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5 Reasons Why The NFL Is Insane For Banning Purses

Posted 6/18/13 2:00 pm EST by in Funny, Sports

NFL Bans Purses
Credit: Chris Graythen / Getty Images

In an effort to tighten security at stadiums, the NFL is no longer allowing handbags. Female football fans are furious, and even though we don't own purses (it's called a "messenger bag," dammit!), we're in total agreement. Here's why the NFL is making a huge mistake...

1. It'll Get Dudes Yelled At

You know how much work it already took to get our girlfriends to the game, and now this? "No, honey, I'm not saying you can't take your purse in ... but the heavyset guy in the windbreaker is." She'll be in a guaranteed bad mood all day long.

2. Now Who's Going To Carry Her Stuff?

All the crap that previously filled her giant bag (chewing gum, cell phone, makeup, hairbrush, Rubik's Cube) is now filling up your pockets. Maybe Roger Goodell just enjoys being booed?

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5 Reasons Why Minor League Baseball Is Better Than The Majors

Posted 6/17/13 3:00 pm EST by in Funny, Sports

Brooklyn Cyclones Season Opener
Credit: Chris Hondros/Getty Images

There are nearly 250 Minor League Baseball teams in the U.S. That means wherever you are, you're a short drive away from one of the greatest shows of summer. Minor League Baseball combines the fun of the national pastime with the pageantry of a small county fair, and that's just one of the reasons why seeing a game in the minors is better than the big leagues...

1. Promotions

Sure, MLB might give you a pennant, a foam finger or a gym bag, but in the minors they take the spectacle up a notch, whether it's pregnancy night (free season tickets for life if a woman gives birth during the game) or liposuction giveaways.

Even more importantly, most teams have cheap beer nights, during which you can get plastered for about five bucks. There's no better way to relax after having all the fat lipo'd out of your body.

2. Team Names

Most team names are dumb. MLB has 30 and two of them are based on pairs of socks. In the minors, they get more creative. Check out the Greensboro Grasshoppers take on the Quad City River Bandits, or the Mobile Bay Bears against the West Tennessee Diamond Jaxx, or the Albuquerque Isotopes versus the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs. Suddenly, "the Rays" doesn't sound half bad.
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Does Tim Tebow Follow Guy Code More Than Any Other NFL Player?

Posted 6/13/13 10:55 am EST by in Funny, Sports

Tim Tebow
Credit: Doug Pensinger / Getty Images

In typical Tebow-like fashion, Tim Tebow's career just saw a miraculous comeback when he signed with the New England Patriots. Regardless of how his career turns out, the most important question remains: Does Tim Tebow adhere to Guy Code more than any other NFL player? We weighed his pros and cons, and even though he's the Ned Flanders of the NFL, Tim Tebow appears to follow Guy Code as much as the good book itself.

Guy Code Fails

1. Throws Like A Chick

Unorthodox is the best thing you can say about Tim Tebow's throwing motion.

2. Cries On National Television

There's no crying in baseball and there definitely shouldn't be any crying in football, especially in the SEC Championship.

3. Custom Eye-black That Is Pretty Close To Makeup

If you want to play dress up, you should have gotten a Division I scholarship for drama.
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10 Ridiculous Golf Cart Fail GIFs

Posted 6/7/13 4:00 pm EST by in Funny, GIFs, Sports

The U.S. Open kicks off next weekend. The very same weekend that MTV airs the Mancation Weekend 2 marathon! Three days of guy-themed programming, featuring the premiere of "Jackass 3D."

There are only a handful of professional jackasses (above!) but plenty of amateurs who, for one reason or another, decide to become Tony Stewart behind the wheel of a golf cart. While the U.S. Open courses are too pristine for golf carts, it's high time for you, me and the four-wheeled, open-air, canopied idiot-mobile riders to dust off the clubs and hit the greens. A necessary word of caution: Don't be a jackass. But if you're born that way, check out the GIFs below, in which people went very, very wrong on a golf cart.

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Eater X's Tips For Chowing Down Like A Champ [INTERVIEW]

Posted 6/6/13 5:00 pm EST by in Food, Interview, Sports

Eater X
Credit: Getty Images

Earlier this week, we had the nauseating pleasure of attending Katz's Pastrami Sandwich Eating Competition. When the cracked pepper settled and the meat had been devoured, we spoke with contestant Tim "Eater X" Janus, who downed 16(!) sandwiches in 10 minutes. Here are his lessons on life, love and gorging this summer.

Are there any tricks for guys to scarf down more food at our BBQs?

I don't even know why you'd want to, honestly. I do this 'cause I love to compete and I make some decent money doing this, but I'd much rather...have a nice one or two sandwiches -- one or two hot dogs -- at a BBQ and have fun.

What does it take to have the heart of a champion?

I think you really gotta want something. You gotta be willing to push yourself farther than anybody. You gotta push yourself outta the comfort zone and you have to always remember what your goals are. You lose sight of those goals, even for a second, you'll let up, and that's your undoing right there.

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Diehard Degenerate: Gambling On The NBA Finals

Posted 6/6/13 11:00 am EST by in Funny, Sports

NBA Finals 2013
Credit: Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

Sean Green hosts the Sports Gambling Podcast and is our expert on losing money.

Are you ready for some flopping? $5,000 fine from the NBA and Paul George yelling "Stop Flopping!" have done nothing to slow down the flop-heavy Miami Heat. Tough to blame them as the refs rewarded their dramatics with 38 free throws compared to the Pacers' 20. Meanwhile the San Antonio Spurs have had so much time off that David Stern is considering fining Gregg Popovich.

The Over

Between the flop fest and the superstar calls an avalanche of free throws awarded will help you bury the over.

LeBron James

Over 27.5 points per game. The only thing that can slow down LeBron James is a concussion from the rim.
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The Guts & Glory Of Katz's Pastrami Eating Contest [PHOTOS]

Posted 6/3/13 5:00 pm EST by in Food, Photos, Sports

Sandwich closeup top photo
Credit: RG Daniels

Katz's Deli, a legendary joint in New York City, celebrated 125 years of shilling smoked meats and brown mustard yesterday. And is there any better way to celebrate than by hosting a Major League Eating competition? We think not. Katz's invited 10 contestants to wolf down pastrami sandwiches, and we were there to cover the action, while shielding our eyes from stray bits of flesh that might've hit us.

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Legendary Athletes Who Would Get Banned Today

Posted 5/30/13 11:50 am EST by in Sports

jose canseco
Credit: Getty Images

It's a natural instinct to believe the past was a classier time when people had real integrity. Nowhere is this myth stronger than in pro sports. Modern players might seem sleazy compared to the wholesome idols of yore, but Guyism's got a history lesson:

Jack Tatum

James Harrison gets labeled public enemy No. 1 every time he gives a guy a headache. Tatum once hit a dude so hard he paralyzed him. Yes, that's right: "The Assassin" assassinated the spinal cord of the Patriots' Darryl Stingley and then just walked away like nothing even happened. What's more, he never even apologized to him. Now that s***'s ice cold. And it sure as hell wouldn't fly in today's flag-football version of the NFL.

Jose Canseco

Before Canseco, baseball players had always cheated a little, but it was considered an open secret that people generally turned a blind eye to...Canseco pumped himself so full of steroids that soon everybody else started doing it, too, and there was no way anyone could ignore that s***.

But Canseco managed to get out just before the crackdown came and he never got so much as a fine for his blatant 'roiding. He wouldn't be nearly so lucky today. And besides, even if he did manage to evade baseball's drug police, the existence of Twitter would no doubt get him in trouble, since it has become abundantly clear that Canseco is completely friggin' nuts.

MORE: "8 Legendary Sports Figures Who Would Be Banned Today"

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Soda Shaq: Finally, A Soft Drink With Shaq's Face On The Can

Posted 5/29/13 4:30 pm EST by in Food, Sports

shaq soda
Photo: Twitter

Lesser athletes might endorse established brands of soda, but that's not good enough for Shaquille O'Neal. He's a pioneer, which means he's creating a new carbonated beverage, Soda Shaq, manufactured by Arizona and hitting stores "very soon." (Presumably sooner than "Shaqfighter," his possible video game sequel to 1994's "Shaq Fu.")

Is it wrong to get our hopes up that he'll release a new brand of condoms called "Love Shaq"? For more about the announcement and soda flavors, head over to Geekosystem.

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Today's Dumbass: Dad Sues For $40M After Son Cut From Team

Posted 5/28/13 2:00 pm EST by in Sports, Today's Dumbass

track
Credit: Bill Varie

Father's Day is coming up, and dads everywhere are trying extra-hard to impress. Like 68-year-old Ervin Mears, who is suing New Jersey's Sterling Regional High School for $40 million after his 16-year-old son, Mawusimensah, got axed from the track team.

The school blames Mawusimensah for missing too many practices, but the proud papa claims that "[p]articipation in extracurricular activities is a right." He's now seeking a fortune from the coach, the principal, the superintendent and even the school board.

Oh yeah, Ervin is also demanding that the school give his son two varsity letters and jackets. When the Philadelphia Inquirer asked if he's interfering in the school's athletics program (reportedly getting into previous fights with the coach), Ervin said, "I better interfere, or else Mawusimensah could lose a potential athletic scholarship."

Because college admissions officers just love applicants whose parents sue their kids' schools for $40 million.

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