Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
When you're on a first date, it's crucial to make a good first impression. You'll be under intense scrutiny for several hours, sure, but she'll probably make her mind up about you in the first few minutes--or even the first few seconds.
At least you can tip the scales in your favor by choosing the right location. If you meet in a fun or sophisticated environment, you'll seem like a fun or sophisticated guy. But not every woman enjoys the same activities. Here's a guide to help you make the right call.
For more on first dates, watch "Guy Code" Tuesday at 11/10c on MTV2
Match.com. OkCupid. PlentyOfFish. There are a slew of Internet dating sites out there, and they've become a completely legitimate and viable means of finding a mate. We all know someone who met their girlfriend or wife online. It works.
But you still must navigate these waters with supreme caution. For every guy who finds a perfect 10, there are a bunch of others who wind up like Manti Te'o. Whether you already have an online dating profile or are just thinking of signing up for one, keep your eyes open for these red flags and message with caution.
1. The 45-Degree Angle Picture
This is online dating's most common form of false advertising, and it's as devious as it is flattering, designed to hide a woman's body while making her face appear as thin as possible. Sadly, there are far too many ladies out there pretending to look like Eva Mendes when they actually look more like Luis Guzman. Nobody's buying it, sista. Quit the faux-to shoots.
Death By Cunnilingus? Well, that's no way to repay a favor.
A Brazilian woman, unhappy with her marriage, has reportedly confessed to a unique murder scheme: inserting poison into her vagina and then begging her 43-year-old husband to perform oral sex. However, the man noticed an unpleasant odor--more unpleasant than normal, anyway--and rushed her to the hospital because she was loopy from the toxin she had allegedly planted inside herself.
Every marriage has its up and downs, of course, but this one is going down (so to speak) permanently. The husband will sue for attempted murder, according to local sources, and police are investigating whether the case merits criminal charges. It would be a shock if he denied her divorce request again after this. And if they do find a way to make it work, we're guessing he'll wear a surgical mask for 69.
Maybe 10 years from now, no one will talk to each other on the phone. Talking on the phone is bad for you. We're less intelligent when we're forced to think while we speak, and we listen worst when we can tune out the speaker and surf the web with near impunity.So yeah, texting your mom makes you a better person than calling her.
But that doesn't mean everyone who texts is as smart as the idea of texting is itself--a douchebag will always be a douchebag. When time traveling gets invented, there'll be people who only want to go Woodstock '99 and the Roman Empire. Those are the same guys who suck at texting, and they're just plain obnoxious when it comes to flirting with women. There's all types of obnoxious texters. Don't be these guys.
For more on texting, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2 Read More...
Cock blockers: They're everywhere. At parties, bars, weddings, even (if you're a sick bastard) funerals. Wherever they pop up, you can't get your rocks off. No matter who does it, it's so frustrating that it feels beyond cock blocking: it's cock goaltending. And sometimes they're not even people; plenty of other factors can keep you from fulfilling your biological urge. With so many obstacles standing in your way, it's a miracle you ever get laid at all.
For more on cock-blocking, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2
1. The Ex
Your ex-girlfriend can cock-block you directly--by telling her gal pals what a jerk you are to ruin your chances with them--but also indirectly. For example, if you s**t-talk her, girls will assume you've got anger issues; if you say nice things about her, girls will assume you're still carrying a torch. She's basically haunting you from the relationship grave.
All guys need a friend to be there for us, call us out on our mistakes and provide the necessary support when navigating through the rocky terrains of the opposite sex. (For more on this, check out Jon Gabrus in the trailer for "Wingman: The Movie.") A solid wingman is necessary for heterosexual male success--but the more we think about it, our most solid wingmen are our gay friends. Here are five reasons why...
1. No Competition
When trying to impress a girl, the last thing you need is a complication like your friend saying, "Dude, I think I kinda like the one you're talking to." Your gay friend ensures you're the lone wolf in the pack. It's a straight path to success with little chance of interference. Read More...
On Tuesday's episode of "Guy Code," the cast will talk about losing your virginity. Some of us here at Guy Code Blog are sharing our stories. #Don'tJudgeUs
I had a couple drunken oral forays my freshman year of high school, then I quit drinking and getting anywhere with girls. I kept smoking cigarettes though, which meant I hung out at the edge of school property with a diverse bunch of f**k-ups.
One night senior year, I'm talking on the phone with one of said f**k-ups, Jessie, a junior who I made out with at a New Year's Eve party a week earlier. She's implausibly hot--way out of my league--but I don't understand how low self-esteem affected decision-making back then, so I feel like this is happening because I, too, am hot.
The girl has the voice of a developmentally delayed gangster, and she starts telling me how she wants me to be her "Best F**k Friend." I don't know if physicists can measure the increment of time it took me to reply, but five minutes later, I'm driving to her house to pick her up. You don't make gangsters wait, you know? Read More...
On Tuesday's episode of "Guy Code," the cast will talk about losing your virginity. Some of us here at Guy Code Blog are sharing our stories. #DontJudgeUs
While I consider myself a normal-looking dude these days, when I was in high school I was a simply bizarre-looking: Super tall, emaciated skinny, bad teeth… I was Screech.
Screech never got laid in high school, and neither did I.
I didn't have looks, but I did have a sketch comedy series on Long Island public access TV (which I wrote, shot, edited, starred in and "directed") for roughly two years. It was awful--pure, unadulterated crap. During one sketch, I went door-to-door selling douche bags... just me, walking around Long Island, selling feminine hygiene products. This went on for 14 minutes.
The show didn't set the world on fire like I hoped it would, but I did have one fan. And she wasn't just a fan--she was a superfan. And even more important, she was a she. Jackpot.