Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
If a polar bear were mauling our neighbors, we'd probably call 911. Or, depending on the neighbor, just sit back and enjoy the show. The point is, we couldn't be counted on to heroically smack the 1,000-pound beast with a shovel like 69-year-old Canadian man Bill Ayotte, who heard a woman's screams coming from outside his house at 5:00 a.m.
Unfortunately for Ayotte, shovels don't always work as bear repellant, and the animal started mauling him. ("Kind of jumping on Bill's chest," one witness recounted.) That's when 18-year-old Didier Foubert-Allen grabbed his shotgun, "trying to scare it off."
Bullets didn't stop the bear either, so Foubert-Allen -- still clad in his underwear, by the way -- hopped into his car and drove right up to it, honking the horn and flashing the lights, because "I knew that if the bear attacked the truck, it would get off of Bill." The bear scurried off, and animal control officers soon killed it, presumably not with a shovel.
We salute Foubert-Allen for having such incredible courage at 18 years old. The only guy who's impressed us more this week is Russian man Yusuf Alchagirov, who survived fighting a bear (which knocked him off a cliff) at the sprightly age of 80. As Russians do.
The bruin that recently attacked New Brunswick man Gilles Cyr is probably regretting that decision. Despite the bear's "friggin' mouthful of teeth" and "friggin'...growls," Cyr grabbed its tongue, causing the animal to bite itself. (You know how much it sucks to accidentally bite your own tongue? Now imagine that you're a bear.)
Luckily, Cyr escaped with minor injuries to his stomach and knee. In the video below, he says that he was only scared "for a second," and compares bear-fighting to "an extreme sport." We're sure that he'd be the friggin' champion.
As a guy born and raised in Anchorage, Alaska, I could tell you that bear-wrestling isn't particularly impressive -- it's just light morning exercise -- but that would be total bulls**t. Alaskans aren't scared of much, but we have a healthy respect for grizzlies.
That's why Jason Lauesen of Fairbanks is Today's Badass. At 6 a.m., a bear clawed its way into his tent, ripping his inflatable mattress and salivating on his pillow. Most people would shriek uncontrollably, their lives flashing before their eyes, but not Lauesen. "My first reaction was to punch, so I did," he told the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner.
The animal scurried 30 feet away, giving Lauesen and his girlfriend time to reach their vehicle for safety. In lieu of a photo, here's an artistic rendering of the epic battle:
We've all dated someone who could use psychiatric care, but Andy Amaya might win the contest for most psycho ex-girlfriend of all. After the Maryland man dumped 26-year-old Helen Newsome last week, according to police, she tried to kill his eight-year-old son, Jacob Soliz-Amaya. Good thing the kid had paid attention during his karate lessons.
Newsome allegedly hid in a house for 12 hours until Amaya left for work, and then tried to suffocate Jacob with a pillow. "She was trying to make me not breathe," the boy told reporters. "She covered my mouth so I head-butted her." She smashed Jacob over the head with a dumbbell, police say, but he broke out some more Ninja Turtles moves and ran away to call 911. Authorities arrested her and took him to a hospital for eight staples.
Self-defense is self-defense, but someday Jacob will learn that a full-grown man never hits a woman, even a crazy one -- you just block her on Facebook and hope for the best.
Five-year-old Jocelyn Rojas was abducted Thursday afternoon. Police canvassed the surrounding area, but Temar "had the gut feeling that I was going to find" her, he told Lancaster Online. He headed out on his bicycle, noticed a car swerving erratically with a little girl inside, and followed it for 15 minutes until the driver let her out and sped off. "She runs to my arms and said, 'I need to see my mommy,' " Temar recounted.
He brought Rojas to authorities, who are now hunting down the kidnapper. Her family calls Temar "a guardian angel," but we prefer "a silent guardian, a watchful protector, a..." Well, you know the rest of Commissioner Gordon's speech. Video below:
Plenty of superheroes ride motorcycles, from total badasses (Batman, Wolverine, Ghost Rider) to goodie two-shoes (Captain America, Cyclops and probably others we're not big enough geeks to know about). We're absolutely hoping to see some motorcycle cosplay when "Guy Code" hits San Diego's Comic-Con later this month.
In the meantime, we're amazed by the real-life hero in the video below, who isn't saving the world, but is saving a cup of Joe left on a car's bumper. The hand-eye coordination here, especially when you factor in the camera, is incredible...almost mutant-like?
The weekend's burgers and hot dogs are long-digested, but here's one last bite of American pride for you. Humongous hero Mark Cooper, pictured above in the Ol' Glory t-shirt, was shopping at an Ohio general store on Thursday when escaped inmate James David Myers walked in to make a phone call.
Recognizing the convicted sexual assailant from a mugshot on the wall(!), Cooper did the responsible thing: He called 911. Then he did the insanely awesome thing: He body-slammed the lowlife fugitive, whom he then restrained -- and hogtied -- until police arrived.
Words don't do the surveillance video justice, so click through to watch. We're hoping this earns Cooper a bright future in the NFL, where he can receive millions of dollars for tackling unrepentant criminals.
Arizona resident Sy Perlis, 91, doesn't sit around waiting for a visit from his grandkids. He doesn't watch Judge Judy sass defendants. And he sure as hell doesn't need a Segway to get around -- he can bench press that Segway.
Perlis just broke the world record in his age group by benching 187.2 pounds, 52 more than the previous record-holder. That's nothing for a dude in his 30s, but we'd be happy to lift half that much in our 90s. (Or, y'know, still be alive.)
Perlis hits the gym five days a week. The best part is that he started weightlifting at 60, around the time when most dudes are weakened by their second divorce and their doctors are pleading with them to just walk for a half-hour each day.
Check out the video below and you'll get to see his wife, who, for a guy in his 90s, is definitely a trophy. We salute you, Sy. We're afraid not to.
The next time your mom tells you to watch educational TV instead of violent sports, explain that watching violence is educational...at least it was for 29-year-old Abel Simmons of California. As he returned home from an Ultimate Fighting Championship bout on Saturday, along with his wife and kids, a carjacker tried to enter their vehicle.
At this point, an average guy might offer the automobile in exchange for his family's safety...but Simmons leaped outside and busted out moves he'd witnessed from years of UFC fandom.
"I had just put him in an arm bar, he slipped right out of it," Simmons told a local news station. "So then I got him...in a guillotine choke. And he wasn't getting out of that. I had that lock really tight. I just held him in place and said, 'Well, guess you are going to jail tonight, buddy.'"
He kept the 32-year-old suspect in the chokehold until cops showed up. Watch video after the jump. Read More...
Usually our "Today's Badass" nominees are old enough to legally drive (or say "Badass" without getting their mouths cleaned out with soap), but five-year-old Caleb Taylor of North Carolina deserves the honor for steering his mom's car after she suffered a seizure.
"I was taking a nap, and I just woke up," Caleb recounted to a local TV station. "Then I saw her not driving."
So he climbed to the wheel from the backseat, shifted gears to neutral, swerved to the side of the busy road, removed the keys and found someone to call 911. Holy crap, this kid's cooler under pressure than we are. Even more incredibly, his father had prepared him for this exact scenario.
"I've always told him if a car runs away, turn the ignition off," his dad told reporters, adding that Caleb "knows how to start a car and hold a steering wheel, ride a lawn mower...you know, go carts."
The heroic tyke now wants to change his name to "Caleb Batman." Put it on his driver's license.