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5 Tips For Planning Your Girlfriend's Birthday

Posted 4/24/13 12:50 pm EST by in Ladies, Relationships

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Credit: Joey Boylan/Getty Images

For every girl who thinks her birthday is the most important day of the year, there's a boyfriend who thinks a lame card and a breakfast burrito make a killer gift. Birthdays might not matter to you, but if you mess up hers, you'll hear about it for the next 364 days. Here are a few tips for successfully planning some birthday magic for your lady.

1. The Morning Surprise

This doesn't have to be extravagant like a Lexus with a huge red bow on it--just do something to kick off the day. Breakfast in bed is a classic. Or sneak a "happy birthday" note into her bag. Or, if you're feeling inspired, give her a mini-gift (a dog collar) that hints at the real gift you're giving later (a leather bodysuit...or, uh, a puppy).

2. She's Already Told You What She Wants

Even if she didn't say outright, "Buy this present for my birthday," she's probably dropped hints--you just weren't paying attention. Has she mentioned wanting something recently? Has she mentioned wanting it a thousand times?

Also, remember: The money you spend isn't half as important as the thought you put into it. And don't just get her whatever your buddy got his girl; not all girls are into stuff made out of hemp.

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The Opponents' Playbook: Useful Tricks From 'Girl Code'

Posted 4/24/13 11:00 am EST by in Ladies, Relationships

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Your friends might have decent advice on getting chicks, but you know who has better advice? Chicks. And last night's premiere episode of "Girl Code" gave you plenty of insider knowledge to work with...

1. Give Her Your Breast Regards

Girls are all insecure about their boob size, so a compliment in the bedroom can go a long way--but keep it tasteful. Do NOT say, "I wanna touch your boobies," Carly Aquilino warns.

2. Fit The Profile Or Move On

Most girls have a "type," so 90% of impressing them is just fitting it. For Jessimae Peluso, it's guys with "forearm tattoos and priors." For April Rose, who has a "major daddy complex," it's older guys. Some ladies even love fat dudes. The point is, if she's feeling you, you'll know right away. Otherwise, you're wasting your time.

3. Study Her Body...Language

She won't outright tell you that she's feeling you, though--instead, she'll touch your arm and laugh harder than normal. (This can be confusing, as Chris Distefano notes, because she might just be on Quaaludes.)

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5 Reasons Female Roommates Are Better Than Men

Posted 4/23/13 1:00 pm EST by in Relationships

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Tonight on the series premiere of "Girl Code" (10:30/9:30c on MTV), the cast discusses the problems and benefits of roommates. Men only ask themselves three questions when picking a roommate: 1) Will he pay rent? 2) Will he mess with my stuff? and 3) Will he creep out girls I bring home? If the answers are "yes," "no" and "no" (or "yes, but in a funny way"), you've scored a solid bunkmate.

However, when faced with a potential female roommate, guys will overthink it. Maybe we feel like we're being tricked into a committed relationship, or we're worried she'll be a cock-blocker or that we can't just let loose and "be a dude" in our own home. These are all valid concerns, but the potential benefits of a female roommate outweigh the risks.

1. You'll meet more girls

Unless she's one of those girls who "only hangs with guys" because she "hates other girls," chances are a female roommate will have mostly female friends. This is a way for you to meet women while doing nothing. They'll just show up to your place, and they have to be polite to you since you're the roommate.

This can backfire, though, because if you hit it off with one of her friends, your roommate may cock-block you by saying, "You can't sleep with him. I have to live with him and things will get awkward." Still, the more girls you meet, the better your chances.
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Having More Sex Than Your Friends Is The Key To Happiness

Posted 4/17/13 3:00 pm EST by in Relationships

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Credit: Niko Guido

You might think it's unfair that your teacher grades on the curve--those nerds in class are ruining your GPA--but you're actually grading yourself on the curve in the sack. (At least you've got the nerds beat there...right?)

A new study from the University of Colorado Boulder found that getting laid only makes you so happy; for true satisfaction, you have to get laid more often than your friends.

Even if you're bangin' it out a couple times per month, your chances of depression are 14% higher if your pals are bangin' it out weekly. The problem, says the lead researcher, is that most of us compare ourselves against people we envy instead of people who envy us: "We're usually not looking down and therefore thinking of ourselves as better off, but we're usually looking up and therefore feeling insufficient and inadequate."

MORE: "The Best Amount Of Sex Is 'More Than Your Friends Are Having'"

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What Is Wrong, Mentally, With Guys Who Fake Orgasms?

Posted 4/17/13 1:02 pm EST by in Code Breakers, Relationships

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Credit: Niko Guido

It's a given that dudes are gonna lie to women, whether it's "That dress looks great on you" or "I'll come right home after work" or "I don't think about your friend that way" or "Of course I don't watch porn--where do people even find it?"

While those lies might not be right, in the 10 Commandments sense, at least they're understandable. But why, why, why would any guy fake an orgasm during sex?

Yeah, we'd never heard of it either, but studies have found that 25% to 34% of guys have counterfeited their climaxes. A new book, "Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men And Sex" by Harvard urologist Abraham Morgentaler, takes a deeper look at this baffling phenomenon. He explained to Salon.com that, besides physical reasons (some guys just have trouble ejaculating), there are social/economic ones:
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Today's Dumbass: Guy Strangled For Repeatedly Singing 'Thrift Shop'

Posted 4/11/13 5:00 pm EST by in Music, Relationships, Today's Dumbass

Macklemore And Ryan Lewis, Jennifer Hudson And Magic Johnson With 15,000 Youth At We Day Seattle
Credit: Handout/Getty Images

No matter how great a song is, you can only hear it so many consecutive times before snapping. A single-track playlist on repeat can break prisoners, and can also break relationships.

For example, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis's "Thrift Shop" is a great enough jam to make the 2013 MTV Movie Awards playlist. But when 26-year-old Lars Hansen of Boulder County, Colorado, sang it over and over on his birthday, his girlfriend Samantha Malson (who had asked him to stop "25 times") allegedly choked him to make it cease.

Why didn't Hansen stop singing? According to police, it might've been revenge. The couple had been fighting because "Hansen accused Malson of drinking all the alcohol in the house." In fact, cops say, "his face was flushed and it was difficult to tell if the redness was from alcohol intoxication or from Malson grabbing his neck."

Regardless, she's now facing domestic violence and harassment charges. On the bright side, at least this couple finally has a tune they can consider "their song."

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Neal Stastny (@NealStas) is a comedian and writer in New York.

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How Don Draper Broke The Code On Last Night's 'Mad Men'

Posted 4/8/13 12:00 pm EST by in Code Breakers, Relationships, TV

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Credit: AMC

On the sixth season premiere of "Mad Men," Don Draper didn't commit a mere misdemeanor against Guy Code; he became a first-degree felon. We've always respected Draper--he lives by his own rules, makes a fortune, and knows how to rock a suit and order a manly cocktail--but we just can't condone his actions last night.

Consider this your spoiler alert, and read on for more about this shocking, unforgivable Code Breaker. (Well, maybe not that shocking. This is Don Draper we're talkin' about.)

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Male Bats Perform Oral Sex To Keep Lady Bats Happy

Posted 4/3/13 3:30 pm EST by in News, Relationships

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Credit: Scott Trageser Wildlife Photography

Scientists long believed that humans were the only species to partake in oral sex, but Canadian researchers have discovered that male bats in India routinely go downtown to impress females. And just like human males (we're guessing), they average less than a minute before trying to have actual intercourse.

The really interesting part? Bat sex lasted longer if cunnilingus preceded it. A good lesson for dudes both with and without wings. (Keep a tin of Altoids handy, bat-bros.) Click below for more on doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

MORE: "Aww, They Think They're People: Male Bats Perform Oral Sex On Females"

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Jon Gabrus' Pro Tip: Convincing Her To Try New Stuff In Bed [VIDEO]

Posted 4/2/13 11:25 pm EST by in MTV2, Relationships, The Show, Video

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The upside of monogamy is sex (pretty much) whenever you want it. The downside is that sex can get repetitive after awhile. But if you want to talk your girl into trying something weird, you've gotta get creative in bed...like, while you're still in pajamas, not actually naked, as Jon Gabrus explains in this clip from the season finale of "Guy Code." You'll never look at Wonder Woman the same way again.

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