Relationships - Part 9

6 Guy-Friendly Dates That She'll Enjoy Too

Posted 11/30/12 2:00 pm EST by Michael Pomranz in Relationships

Credit: Carmen Martinez Banus

Girls always want to go to the zoo, a park, some garbage like that. Guys would rather sit at home, play video games and drink beer. The result is that you go on the same date over and over again: dinner at an overpriced restaurant, both genders chugging wine to contain their boredom, followed by a movie, probably also a boring compromise. At some point, Jospeh Gordon-Levitt appears onscreen.

But going out with your lady doesn't have to be that way. Girls love trying new things and going new places, so why not go someplace awesome? Here's six great date ideas that you'll both enjoy.

1. Whiskey Tasting

Credit: Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images

Guys and girls love getting blitzed. The difference is that women like to pretend their drinking is classy. (Why do you think girls drink out of martini glasses and guys invented the keg stand?)

That's why a whiskey tasting is a perfect compromise: whiskey is about as manly as alcohol comes, yet nothing is classier than sipping out of a tiny glass, saying things like, "Oh, this one has the nose of fresh sea air." Bonus: you both end the date hammered.

Why You Wouldn't Want To Date Taylor Swift

Posted 11/29/12 11:00 am EST by Guy Code Staff in Funny, Music, Relationships

Credit: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Before you enter a serious relationship with a girl, you should pay attention to how she talks (or sings) about her exes, because history has a way of repeating itself. In the case of Taylor Swift, you'll probably wind up becoming fodder for bitter lyrics. She once even promised a boyfriend that she wouldn't write a song about him... and then backtracked:

Of course I was like, "Oh, don't worry, I won't." And then I did. Look, it's not like it was written somewhere in the fine print that I write songs about my life. If we break up, I'm going to write about it. But I'm probably also going to write about when I fell in love with you. So there's an upside.

As our friends at BroBible note:

Big, big warning flag here. So she told a guy she wasn't going to write about him, then she went ahead a did it anyway? Et tu, Brute? Even worse, Swift doesn't seem to display a tinge of remorse for stabbing this guy in the back with a tell-all breakup song. Instead, she gloats about the "upside" of falling in love with her because she'll write about it.

Win or lose, you're getting a song written about you. How lucky! Swift's attitude reeks of selfishness and comes across as completely ignorant of the feelings of the other person in the relationship.

MORE: 9 Reasons You Wouldn’t Want to Date Taylor Swift, Explained By Taylor Swift Quotes (BroBible)

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Tags Breakup Songs, BroBible, Taylor Swift

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Cowboy Code: How To Date In Montana

Posted 11/27/12 5:00 pm EST by Charlie Kasov in Funny, Relationships

Credit: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Here at the Guy Code Blog, we believe strongly in Guy Code. (Obviously.) But we also know that what works in cities and suburbs might not work in mountain or cow towns.

Advice on how to take a girl on a classy date won't help you when the nearest elite nightclub is a three-day drive away. So, we talked to "Griz Girl" coeds at the University of Montana to find out how successful guys roll on the dating scene there.

Date Spots

Western girls dig the great outdoors, and they especially dig you if you know your way around. So become a ranger, or at least plan a bunch of outdoor dates: hunting, fishing, skiing, drunk fishing, etc.

Point is, western girls know how to shoot guns, like to shoot guns and will brag to their friends about how many quail you shot, cleaned and cooked on your last date.

Etiquette

Thing is, even though western girls enjoy hunting, flannel, beer and burping, they still appreciate it when a guy is more macho. So they expect you to pay for the date. And the bullets, probably.
Read More...

Tags cowboy, cowgirl, Dating, montana, Style

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Idiotic or Awesome: Embracing Strangers At 'Cuddle Workshops'

Posted 11/27/12 1:00 pm EST by Brett Smiley in News, Relationships

Photo: Paramount Pictures

A cuddling sensation that started in London has apparently spread globally. According to the New York Daily News, more and more people are seeking the warm embrace of strangers at "cuddle workshops," a respite from the brutally cold world consisting of diminished connectivity, pseudo-friendships on Facebook and text messages. But these workshops aren't grabasstic free-for-alls that turn into wild orgies; there are rules: "Keep a layer of clothes on," an English instructor told her class. "Place your sexual energy to one side. No kissing." So there you have it--pay up for the opportunity to cuddle with whoever happens to appear at a class. It's a bit unusual, so let's see how this thing comports with Guy Code:

Idiotic

Place your sexual energy to one side? For real? Tell that to the women who get boners jammed into their kidneys or the guys that stalked by overly attached cuddlers. Save for a few truly clueless individuals, no one attends these classes to learn how to cuddle; they're there for the intimacy. Isn't that kind of sad? And how much different is this than prostitution, aside from the coitus? Organizers may call them cuddle workshops but in reality they're cultish sexual-assault-a-toriums.

Awesome

There's a real lack of intimacy these days, so it's understandable people may need help to fill that void, so good for those cuddlers. And no--this is nothing like prostitution (the world's oldest profession!), which you may or may not have a problem with to begin with. These workshops are supervised and participants come clothed. If people really enjoy and benefit from the experience, who cares?

Tell us with your votes!

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Tags Cuddle Workshops, Cuddling, idiot or awesome, Intimacy

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6 Winter Outfits That Never Get You Laid

Posted 11/21/12 5:00 pm EST by Charlie Kasov in Funny, Relationships

Credit: Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

Winter is almost here, and unless you live in south Florida or southern California, it's going to get cold, and you're going to have to bundle up. For some reason, the fashion powers that be decided that most men's winter clothing should make us look like adorable little boys or grown-up felons. While you're free to dress however you want, if you want good odds under the mistletoe or as the New Year's clock counts down, here's some winter outfits you need to avoid.

1. Ski Masks

Photo via WordPress

Just stop with this. When you wear one, you're not even creepy; creepy implies that the person who sees you is slowly unsettled by you. You just look frightening. Everyone wants to run away from you. And if you don't wash it properly, any girl who does stick around will see your acne-covered face when you take it off.
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Tags Christmas, Fashion, ski mask, ugly christmas sweaters, winter

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6 Extreme Ways To Keep It In Your Pants And Not Cheat

Posted 11/16/12 4:00 pm EST by Marty Beckerman in Funny, Relationships

Perhaps it was inevitable that former CIA Director David Petraeus would throw away his remarkable career for sex with his beautiful, hero-worshiping biographer. Or perhaps he just needed some unorthodox methods of dick control.

If you're among the 28% of guys who can't stay faithful, here are some tools and techniques that will ensure your zipper remains zipped...

1. The Male Chastity Belt

Credit: ChastityBeltForMen.com

Popular in the S&M community, these padlocked devices--available for the low, low price of $149.95--can "bring trust back into [a] sometimes troubled relationship ... especially in cases of infidelity or as simple as attending a bachelors party," explains the manufacturer. (If your fiancée makes you wear this lockbox on your last night of freedom, you might want to reconsider the engagement.)

Idiot or Awesome: Man Divorces, Sues Wife For Ugliness And Wins

Posted 10/26/12 3:00 pm EST by Brett Smiley in News, Relationships

Photo: Costa Rica Times

Money can't buy love, but it can buy you some exceptional plastic surgery, as you can see from the above before-and-after photos of a Chinese woman who spent a reported $100,000 reconfiguring her face. With her new appearance, she found herself a husband. It was happily ever after... until they had a baby. A really ugly baby.

So convinced about his (and his wife's) non-ugly genes, the man accused his wife of infidelity, prompting her to confess that--prior to meeting him--she looked very, very different. He then sued her, seeking $120,000 in damages, for duping him into marrying under false pretenses. (Specifically, that she had attractive genes and therefore would not give birth to a horrible looking-baby.) And he won! Father of the year, this guy.

Let's look into this further--and keep in mind, the story originates with some Macedonian news agency that we've never heard of, so we're not 100 percent sure about its veracity.

Idiot

He married her. He loved her. They had a child together. His only complaint is a totally superficial one. Plus, his wife is much more attractive as a result of the procedures. Why add insult to injury with the lawsuit? How ugly is ugly enough for a baby to warrant $120,000 worth of damages? Is there a sliding scale? We're not sure if that's the monetary value associated with a lifetime of having a hideous child, or money that's supposed to make him whole for marrying a woman who didn't disclose a surgery from her past. (Or maybe it's so he can afford to give the baby plastic surgery?) Either way, this guy is real shallow.

7 Halloween Costumes That Never Get You Laid

Posted 10/26/12 2:00 pm EST by Charlie Kasov in Funny, Relationships

Credit: Todd Keith

There's a point in fifth or sixth grade when Halloween becomes less about the trick-or-treating and more about shaving cream and eggs. Then there's another point in high school when it becomes less about shaving cream and eggs and more about hooking up. And from that point forward, that's what Halloween means for the rest of your life.

You have to realize, your costume makes you or breaks you with women. Everyone knows the ones that work: The Crow, any character Johnny Depp's played, a rock star who shows off his abs, a jock if you like dumb women and a "Twilight" character if you want a brooding, sexless long-term relationship.

Every dude can't show up at the same party dressed like Jack Sparrow, though. Originality gets points, but within reason. Your buddies might think your unique idea is awesome, however, girls might find that same idea creepy as hell. We got you covered. Here are seven costumes you should avoid so ladies don't avoid you this Halloween.
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Tags Costumes, Halloween, Hipsters, sex

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How To Use Your Dog As A Wingman

Posted 9/24/12 1:15 pm EST by Madeline Roth in Relationships, The Show

Credit: Harold David S./Splash News

When it comes to picking up girls, look at it like a game of "Call of Duty." You need a battle plan, proper ammunition and, of course, your backup. These fellow comrades, your wingmen, are the ones who can make or break your mission. Usually they're your best buddies, but in case they're not available when you really need them, there is one alternative option that will never fail you: your dog. Man's best friend will never pass up a chance to go out with you (because it can't speak) and it'll never steal a girl away from you (because it's not human). Therefore, they are literally the most perfect wingmen ever, but there are right and wrong ways to make the most of their magic abilities. Here are some tips on how to properly use your dog as your wingman:

1. Use a puppy to look vulnerable.

If you have a small dog, pick it up and hold it in your arms. However, resist any baby talk; you want to look vulnerable, not creepy.

2. Use a big dog to look tough.

On the flipside, walking a big dog will make you look tougher and more protective. Just make sure the dog isn't too mean or unapproachable. No great love story has begun with: "I fell for him after his Rottweiler chewed my finger to shreds."
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Tags Dogs, Pets, pickup

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What Not To Say To Your Girlfriend's Parents

Posted 9/18/12 5:15 pm EST by RG Daniels in Funny, Relationships, The Show

Credit: Vincent Besnault via Getty Images

"Very nice to meet you. I pictured you way fatter than you really are."

"Your daughter is safe with me. Unless I'm the one in the danger…then she might have to die."

"I love your daughter very much. With a rack like that, who wouldn't?"

"I would love a drink, thank you. I'm sure you know how exhausting it is to listen to your daughter all day."

"All this talk about your daughter is making me horny. Just kidding. I was horny before we got here, but she took too long to get ready."

"I saw a pig wearing that same dress at the zoo, Mrs. Johnson!"

"Mr. Jones, you look exactly like this guy I knew in college. He was a huge stoner and accidentally set himself on fire."
Read More...

Tags Awkward, Funny, Jokes, one-liners, Parents

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