The truth about relationships is that most of 'em don't work out. Every breakup has its own causes -- personality differences, cheating, realizing that your partner is bats**t crazy -- but whatever the reason, sometimes you've gotta part ways. Just remember to do it like a man. As Guyism explains, you won't feel proud of yourself for calling things off...
Don't be this guy. It's cold and it’s impersonal and while, sure, it means you don't actually have to deal with any of the fallout face to face, you just end up looking like a huge coward and an assh**e. Unless you're Stephen Hawking and can only speak via some weird text box thing, then you've got no excuse for this, and I bet even he would roll up and do it face to face.
By Changing Your Facebook Status
Changing your Facebook status from "In a relationship" to "Single" just because you know that eventually your girlfriend will see it and take a hint is some shameful s**t. So grow up and let your human mouth do the talking instead of hoping the machines will rise up and do your dirty work for you.
By Having A Friend Do It For You
What are you, in fourth grade?
+ Follow Guy Code on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Google+
Credit: Mitch Kezar/Getty Images
You're thinking the zoo might make for the perfect outdoor date with the chick you've been wooing all season long? Think again. Zoos suck in any month, but they suck even harder in the summer. Here's why...
Zoos generally provide very little shade. You'll need a golf cart or a Sherpa to carry the hat, sunscreen, water bottle, collapsible fan and umbrella required to protect you both from heat stroke. This is not a suitable habitat for sexiness.
Meanwhile, that hot sun pairs terribly with hot rhino s**t. The zoo never smells great, but in the summer, all those nauseating stenches will totally kill the mood.
Credit: Bryn Lennon/Getty Images
Whether you're looking to get laid or hopelessly searching for The One, there's an app for that. It's called Tinder and it recommends potential partners based on your location. You swipe the person's picture to the right if you're interested and swipe to the left if you're not. If you're a match, it connects you to chat.
With minimal information from Facebook (first name, five photos, quick bio and mutual interests), it can be tough to keep a girl intrigued. Unfortunately, too many guys take the wrong approach. Here are real-life examples of Tinder strategies to avoid...
1. The Surprise Fetish
If you've got a kink, more power to you. But don't expect most people to share it. Want a girl who's into that stuff? Then put it in your profile. If she swipes right, enjoy.
Photo via YouTube
You might think, looking at the above image, that this guy has some disturbing plans for that disembodied mechanical head. Well, you couldn't be wronger, sicko -- it's a robot that tests whether your breath is fresh enough for kissing a fellow human being. Her responses range from "It smells like citrus!" to "Emergency, There's an emergency taking place!" (Did we mention this came from Japan?)
We're doubtful that the average guy needs such a fresh breathalyzer. First off, you should always brush your teeth before a date anyway, so it's redundant. Secondly, holy s**t, this ghoulish thing is gonna terrify any woman you bring home.
However, according to Nerve, there are other robotic innovations that could improve your prospects with the ladies. And really, it's only a matter of time until humanoid machines themselves gain sentience and develop the ability to love. Until then, keep your dignity and stay away from the sex droids, especially ones that lack a torso.
+ Follow Guy Code on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Google+
When you get into a relationship, you and your girl will compare each other to past flames. (Or past socks, if she's your first.) At some point, she'll talk about her ex-boyfriend, especially if she just got out of a relationship. It'll happen more than once, and it can actually be healthy for both of you to discuss your exes (or socks).
However, how you react can affect the future of your relationship. That's why we came up with the pie chart above -- to help you properly compartmentalize all the feelings you'll have about her bringing up that jerk.
Why you'll feel this way: No dude is psyched to hear about other dudes being with his girlfriend.
Why you shouldn’t worry: She's with you now. Unless she's talking about hanging out with him regularly, you've got nothing to be afraid of.
Why you'll feel this way: You've heard a small penis joke every day since you were six years old. That s**t wears you down.
Why you shouldn’t worry: She won't bring that up unless you've been acting like a bigger dick than whatever he has in his pants.
Credit: Warner Bros.
You two are always on the same page. You like the same fast food; you hate the same reality shows. Sometimes, you swear that you both share a brain. Congratulations, you're in a rad bromance! However, your girlfriend might not share that warm, fuzzy feeling. Here are five ways your closest friendship can destroy your relationship...
1. He Talks You Into Doing Stuff That Pisses Her Off
Sure, bro time is a great opportunity to partake in activities she's not into, but spending Monday nights at a topless bar 'cause "she doesn't make the rules for you, man" is a surefire ticket to fight town.
2. You Only Leave The House With Him
It's great that you and your bro have epic adventures together, but she expects you to take her out sometimes. Party with him, but make sure she gets to do more with you than just care for your hangover.
Credit: Charley Gallay/Getty Images
It can happen at any time to any guy: You're living a blissfully single life when, bam -- you fall for a girl and find yourself smack in the middle of a committed relationship. Sooner or later, you'll be holding in farts and sharing quinoa, so make sure you hook up with at least one of these chicks first.
Every guy should have at least one good "novelty sex" story in their back pocket, and D-list celebs are perfect for one-upping your buddy who hooked up with his professor or personal trainer. If you spot a reality "star" or has-been musician, buy her a drink and be her No. 1 (and maybe only) fan.
No one wants to date a chick who's prone to tantrums and pathological lies, but the unfortunate reality is that these girls are generally incredible in bed. Have a tumble in the sheets with her, because everyone deserves that at least once in his life, but leave before she wakes up and stabs you in the shoulder with a fork.
Text & Illustrations by Jake Young
Most dating advice is well-intentioned. Every guy wants to help his buddy get lucky (unless he's a selfish prick). However, even the best advice can go wrong. Read these cautionary tales and learn to take all relationship suggestions with a grain of salt moving forward.
Just Be Yourself
Don't be ashamed of who you are, and own your weaknesses as well as your strengths. It's a perennial favorite among young-adult fiction authors and well-meaning moms. However, this doesn't give you carte blanche to disregard all the rules of society and shun all judgment. The Just-Being-Myself Guy may lack the necessary self-awareness that makes parties, bars and conversations with strangers acceptable. You can be yourself without being too much to handle. We're social creatures; we have customs and manners that you shouldn't cast aside in the name of "selfness."