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Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.

Wisconsin
Photos: Getty Images, Wikipedia

Midway through the Ohio State/Wisconsin Badgers game this past weekend, we got to wondering: What the heck does a badger actually look like? Maybe we saw a photograph in elementary school, but the memory's faded and we're pretty sure it doesn't look like chipper Bucky Badger, seen above next to his real-life counterpart. (Although classic fierce Bucky Badger comes closer.)

Which got us thinking: Do any anthropomorphic NCAA mascots resemble the s*** they're supposed to be? Here's a completely unscientific examination--a virtual safari, let's call it--comparing silly costumes with Mother Nature's renderings.

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all-star

The NBA All-Star Game is upon us and we can't wait to bask in the glow of the league's best players on Sunday. But what about the players who won't be there? You know, the worst in the league (who still made the ballot)? Why not pit them against one another?

An NBA All-Scrub Game would be just the thing to revitalize the general malaise plaguing ASG weekend. Here's our starting lineups...

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rodman
Credit: WireImage/Getty Images

NBA All-Star Weekend is basically a groupie national convention. If you're a basketball player or an A-list celeb, you'll be drowning in sex. But what if you can't dunk? Average guys headed to Houston this weekend need a few tricks to score when there's so much high-profile, high-talent competition...

1. Look The Part

Being tall is a good start. In today's increasingly international league, race doesn't matter--you can be tall and Latino, tall and Asian or even tall, bearded and European--as long as you wear an expertly tailored bespoke suit and the finest accessories. (Not to worry if you're short and Jewish; just pretend to be some player's agent or accountant.)

2. Seek Them Out

They won't come to you, because they won't recognize you, so you've gotta go to them. We're talking high-end hotel lobbies and bottle service hip-hop clubs. And Houston's finest purveyors of acrylic nails, hair extensions and vinyl boots.

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NBA All Star Gambling
Credit: Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

Sean Green hosts the Sports Gambling Podcast and is our expert on losing money.

Whoever says NBA All-Star Weekend is meaningless has never won a ton of cash betting on Kevin Love's three-pointers. Here's the bets that'll have you thanking your lucky (all-)stars.

First Score In The All Star Celebrity Game

Usain Bolt (+400): A fast break from the fastest man in the world. Who's going to stop him, Kevin Hart?

The Rising Stars Challenge MVP

Kyrie Irving (+700): His star is rising so fast, it's got Cavalier fans hoping they won't have to torch his jersey someday.

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2012 NBA All-Star Game
Credit: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Every year, we get pumped for NBA All Star Weekend because it always has the same awesome things: slam dunk contests, three-point contests and the skills challenge. Wherever it's held, that town turns into a huge party all weekend. So of course, rappers show up (they love basketball almost as much as parties).

With all the rappers hanging out, we wish we can see them ball more. That's why we're proposing a 2-on-2 tournament where rappers pair up with NBA players. Here's how we think the ideal tournament would go, with teams hand-picked by us:

ROUND 1

LeBron James & Rick Ross Vs. Blake Griffin & The Game

Game 1 Final For Web

While it might not be fun to listen to Lebron James bust a verse, it's damn entertaining to watch Rick Ross ball. Also, they both have gigantic frickin' heads, thus the name "Team Big Head."

As for "Team Clip," Blake Griffin plays for the Los Angeles Clippers, while in each of his songs, The Game raps about 30-round clips. Though his skills on the court are lacking, he might be able to scare his opponents into losing.

Rajon Rondo & Kanye West Vs. Brook Lopez & Jay-Z

Why "Team Kardashian," you ask? If you're reading this, then you have access to the internet, so you know that Kanye West is with Kim Kardashian, and Rajan Rondo punked her ex-husband, Kris Humphries. That means Rondo and Kanye would make a great team, and although we don't know how good Kanye is, we hear he practices quite a bit.

How can you not put Jay-Z, face of the Brooklyn Nets, and Brook Lopez, player and part-namesake of the Nets, on the same team? And not call it "Team Brooklyn"?
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Spoelstra 7 by Ezra Shaw

Erik Spoelstra, head coach of the Miami Heat and this year's Eastern Conference All-Stars, has a lot on his mind. Throughout the season it's his job to keep 2.5 stars happy on his own team, and now he's been blessed with a whole team of stars (whose combined income is enough to fund a small nation). What many consider to be a dream job can be ridiculously stressful.

To his credit, Spoelstra handles his business well with a championship ring to show for it. Let's take a glimpse inside the mind of the luckiest head coach since Phil Jackson was hired for Kobe and Shaq. The following are just some of the many Spoelstra faces that grace the sidelines during Heat games... and what we imagine he's thinking.

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Sprite Slam Dunk Contest
Credit: Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

The NBA definitely has the coolest all-star events of any major sport. There's the Celebrity All-Star Game, the Skills Challenge and the Dunk Contest. Any of those alone is more interesting than the NFL Pro Bowl or the MLB Home Run Derby. But just 'cause it's the best, that doesn't mean it can't be improved...

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San Antonio Spurs v Boston Celtics
Credit: Jared Wickerham/Getty Images

It's been 16 years since Tim Duncan and Kevin Garnett first made the All-Star Game. Back in '97, Garnett was in his third season removed from high school and Duncan was a rookie, playing alongside "The Admiral" David Robinson. There wasn't much doubt that each would win a ring in their careers.

As the 2013 All-Star game approaches, we decided to lounge back in a pair of JNCO jeans and fire up the Nintendo 64 as we reminisce about the year these two giants of the game first became All-Stars.

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Dwayne Wade and Kobe BryantCredit: Getty Images

Finger roll layups, teardrop jump shots, double clutch dunks... NBA All Stars might look smooth on the court, but their skills don't always translate to the microphone. Even some of the best ballers have had truly awkward moments in the world of hip-hop.

1. Dwayne Wade On The Tonight Show

How do you know if you have a killer hip-hop track? If Jay Leno's head is nodding along.

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Denver Nuggets v Los Angeles Clippers
Credit: Getty Images

Players who get drafted into the NBA dream of making the game-winning shot, but some of them never even see the court. Still, they can show team spirit and celebrate from the sidelines. Who needs cheerleaders when you've got these guys?

1. Joakim Noah

The only actual All-Star to make this list, Joakim Noah got here the same way he got to the real game: Good, solid fundamentals. There's nothing flashy about his moves, but the execution is brilliant. He's the John Stockton of dancing.
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