Two days later and we still have Super Bowl (commercial) fever. We've been on YouTube for days feeding our hunger for awesome Super Bowl ads new and old. And as we traveled further down the rabbit hole, we stumbled across some wonderfully over-the-top commercials from the '80s and early '90s--most of them promoting the SUCKIEST board games ever.
It seems as if every board game company from 1980 to 1996 spent 4 percent of their budget on developing the game and 96 percent on coming up with a kick-ass commercial. And the best part is how they all end with some snotty kid exclaiming, "I win!" But they never show the real outcome, which is one smug, happy child and three other kids crying and/or throwing pieces across the room.
Well today, everyone wins because we're rolling out the nostalgia trunk and have 22 awesome board game commercials from our childhood (or even before some of your were born).
Awful, adjective-laced TV reviews are fun to read. It's a guilty pleasure. Take one disgusted critic's assessment of ABC's canceled sitcom "Work It," in which a pair of guys dress unconvincingly as women to get pharmaceutical sales jobs because they can't find work as men: "Everyone is blind or a fool and every situation exists only to set up something vaguely resembling a joke," writes Alan Sepinwall for Hitfix. "It's hard to tell whether the show is most contemptuous of men, women or anyone dumb enough to watch it."
Maybe there's an odd, therapeutic benefit in digesting someone else's takedown of a show, particularly someone who's sorely disappointed by a show. Maybe TV hounds are simply drawn to scathing reviews in the same way that rubbernecks can't resist scoping an accident or crime scene. It feels like some critics take real joy in spraying haterade. Whatever the reason, check out nine vicious reviews of TV's recent offerings.
As with any scientific study that unearths shocking findings, our peers in the field have been poring over our in-depth look at the hottest anchor ladies in TV news, which found that Bloomberg, not Fox News, employs the hottest anchor ladies. The folks at Business Insider found our study enlightening, though they had a couple issues with our methodology. Namely, that we ignored CNBC altogether.
Well, we're happy to announce that we've been given a grant by the American Media Studies Fellowship (not real) which will allow us to expand our investigation. Meaning more beer, more TV watching and heretofore unexamined anchors (forgive us, Julie Banderas! You were just such an obvious one that we thought we had already included you).
We must be clear--results of the original study have not been tainted; they are still fair and balanced. With the additions, Bloomberg still comes out on top and MSNBC on the bottom. But CNBC, with eight representatives, passed CNN. We never would've guessed the nerds at Bloomberg and CNBC would hire so much eye candy.
Without further ado, the results of our second round of findings: 11 more sexy anchors who we shamefully overlooked before.
Credit: Getty Images/Dimitrios Kambouris
Conventional wisdom dictates that Fox News hires the most "talented" on-air female anchors. The network seems to draw on an apparently limitless supply of perky blonde vessels to spout right-leaning siren songs about imminent disaster and financial collapse.
But does Fox News actually have the hottest anchors, or is this just one of those accepted social "facts" that aren't really true? This being a critical election year, we cannot abide vague assumptions; we must find hard truths. So as stewards of the media, it is our responsibility to get to the bottom of this pressing issue.
We worked tirelessly, planting ourselves in front of the TV with a couple six packs, flipping between the news networks on mute. After hours of rigorously objectifying, we stumbled upon a shocking finding: Rupert Murdoch's news channel does not have the highest number of hot anchors. Nope, that title goes to Bloomberg TV. Looks like New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg knows how to pick 'em. MSNBC, on the other hand, really needs to pick up the pace.
Below, you'll find the 36 sources for our painstaking research. Media is the fourth pillar of democracy, and these anchor ladies give us a fifth pillar (in our pants).
Credit: Spencer Platt/Getty Images
If only we had listened to MTV's "Wonder Showzen," we could've avoided Wall Street's economic meltdown. See, on June 24, 2005, the demented kids' show spoof aired a segment calling out Wall Street and demanding revolution, years before Wall Street vitriol was all the rage.
Three minutes into the video below, their child correspondent asked bankers "Who did you exploit today?" and "Do you need a napkin to wash the blood off your hands?" And like when the Onion predicted Jay-Z would write a terrible rap song in honor of his daughter, this sketch predicted Occupy Wall Street: the kid called for citizens to rise up, and asked various suits where they would hide when the revolution comes.
Three years later, banking titans pinched off a steamy growler on the floor of America's (foreclosed) home. And then it took another three years for Occupy Wall Street to get its bongos act together.
If only we had known what Jon Glaser and all the whacked-out comedy geniuses at "Wonder Showzen" knew. That reminds us, we need to hit them up for their thoughts on Super Bowl wagers.
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Long ago, a group of prominent individuals took it upon themselves to police those who thought they were above society. The perpetrators had gone too far. They were gaudy. Showy. Dirty rich beyond belief. Flaunted the fact that rules simply didn't apply to them. From 1487 to 1641, the Star Chamber became England's enforcement agency against the nobility, busting crowned heads and making sure that the courts' punishments were carried out.
For hundreds of years, America had run without its own Star Chamber until Ashton Kutcher took it upon himself to create "Punk'd" in 2003 and righted social order. Unfortunately, American society has gone without the show for more than four years. Our system of celebrity checks and balances is off. We need street justice for those who only walk on streets covered with red carpet.
Thankfully on March 12, "Punk'd" returns! This time, the Kutch won't be running the day-to-day. A new generation of celebs have been recruited to keep their peers in line. And to get them started, we've selected 10 celebs in need of the Star Chamber treatment.
This past weekend officially kicked off "The Road to Wrestlemania" with the "Royal Rumble" pay-per-view. Too bad that the show stunk. Thank God the following night on "RAW" made up for everything (except the money you lost) with an exceptional show that was probably the best in months. Let's reflect on the return of The Deadman, the lameness of this Kane/John Cena fiasco and the failures of 2012's "Royal Rumble."
Credit: Getty Images
Judge Judy has been around so long, she feels more familiar to us than our grandmother and is more intimidating than our WWII veteran grandfather. Her show is in its 16th season, so we must know what "Judge Judy" is all about, right? She yells. She's nasal. She haunts our dreams...you know, even babies know this stuff. However, after reading the following infographic, we realized Judy is much deeper, more successful, more interesting and more informative than most idiots would guess.
Under the ski mask and without the voice modulator, beyond the constant string of embarrassments and miles away from the self-manufactured mortification, you get the feeling that the man known only as "Jon" on "Delocated" is an OK guy just looking for approval. But when chatting with the character's creator, Jon Glaser, a former writer for "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" and "Human Giant," it seems like he's not concerned with whether you like him. He just wants to make you laugh...until you piss yourself. In anticipation of "Delocated"'s third season premiering on Thursday, Feb. 2, MTV Clutch got under the mask with Glaser.
Credit: Joe Petro, LFL National Director of Photography
The table is set for the 2011-2012 LFL Playoffs: the Tampa Breeze (3-1) will face the Philadelphia Passion (4-0) for the Eastern Conference crown, and the defending champion Los Angeles Temptation (3-1) will knock cleats with the undefeated expansion franchise Las Vegas Sin (4-0). If both of these matchups look familiar it's because they are: Both contests are rematches of regular season contests.
Eastern Conference Championship--Jan. 29 at 4 p.m. ET on MTV2
Almost five months ago, on Sept. 9 of last year, the Passion and Breeze opened the season against each other, and the ladies from the City of Brotherly Love poured some haterade all over the Breeze to the tune of a 48-0 smackdown. Passion running back Marirose Roach ran for 103 yards and scored five touchdowns. But all that matters is how each squad is playing now. That said, the Passion are still awesome, and after falling in last year's Lingerie Bowl against the Temptation by just one point, they're damn hungry.