Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Like an army, a basketball team can only succeed if it strikes fear into the hearts of its enemies. (Also, like Batman.) This can be accomplished with raw talent and on-the-court dominance, but an intimidating mascot goes a long way. Guyspeed takes a stunningly in-depth, two-part look at "FARM," a.k.a. "Ferocity Above Replacement Mascot":
No. 5 Oklahoma State Cowboys vs. No. 12 Oregon Ducks
Even though they won the Pac-12 tournament, not everything is ducky for Oregon. The 12 seed not only represents a travesty in seeding in reality, but a difficult matchup with a gun-toting, mustachioed cowboy in Oklahoma State. Man with gun defeats bird every single time. Advantage: Cowboys.
No. 6 Memphis Tigers vs. No. 11 Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders
We love the flying horse of the Blue Raiders. Really, we do. But the horse has to come down sometime, right? And when it does, the tiger (crouching, perhaps) will be waiting for him. Tigers have a very high FARM. Game over, flying horse. Advantage: Tigers.
No. 2 Duke Blue Devils vs. No. 5 Oklahoma State Cowboys
It all comes down to this--which group of men with guns do you think have a higher FARM? A gun-toting cowboy with a mustache or a group of French military men known for "their distinctive blue uniform with flowing cape and jaunty beret"? Against an animal, the French military men win. But against Pistol Pete? No contest.
If your pool size is small, you'll want to stay closer to chalk because the risk has less value. The more bracket entries you're going against, however, the more sense it makes to pencil in a big upset...and if a big upset occurs, there's a good chance you'll get to enjoy a hilarious YouTube rap video like when Lehigh beat Duke last year.
From the opening game in Dayton to the 2013 NCAA championship in Atlanta, each team's key players--some well-known, some obscure--will determine the next few weeks of victories and defeats. GuySpeed sizes 'em up:
Possible Cinderella--Davidson: The talented duo of Jake Cohen and De'Mon Brooks lead the 14th-seeded Wildcats, who have played the Cinderella role before. Getting by a Buzz Williams-coached Marquette team in their first game won't be easy, but it's not a typical 14-3 seed mismatch.
Potential Upset Victim--Syracuse: The Orange are terribly inconsistent. At times, it seems as though Syracuse is one of the nation's best teams, but then they go through stretches like the 41-10 run by Louisville in the second half of the Big East title game. Guards Kareem Jamar and Will Cherry of Montana could certainly send Jim Boeheim home early.
Player To Watch--Victor Oladipo, Indiana: The Hoosiers' athletic guard was the Big 10 Defensive Player of the Year and will be an NBA star someday soon. He is capable of carrying the team to the Final Four.
We're all embarrassed by different things--height, weight, birthmarks, desperate rebounds after a breakup--but falling in public is a universal embarrassment. No matter how coordinated you are, sooner or later you'll slip on an invisible banana peel. The problem for celebrities and athletes is they're constantly on camera, so the whole world can laugh at their clumsiness. Hey, we're all human...but we're not all on YouTube.
1. Mariah Carey Slips Mid-Performance
An extremely pregnant Mariah Carey takes a wayward step. The party of two made it out OK, thankfully, so you're allowed to smirk at their bout with gravity.
+ For more on embarrassment, watch "Guy Code" next Tuesday at 11/10c on MTV2
Ty Cobb, who played outfield from 1905 to 1928, was a record-setting hothead known for being a complete badass. We collected his greatest quotes to show what you can learn from this Major League legend.
"Baseball is a red-blooded sport for red-blooded men. It's no pink tea, and mollycoddles had better stay out. It's a struggle for supremacy, a survival of the fittest."
Here, Mr. Cobb is driving home how competitive baseball is. Life is a lot like baseball, and it ain't for the weak. You wanna get comfy and let the world spin as it may, then go right ahead. Otherwise, get tough, endure the struggle and excel to the top. (Any guy who uses the term "mollycoddles" knows how to make a point, especially if he seems capable of twisting your head off.)
"To get along with me, don't increase my tension."
In other words: "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." Much like the Incredible Hulk, Mr. Cobb had no time for bulls***. We feel the same way, every day. We can do without the stress of whatever drama people might bring to the table. The best way to handle it is by staying away from infuriating idiots. If they increase your tension, cut 'em out!
Oakland A's outfielder Josh Reddick raised the bar for whipped cream pieings last season when he dressed up in a Spider-Man (a.k.a. "Pie-der Man") costume and smashed Coco Crisp after a 13th-inning walk-off sacrifice fly. It's one of baseball's entertaining, delicious traditions. Tastes like victory!
We look forward to more major leaguers getting creative like Reddick (and creamed like Crisp) in 2013. Read on for different stylistic approaches to the art of pie smashing.
You can't fully appreciate March Madness without knowing its history. Oh, you don't need to be a stats junkie who can list every play of every game--but you should know the greatest of all time. Fortunately, Dumb As A Blog has your cheat sheet:
Scottie Reynolds Beats The Clock (2009)
On March 28th, 2009, with less than six seconds on the clock and a trip to the semi-final on the line, Villanova's Dante Cunningham took the in-bounds pass, and scooped it to the speedy Scottie Reynolds, who cut through the middle of the court to deliver the game winning shot, sinking not just the winning bucket, but also Pittsburgh's hopes for their first trip to the Final Four in over 60 years.
Bo Kimble's Left-Handed Foul Shots (1990)
It wasn't so much that Kimble, a righty, attempted his first free throw of every tournament game left-handed as a tribute to his fallen teammate Hank Gathers, who died during a game less than two weeks before March Madness began; it was that he made the shots. During the team's improbable run to the Elite Eight, Kimble was 3-for-3 as a lefty.
In a win-or-go-home situation, team loyalties were thrown out the window for just those few seconds of pure "wow." The moment the ball went through the hoop instantly became one of the greatest moments in the storied history of college basketball.
Christian Laettner Hits "The Shot" (1992)
Grant Hill chucks a ball down the court. Christian Laettner catches, dribbles, turns, shoots, and—swish. Just as the buzzer sounds. And Duke takes down Kentucky, 104-103, in overtime. Keep in mind, this was 19 years ago, back before Duke really became the vanilla always-excellent squad that so many hoops followers detest with such a passion. In fact, Kentucky was Duke before Duke was Duke...meaning it was okay to actually look back on this one fondly.
Sooner or later, that glorious smell of stadium beers and the crack of the bat on Opening Day fades away. Will your baseball interest level fade to black or turn into dreams of a great October run? That's the question, yet many fans struggle to grip reality, in part because they have different expectations for their teams.
We've made the impending 2013 MLB adventure quite simple. In the guide below, you'll find the precise date that you can expect to grasp that your team just isn't championship material. Put another way, it's the date you can say, "Screw it." Read More...
While the bubble gum stick is a relic of the baseball card industry, it remains a prominent part of the game today. Just yesterday, Big League Chew announced that Dodgers outfielder Matt Kemp and Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels would be featured on packages of BLC's shredded chewy delight. (Cartoon characters have appeared on the classic bags since the '70s.)
The baseball season grinds men down, but it's a little sweeter with a wad of gum. Here's 20 photos of players, coaches and their sugary bubble creations.
With only seconds left on the clock, Oklahoma teenager Trey Johnson wanted to secure a victory for Hugo High School. Sure, they were up one point, but why not widen the margin? Unfortunately, Trey got a little confused and scored a game-winning shot for his opponents from Millwood High School. The final score: 38-37.
Nobody in the crowd understood WTF they'd just witnessed. "After a moment the Millwood players' and fans' blank expressions turned into a celebration," said a local photographer. The Hugo fans groaned with the agony of defeat... self-defeat.
You'd think such a massive error would ruin Trey's NBA prospects, but the resulting publicity got him courtside Oklahoma City Thunder seats, plus one-on-ones with players and owners. A strange networking technique, but effective. Here's the video: