Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
As long as guys have walked the earth, we've dared one another to ingest dumb stuff. Cavemen probably figured out which plants and berries were poisonous by calling their friends p*ssies. But sometimes, you've gotta back down from a food-based challenge.
Case in point, a 19-year-old Virginian who drank a quart of soy sauce -- which contains more than a third of a pound of salt -- and then began seizing from the sodium mega-dose. The condition, hypernatremia, "causes the brain to lose water...shrink and bleed," according to Livescience.
The unconscious teenager's friends rushed him to the E.R., where doctors pumped 1.5 gallons of water up his nose. He remained in a coma for three days before (incredibly) waking up with no brain damage, the first-known victim ever to do so.
Kid's even returned to college and is making good grades, although we doubt he'll ever hit the cafeteria's sushi station again.
We suppose it's possible for a naked marriage proposal to be romantic -- after passionate, champagne-inspired lovemaking at sunset, for example -- but 22-year-old Thomas Edwards of Florida is headed to the courthouse for a non-matrimonial reason.
Last Sunday around 4 a.m., Edwards showed up at a home where he expected his girlfriend to be, and then removed all of his clothes before getting down on one knee. Unfortunately, the homeowners weren't familiar with his would-be fiancee and called 911.
Police claim that, when asked to put some damn underwear on, Edwards spit at them, which resulted in the poor Romeo getting tasered and arrested for burglary, battery and indecent exposure. Kinda gives new meaning to the phrase "indecent proposal."
You might have the right to own a pistol, but that doesn't mean you should bring one everywhere. And there's no dumber place to pack heat than Disney World, where the biggest threat is a six-year-old calling you "booger-face."
However, that didn't stop Florida man Angelo Lista from taking his loaded .380 Cobra to the Animal Kingdom park on a family trip. He actually has a concealed-carry permit, but nevertheless violated Disney's no-weapons policy...a policy that exists because, oh, some moron could accidentally lose his gun on a ride, which is exactly what happened when the .380 slipped out of Lista's pocket.
Fortunately, a grandmother found the firearm instead of a child ("Yaaaay, fun toy!"), and alerted security, who kicked Lista out of the park. "I was just thinking of the safety of my family," he told reporters. "If there had been some psycho there, I'd rather be prepared."
Next time, buddy, prepare by taking a good, hard look in the mirror.
Drinking is fun. Driving is fun. Sex is fun. However, when you combine any two of these things, it's a disaster...and it's an absolute catastrophe if you combine all three of them, as 25-year-old Luis Briones of New Mexico allegedly discovered.
According to police, Briones drove his Ford Explorer through a red light and crashed into another vehicle. That would've been dangerous enough if he and his female passenger had worn seat belts, but apparently they weren't wearing anything at all.
"Mr. Briones was observed to be having sexual intercourse with the passenger and sped off…at a high rate of speed," the police report claims. "Their activities presented a danger to others in the roadway as exhibited by the accident."
The naked girl was flung from the SUV, luckily only sustaining cuts to her face. When authorities showed up, they allegedly found an opened bottle of vodka...and Briones "with one shoe on...hiding in a cactus," reports the Albuquerque Journal.
The words "naked" and "cactus" do NOT belong together. Just like drinking, driving and dicking.
Father's Day is coming up, and dads everywhere are trying extra-hard to impress. Like 68-year-old Ervin Mears, who is suing New Jersey's Sterling Regional High School for $40 million after his 16-year-old son, Mawusimensah, got axed from the track team.
The school blames Mawusimensah for missing too many practices, but the proud papa claims that "[p]articipation in extracurricular activities is a right." He's now seeking a fortune from the coach, the principal, the superintendent and even the school board.
Oh yeah, Ervin is also demanding that the school give his son two varsity letters and jackets. When the Philadelphia Inquirer asked if he's interfering in the school's athletics program (reportedly getting into previous fights with the coach), Ervin said, "I better interfere, or else Mawusimensah could lose a potential athletic scholarship."
Because college admissions officers just love applicants whose parents sue their kids' schools for $40 million.
When discussing illegal plans, it's best to follow some basic protocol: Assure no law enforcement officers are nearby, check that the room isn't bugged and see if anyone is wearing a wire. Also, make sure you haven't just butt-dialed 911, thus allowing the police to listen in on your entire conversation.
That's allegedly what happened to Florida man (surprise, surprise!) Scott Simon, who has been charged with first-degree murder after cops said they overheard him plotting to kill someone who later turned up dead.
Look, it's tough out there for would-be murderers -- fingerprint identification, DNA testing, society's general disdain for murder -- and communications technology isn't making things any easier. Police can track your location via your cell. And though our phones are now "smart," they aren't smart enough to let us know when they're landing us in jail.
Your best bet: Just leave the phone at home. Or, better yet, don't murder anyone.
Bicyclists can be real pains (even if they are environmentally friendly), slowing down traffic when they aren't hogging sidewalks. However, we can't condone running them over with a car...and we especially can't condone tweeting about such a crime like this British driver apparently did:
"Bloody cyclists" might be literal in her case. Fortunately the guy lived without suffering any major injuries, but the road-raging girl might be in for some pain...because local police contacted her using the same 140-character-or-less medium on which she seemingly confessed. Click below for the rest of the story at Dumb As A Blog.
Here's a good rule to live your life by: Never mouth off to a former boxing world champion unless you are also a former boxing world champion.
It's been a while since Rocky Lockridge earned the WBA super featherweight championship by knocking out Roger Mayweather in the first round, but it looks like he hasn't lost his punch. It's hard to hear what's being said in the video; but judging by the unknown man's body language, he decided it was a good idea to insult Lockridge to his face. A decision the dumbass has to regret making.
We don't know why the man started to launch verbal abuse at Lockridge. Maybe he drank too much of whatever was in that 16oz can he was carrying? Whatever the reason, don't pick a fight with a former world champion. Even if he hasn't fought professionally in several years, even if he's been struggling with health problems, you just shouldn't do it.
Unless, of course, you want to get knocked out in about .2 seconds.
Usually when a pizza place tries to up-sell you on some coke, it comes by the liter and not by the kilo. But the NYPD is accusing 45-year-old Papa John's driver Ramon Rodriguez of delivering drugs in addition to pies.
Allegedly, Rodriguez's run as the Scarface of Sicilian food came to an end when he sold undercover cops $27,500 worth of cocaine hidden inside a box of chicken poppers. According to police, Rodriguez made over 19 such deliveries in uniform, often voicing concern that his drug deals were distracting him from his pizza duties.
Coworkers regarded Rodriguez as a model employee and were shocked to hear the charges...especially that he had $4,500 in cash at home. "He used to hit us for money for food and gas--we were always giving him $20 to $30 at a time," his manager told the New York Daily News, nevertheless adding, "He was the best driver I got."
When NYPD Officer Dane Natto woke up yesterday morning, he probably didn't think to himself, "Hey, I should become the laughing stock of all cops everywhere today." But just because dude didn't have that goal didn't mean he wouldn't achieve it. The cop and his partner responded to the ol' cat stuck in a tree call in Queens, and Natto tried to climb the tree to rescue the cat himself. The cat got scared and climbed higher.
Cut to 20 minutes later, and Natto's stuck in a tree while his partner's just finished laughing at him long enough to call the fire department. An elementary school's just let out and children are staring at him. The firemen show up and get a good laugh in before they rescue him.
That's right, firemen had to rescue a cop - not from a fire - but from a tree. You'll never hear about a fireman getting stuck in a tree because they're real men. And they're not morons. Being manly isn't about blind bravery, it's about being brave but smart so you can live to be brave another day. It's a myth that a fireman just runs into a burning building to save someone. They think about how to get the people out afterward.
Officer Natto ran up a tree with no idea how to get back down. So yes, he deserved to get laughed at by manlier men.