jessie responds with her own sexy snapchat. Zack knows he should let Jessie down without hurting her feelings -- and without letting Kelly find out. Zack sends Jessie another snapchat. This time, it's a photo from a medical textbook, which he captions, "Is this infected?" Jessie loses all interest.
The Friend Zone is brutal for any guy interested in a girl who "doesn't notice" him or "just wants to be friends" or thinks he's "gross." TV characters have never been exempt from this harsh reality, so here are guys currently on the air who've found themselves trapped in that sad, sad place...
On "Game of Thrones," he is a "trusted companion" of the beautiful Daenerys Targaryen. (Or, as comic John Roy calls him, "Lord Friend Zone.") He stands loyally by her side to offer counsel and protection, but he's really more interested in putting his sword somewhere else. ZING! Unfortunately, the Khaleesi's only in it for the war advice.