Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Even if you can resist returning to the scene of your crime, you probably shouldn't post the pics on social media.
A month ago, when riots erupted at the U.S. Open of Surfing in Huntington Beach, California, somebody graffitied "f**k the pigs" on a cop car. Police posted the above photo on Facebook with the caption, "Help us identify these possible suspects."
A friend of 18-year-old Luis Enrique Rodriguez tagged him in the photo (an arguable Guy Code violation), which Rodriguez then liked and shared, despite wearing the same outfit in his profile pic, sitting atop a police cruiser.
The cops arrested Rodriguez, whom they consider "apparently proud of his actions," after the like/share "was noticed by numerous fans of our Facebook page." But hey, at least he wasn't the riot suspect who tweeted, "I feel like HB Most Wanted right now!"
Most teenagers know that Santa Claus isn't realistic, and neither is his preferred method of entering a home. Nobody apparently told the 16-year-old who got stuck while shimmying down a chimney yesterday in a failed attempt to rob his friend's grandmother, according to Los Angeles authorities.
The teen managed to repel 10 feet, but he'd eaten too many hamburgers and french fries (or cookies and milk?) and wedged himself inside. He began screaming for help; neighbors thought the shrieks were coming from a girl.
Firefighters pumped oxygen through the chute, cut through the house's wall and rescued the wannabe Grinch with rope equipment from the U.S. Army Reserve. Police tweeted, "Just as well, large pitbull waiting inside for him." And they couldn't help but add:
No guy should pay $800 for a dog, but that doesn't make it OK to steal one -- especially not by smothering it with your junk.
Police in Orlando, Florida are looking for a man caught on camera stuffing two puppies into his pants at a pet shop. He first took an $800 pug, then returned to the store and stole a $750 miniature dachshund. He avoided suspicion, police say, because he was accompanied by another man, a woman and a toddler, who appeared to be his family.
The pet store's owner is offering a $250 reward, so contact authorities if you notice anyone selling a pug or dachshund that smells like underwear. (We're not sure how much respect you get in prison for this, but it's probably very little.)
Some guys know how to deal with a breakup and move on. Other guys don't and get arrested.
According to police, 35-year-old Matthew Corp of Miami, Florida, didn't want his girlfriend to abandon him, so -- when she drove away in a moving van -- he came up with one last grand, romantic gesture: Calling 911. He allegedly told the operator that his "wife" had been kidnapped by two men driving a U-Haul.
When cops tracked her down, it was obvious that she was leaving of her own accord, and they arrested Corp (reportedly drunk and belligerent) for misusing emergency services and resisting arrest. We didn't think we had to spell this out, but if you want your girlfriend back, dial 1-800-Flowers, not 911.
Well, this might be the briefest investigation in the history of law enforcement.
On Tuesday, police arrested 24-year-old Ashton Powers of Tempe, Arizona, for slashing the tire of a police car while the officer sat inside, filling out paperwork. Around 2 a.m., the cop felt shaking and heard noise outside, so he opened the automobile's door to find one of its wheels punctured -- and Powers allegedly walking away, knife in hand.
This wasn't an undercover vehicle either; it was a fully marked cruiser. Powers reportedly admitted to the act, and told the officer that he didn't think anyone was inside, even though the f**king engine was running.
"You know this guy isn't very smart at all," a police sergeant told the local ABC affiliate. "It's one of those things we're going to laugh about for a while." Yeah, us too.
When you're a kid, food fights are fun. When you're an adult, they can be a crime.
Last night, police in Wilkesboro, North Carolina, arrested a man named Cody Sebastian Parsons for allegedly throwing a pizza at a woman during a domestic altercation. If you've ever burned the roof of their mouth on a hot slice, you know that pizza can be dangerous.
Fortunately, she made it safely to a neighbor's house to call authorities. Parsons denied flinging the pie, but she had marinara sauce on her back -- and pizza was on the floor -- so the cops charged him with assault on a female.
As if it weren't obvious enough that drugs or alcohol may have been involved, Parsons reportedly passed out several times after being taken into custody. Maybe instead of allegedly throwing the pizza, he should've used it to soak up all that booze?
When a carnivorous beast is capable of devouring a man, you shouldn't offer yourself on a platter. Oh, you might think it's tame, but that doesn't make you any less delicious.
That's the lesson 27-year-old Pravit Suebmee of Thailand just learned. He's a trainer at the Samut Prakan Crocodile Farm and Zoo, and wanted to entertain spectators by putting his head into a croc's mouth, because what could possibly go wrong?
Well, Suebmee almost became Suebmeat. He survived without any major injuries, but that just means he has to live with the fact he's this much of an idiot:
As we count down the days until the football season, we continue to increase the count of football players arrested. If you thought Aaron Hernandez did a poor job of planning his alleged crime, then meet 20-year-old Korey Harris, formerly a defensive end for the West Virginia Mountaineers, which kicked him off the team for allegedly breaking into a home and robbing two people at gunpoint.
How did the cops catch him? Cell phone records? DNA evidence? Jailhouse snitch? No, the victims told police they remembered Harris's Mountaineers-issued sweatpants -- with his number, 96, printed on them. Dude, why not just glue your license plate to your forehead?
Whether or not Harris has a future in the NFL, this case is a great argument for why we should pay college athletes.
Lawn care is a big downside of home ownership, sucking up your precious weekend hours. You could buy a robot to cut the grass, but that costs thousands of dollars. Why not just set your f**king yard on fire? (You have property insurance, right?)
An Oregon man, sick of pulling weeds around his house, recently sent them back to hell with a propane torch. You'll never guess what happened next, according to a local fireman: "[A]lthough he was also wetting down the area with a garden hose, the fire suddenly spread to vegetation next to the home and then ignited the home's exterior cedar siding."
It took a few dozen firefighters half an hour to tame the inferno, about the same amount of time it took last month when another Oregon dude gardened with fire. C'mon, guys, if you're gonna light up some weed, it shouldn't be the kind growing between your wife's azaleas.
It's the Fourth of July. You have to get home, but you're utterly s**tfaced and, besides, your license is suspended.... What do you do?
Well, if you're a normal imbiber, you'd call a taxi or ask a sober friend to drive. But if you're 53-year-old Marion Burden of (where else?) Florida, you'd allegedly jump on a motorized lawn mower and hit the road.
Unfortunately for the Gainesville resident, a ride-on mower still counts as a vehicle. A police officer noticed a "strong odor of alcohol emitting from his person," and "offered him a chance to do some field sobriety exercises, which he performed very poorly on..." According to the cop, Burden blew a .268 (just slightly over the .08 legal limit) and, when asked if he'd been drinking, he replied, "Of course."