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Today's Badass: Ravens Rookie Wideout Torrey Smith Goes Beast Mode

Posted 9/26/11 11:14 am EST by in News, Sports, Today's Badass

There's impressive debuts and then there's what Baltimore Ravens rookie wide receiver Torrey Smith accomplished in his first career start: Smith's first three NFL catches were touchdowns, and they were all in the first quarter of the Ravens blowout of the St. Louis on the Rams own turf. The last time a guy named Torry exploded for three touchdowns, the year was 2006 and the player was Rams great Torry Holt.

Torrey Smith got the start in the place of injured receiver Lee Evans, who ought to be concerned about his starting job once he heals from an ankle problem. Smith finished the day with five catches for 152 yards and those three touchdown scores of 74, 41 and 18 yards. More troubling for Evans is Smith's reaction to one of the touchdowns, with his finger pointed high indicating that he's number one. That sound you hear is fantasy football fanatics desperate for wide receiver help scurrying to their laptops to pick up or bid on the rookie breakout. But if you miss out, don't sweat it. Who remembers Frisman Jackson?

Photo: Getty Images

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Today's Dumbass: Burglar Takes A Mid-Heist Nap

Posted 9/13/11 12:00 pm EST by in News, Today's Badass

Today's Dumbass, an unidentified 35-year-old man from Wichita, Kansas, comes to us from the world of sleepy, stupid criminals. Since he hasn't been identified by the Associated Press, we'll call him Today's Dumbass (in place of Today's Badass), which is appropriate because the dude took a shower and then a nap while burglarizing a home. According to police, the homeless man had gathered his desired goods before deciding to get some suds and a snooze. Then, of course, the homeowners returned to find the man asleep.

In no particular order, showering, Police say the man, who was homeless, had gathered several items he intended to steal Saturday from a house in southeast Wichita. Read more: masturbating, cooking a delicious tiramisu and sleeping are among the most idiotic activities for a burglar midway through a break-in. Today's Dumbass engaged in two of those activities, possibly three. For you bleeding hearts who may be thinking, "Maybe the guy just needed a shower and a warm place to sleep." Well, maybe so, but that's still no excuse to break into a person's private home, period. This guy could very well be a scum of the earth, career criminal with no moral conscience. Whatever he is, he's also Today's Dumbass, and now he's probably in a cell, asleep, in a bed--wait, maybe he's not so dumb.

Via KC Star

Photo: Getty Images

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Today's Jackass: Taser-Wielding Cowboys Fan Zaps Jets Fan

Posted 9/12/11 1:45 pm EST by in News, Sports, Today's Badass, Video

Usually we profile Today's Badass, but this Dallas Cowboys fan changed our focus by zapping a New York Jets fan with a taser he snuck into the September 11 Sunday night game. What happened to pulling together as a country? And what happened to the rigorous security Jets owner Woody Johnson guaranteed? Being that it was a Cowboys fan, the Jets fans are just lucky it wasn't a cattle prod or captive bolt pistol like the one used in "No Country For Old Men."

As the season progresses and rivalries intensify, fans get more and more out of control. That might explain a fan fight in late December, but there's nothing to justify one on the first day of the season, and there's really no justification for using a tazer. You can't see too clearly what's going on in the clip, but you can hear the unmistakable "zzzz zzzz zzzz" of the weapon. Then you can hear everyone murmuring "How'd he get that in here?" C'mon everybody. If you have access to a taser, please only zap those truly deserving, like Philadelphia fans or Cowboys fans.

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Today's Badass: Porsche Driver Wins Race Despite Losing Tire

Posted 9/8/11 4:30 pm EST by in Cars, Today's Badass, Video

Normally the words "Porsche," "driver" and "badass" wouldn't been seen together in the same sentence, but this racer smashed that hard and fast gearhead rule during a recent race in Baltimore. Racer Jeroen Bleekemolen took a wrong turn on the track during a qualifying race for the GT3 Baltimore Grand Prix and lost his left front tire, leaving him with a very thin grasp for the lead.

The rules state cars can only use one set of tires during the race. So instead of punching the steering wheel and crawling into the fetal position on the front seat in a puddle of tears, Bleekemolen parks on the track, runs after the lost tire, throws it on the front seat and races over to the pit lane. His crew throws the tire back on and he goes on to reach the checkered flag in time.

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Today's Badass: Justin Bieber Breaks Steve Nash's Ankles

Posted 9/6/11 2:50 pm EST by in Sports, Today's Badass, Video

Look NBA players, we know Justin Bieber is very hot right now and you're very bored right now. We know your daughter or wife or, God forbid, your son, would think you're way cool if they saw you playing a pickup game with him. But it's a bad idea and you SHOULD NOT DO IT. Playing basketball with Bieber is the ultimate no-win situation. Either you look like a di** for dominating the little guy or you look like a sad old man for getting beat by him. It's like Cleveland: There's just no winning.

Steve Nash knows all about this. The NBA legend and arguably the greatest point guard in the history of the game (of course, you'd have to forget about Magic Johnson to make that argument) recently found himself on the court with his fellow Canuck and the result was bad. Well, nine seconds of it was bad. And naturally, those are the nine seconds that have made it to YouTube. What they show should serve as a warning to anyone thinking of lacing them up with the shrimpy Canuck (Bieber, not Nash). Watch it and realize what this means: If Justin Bieber can cross up Steve Nash, he can dunk on you.

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Today's Badass: Jersey Shore Dad Punches Snowman In Snowface

Posted 9/5/11 2:00 pm EST by in Today's Badass, Video

Jersey Shore locals seem to use the same "punch first, ask questions later" policy that "Jersey Shore" cast members do. This slightly terrifying, protective(?) father is spooked by a man in a snowman costume, pretending to be a snowman statue. Naturally, he punches the snowman in the head. It's an understandable knee-jerk reaction to someone scaring the crap out of you and your kid, but an innocent toddler is caught in the crossfire when the snowman tumbles on her. As for the fate of the Scary Snowman, and the man within the snowman, we assume everything turned out OK because there are quite a few more videos of him scaring the crap out of people.

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Today's Badass: 10-Year-Old With Girl's Name Is Better Than You At Skateboarding

Posted 9/1/11 2:30 pm EST by in Sports, Today's Badass

It's not every day we're willing to bestow the honor of "Today's Badass" on a kid with no pubes and a girl's name. But it is today! Meet skateboarding prodigy Rene Serrano, a little twig of a kid who's the best young skater we've ever seen. He's got tons of tricks in his repertoire and the uncanny ability to LAND THEM ALL. Kid's balance is like Philippe Petit's! Right, guys? Crazy thing is, he's so young that he's only going to get better. Impossible you say? Wrong. Nothing is impossible for Rene. Except for having a dude's name (sorry, one too many times with that joke?).

Source: Buzzfeed

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Today's Badass: Kevin Durant Drops 59 Against LeBron

Posted 8/31/11 10:50 am EST by in News, Sports, Today's Badass, Video

If All-Star exhibition games are the only NBA-caliber action we get for the next several months, at least they're highlight reels. In an exhibition last night before a near-capacity crowd at Morgan State University in Baltimore, Kevin Durant's Washington D.C.-based Goodman League squad faced Carmelo Anthony's Baltimore-based Melo League team, led by Anthony, LeBron James and Chris Paul. Durant emerged as the star of the game, scoring 59 points, although KD's squad fell 149-141 to Melo and Co.'s.

This game, along with every other stop on Durant's tour-de-you-got-wrecked, has been the only positive news during the contentious NBA lockout. Representatives for the players and owners are meeting today, though, for the first time in a long time.

Hating on LeBron James is a sport too, so we'll point out that Durant and All Defensive Team member @KingJames "went at each other" for most of the game. LeBron, who is getting coached up on his low post game by Hakeem Olajuwon, scored 32. That's weak in comparison. Check out the highlights.

Photo: Getty Images

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Today's Badass: Sprinter Proudly Runs Shockingly Slow Race

Posted 8/30/11 12:00 pm EST by in Sports, Today's Badass, Video

Laboring throughout, Sogelau Tuvalu ran the second slowest 100 meter time in the history of the IAAF World Championships this past weekend. And he couldn't be prouder. Because the 17-year-old shot-putter of American Samoa wasn't even supposed to be competing in the event, but having failed to qualify in the shot put, he said, "Hey, f*** it! I'm already here." And he signed up for the 100m race. Now that is the mark of a true badass. Not giving a single f***.

The announcers laughed heartily at Tuvalu's expense, perhaps misguided about his goals, but also understandably because the scene was quite a spectacle. Prior to the race, betting websites listed Tuvalu's odds of winning at 50,000 to 1. In other words, the line-setters sooner thought that the remainder of the seven-man field would either collapse during the race, get attacked by a band of unruly birds, stop mid-race to take a huge dump or otherwise fail to complete the 100 meters in less than 15.66 seconds--Tuvalu's time. That time, by the way, was the young man's personal best. “I believed in myself,” he said of the effort. “This is a dream come true.” You've got to see it.

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Today's Badasses: Dudes Play Rugby In Times Square During Hurricane Irene

Posted 8/29/11 2:00 pm EST by in News, Sports, Today's Badass, Video

Hurricane Irene wreaked havoc on most of the Eastern Seaboard and forced the evacuation of thousands New York City residents. However, the threat did not stop a group of part brave, part insane dudes from playing rugby in an otherwise empty Times Square.

The men competed in the "Hurricane Cup," as the cameraman calls it, at around 9 p.m. on Saturday as rain poured down on New York's abandoned streets. What would possess a group of guys to strap on their uniforms and tackle one another on cement with 80 mile-per-hour winds closing in? Well, because it's kind of awesome and makes for great amateur footage. That's part of it. The other part is a desire to say "Eff you, Mother Nature! You may bring your high winds and flooding, but you will never take our freedom!!!!" Watch the video with some (entertaining) NSFW language from the cameraman.

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