Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Men don't merely dread February because we've gotta buy our ladies Valentine's Day gifts; we've also gotta tell 'em what we want. Guys are notoriously hard to shop for; mostly we just want peace and quiet.
But if your girlfriend is demanding a wishlist, and you're drawing a blank, here's a list of tech gadgets that'll make you happy to receive and her happy to give.
Valentine's Day is swiftly approaching, and tons of guys are preparing to pop the question. If you're one of 'em, try to do it in the same damn zip code as your girlfriend. Because NFL quarterback Jay Cutler is currently underneath an avalanche of ridicule after fiancee (she said yes!) Kristin Cavallari told E! News:
"It was so silly. I was in the airport, leaving Chicago. We had just spent however many days together and we were texting and somehow it came up, like, 'Oh, shall we get married?' We're like, 'Yeah, OK.' And then he sent my ring in the mail. So I actually had my ring sitting at home for a couple of weeks before I put it on."
Now, before we pile on, it should be noted that Cutler and Cavallari were previously engaged, and reconciled after a breakup. Also, Cavallari has walked the quote back:
Valentine's Day is a high-risk, high-reward endeavor. Correctly guess your girlfriend's taste in gifts, and you're in for some "gifts" of your own. But if you choose poorly, you'll lose even more points than you would for a crappy Christmas or birthday present, because those celebrations aren't all about your commitment to each other.
The good news: Tiffany Luu from "Guy Code" is here to help you avoid the wrong decision, and maybe (by some miracle) pick the right one. We ran some V-Day classics by her, as well as unorthodox suggestions from gift guides around the web.
+ Watch Tiffany on "Guy Code" this Tuesday at 11p/10c on MTV2 and follow her on Twitter Read More...
"Guy Code" viewers have shown their love, making it the highest rated original series in MTV2 history. (Hell, it's the #1 cable show in its time slot among teens, and #2 for everyone else.) So the cast is returning the favor, helping you show your love on Valentine's Day, which Damien Lemon theorizes Hallmark created to "manipulate women's emotions and men's wallets."
In this clip from next week's episode, April Rose gives you the formula for success ("Nice dinner + nice gift = sex"), former WWE star Barbie Blank makes a special appearance and Melanie Iglesias teaches you how to make her smile. Speaking of which, during the episode she'll announce the winner of MTV2's "Win a Date with Melanie Contest." Are you the lucky dude out of 380 who entered? Tune in to find out.
When you're on a first date, it's crucial to make a good first impression. You'll be under intense scrutiny for several hours, sure, but she'll probably make her mind up about you in the first few minutes--or even the first few seconds.
At least you can tip the scales in your favor by choosing the right location. If you meet in a fun or sophisticated environment, you'll seem like a fun or sophisticated guy. But not every woman enjoys the same activities. Here's a guide to help you make the right call.
For more on first dates, watch "Guy Code" Tuesday at 11/10c on MTV2
Match.com. OkCupid. PlentyOfFish. There are a slew of Internet dating sites out there, and they've become a completely legitimate and viable means of finding a mate. We all know someone who met their girlfriend or wife online. It works.
But you still must navigate these waters with supreme caution. For every guy who finds a perfect 10, there are a bunch of others who wind up like Manti Te'o. Whether you already have an online dating profile or are just thinking of signing up for one, keep your eyes open for these red flags and message with caution.
1. The 45-Degree Angle Picture
This is online dating's most common form of false advertising, and it's as devious as it is flattering, designed to hide a woman's body while making her face appear as thin as possible. Sadly, there are far too many ladies out there pretending to look like Eva Mendes when they actually look more like Luis Guzman. Nobody's buying it, sista. Quit the faux-to shoots.
Death By Cunnilingus? Well, that's no way to repay a favor.
A Brazilian woman, unhappy with her marriage, has reportedly confessed to a unique murder scheme: inserting poison into her vagina and then begging her 43-year-old husband to perform oral sex. However, the man noticed an unpleasant odor--more unpleasant than normal, anyway--and rushed her to the hospital because she was loopy from the toxin she had allegedly planted inside herself.
Every marriage has its up and downs, of course, but this one is going down (so to speak) permanently. The husband will sue for attempted murder, according to local sources, and police are investigating whether the case merits criminal charges. It would be a shock if he denied her divorce request again after this. And if they do find a way to make it work, we're guessing he'll wear a surgical mask for 69.
Maybe 10 years from now, no one will talk to each other on the phone. Talking on the phone is bad for you. We're less intelligent when we're forced to think while we speak, and we listen worst when we can tune out the speaker and surf the web with near impunity.So yeah, texting your mom makes you a better person than calling her.
But that doesn't mean everyone who texts is as smart as the idea of texting is itself--a douchebag will always be a douchebag. When time traveling gets invented, there'll be people who only want to go Woodstock '99 and the Roman Empire. Those are the same guys who suck at texting, and they're just plain obnoxious when it comes to flirting with women. There's all types of obnoxious texters. Don't be these guys.
For more on texting, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2 Read More...
Cock blockers: They're everywhere. At parties, bars, weddings, even (if you're a sick bastard) funerals. Wherever they pop up, you can't get your rocks off. No matter who does it, it's so frustrating that it feels beyond cock blocking: it's cock goaltending. And sometimes they're not even people; plenty of other factors can keep you from fulfilling your biological urge. With so many obstacles standing in your way, it's a miracle you ever get laid at all.
For more on cock-blocking, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2
1. The Ex
Your ex-girlfriend can cock-block you directly--by telling her gal pals what a jerk you are to ruin your chances with them--but also indirectly. For example, if you s**t-talk her, girls will assume you've got anger issues; if you say nice things about her, girls will assume you're still carrying a torch. She's basically haunting you from the relationship grave.