Would you rather know the harsh truth, or live in ignorant, deluded bliss? Philosophers have debated this question for millennia...and it's the same one you've gotta ask yourself before watching "Girl Code," because there's no watering down this dose of reality.
But the truth will also set you free, especially if your girlfriend has been sneaking around behind your back. Here are the lessons guys can learn from last night's episode.
1. Pinpoint Her Blabbermouth Friend
As Charlamagne Tha God points out, "Girls are the best cheaters...women are just that good." They'll hide the evidence and cover their intricate lies up with even more intricate lies. But like Superman with kryptonite, everybody has a weakness...and in this case, it's gossipy gal pals. Carly Aquilino reveals that all girls have a bigmouth friend who'll blab about anything. Find this friend.
2. Learn Her Definition Of Cheating
Guys don't think of ourselves as cheaters unless what we're doing carries an STD risk...but your girlfriend might feel betrayed if you even look at another girl the wrong way. Jamie Lee says that cheating is "pretty much anything that would hurt the other person if they found out you were doing it."
You and your chick better be on the same page here, or else that lap dance at your friend's bachelor party is gonna earn you a month in the doghouse.
Credit: Spencer Platt/Getty Images
It's often said that guys are visually stimulated while ladies are turned on by emotional connection, but that's not necessarily true...and it doesn't stop us from sending dirty phone messages anyway.
We're hardly experts on this art form like Richard Johnson, Penis Photographer, but we know that most sexts -- like most artistic endeavors -- are terrible and embarrassing. Here are ways you can screw the sext pooch before even pressing "send."
1. Opening With Your Penis
Don't start with the main event -- you have to build up to it with a little flirting, maybe an explicit text message, to make sure the mood is set before bombarding her with a picture of your holiest of holies. If she's not open to this kind of exchange, she'll gasp in a bad way when her phone flashes a glowing picture of your meat and potatoes.
2. Sending It Before Lunchtime
If she just got to the office, then send her roses -- that's spontaneous and romantic. Sending a text about how you wanna get in dem guts before she's had a chance to finish her morning coffee? Not so much. This is a nighttime game.
Guys don't like to drop breakup hints; we just immaturely quit answering a girlfriend's phone calls until she gets the idea. Women, however, telegraph the fact they're going to dump your ass far in advance of the actual D-day. But, if you pay attention to these warning signs, you'll be way ahead of the game...with a new girlfriend in the wings.
1. Lack Of Sex
Does she seem to be repulsed by even your mildest touch? Does she flinch when you try to rub her neck? Turn her cheek when you try to kiss it? Frequently go pearl-diving without you? Yeah, it's probably over.
2. No Reply
A woman in love quickly answers texts, emails and chat messages. So when your girlfriend--who used to respond to all your communications within minutes--starts taking hours, know the end is near.
Photo via Unreality Magazine
Usually when a guy gets married, it won't be long until the Mrs. throws away his comic books...or at least hides them in the basement, so she won't be embarrassed to throw dinner parties. Fortunately, one couple turned their nuptials into a Gotham City affair.
"I grew up obsessed with Batgirl," the bride explained. "Our relationship bonded over our superhero obsessions, so why not have a Batman wedding?"
Our friends at Unreality Magazine have the full gallery, masks and all. On a related note, they're running a contest for the best Batman tattoo design. How about a tattoo of this guy's awesome wife? (We know it's wrong to covet, so we'll just say "congrats!")
MORE: "The Most Elaborate Batgirl/Nightwing Themed Wedding You'll Ever See"
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Credit: Jacquie Boyd
Successful relationships are built on a foundation of trust and honesty...and that foundation is spackled with little white lies. You should never deceive your girlfriend, of course--except when she asks you these questions. Then you should always lie.
1. "How do I look?"
Whether she's concerned about her weight or her outfit, the only acceptable response here is a positive one. Why is she asking you about her outfit anyway? You don't know anything about fashion--you're wearing a dirty t-shirt and sneakers with holes in them.
Even if you think her romper looks ridiculous and she could stand to lose a few pounds, there's no need to test out your Joan Rivers act on her. If you want to keep having sex, simply tell her she looks...sexy.
2. "Were you staring at her?"
There's an old adage in professional sports: "If you ain't cheating, then you ain't trying." Well, in the relationship game, if you're only staring, then you ain't cheating. How is it straying if you don't even touch?
But your girlfriend doesn't understand this. If she finds your eyeballs glued to a strange woman's ample chest, your only option is to admit the truth: "Yes, I was staring at her..." And then lie: "Because I was so disgusted that someone would go out in public like that. Has she no shame?!"
"Guy Code" fans know that Chris Distefano is funny...and his girlfriend, Carly Aquilino from "Girl Code" may be just as good. We already brought you the story of how they met (and Chris's confession that he's the little spoon while cuddling), and now they're laying down the law on "Dating Code." Watch the video below for their takes on how soon each partner should reply to a text, who pays for dinner and acceptable fart volume. Hey, all couples will gross you out, but at least this one will make you laugh too.
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Some men cringe at the word "vegetarian", but there are major rays of sunshine when dating one. Also, major pits of hell. We'd like to be really clear here: We're talking about dating a vegetarian. Not a vegan (we can't trust anyone who willingly turns down ice cream), not a "junk food vegetarian" (someone who substitutes meat for Doritos, Lucky Charms and Snickers) and not a "pescetarian" (someone who eats fish, but doesn't eat other meat or Joe Pesce). Here are the positives and negatives you have to balance...
PRO: Chances are, she's in great shape
Vegetarians are health-conscious gals who might just keep you in better shape, too. We're not doctors over here, but we believe a healthy body means a lot more fun behind closed doors, even if the door is a curtain of hippie beads she bought at Bonnaroo last year.
CON: Her farts stink
The thing about relationships is that it takes waaaaay longer for a girl to be comfortable with her rips than a dude. Doesn't mean she won't do it. Chicks fart. And believe us, after a sizzling broccoli stir-fry with tofu and onions, you don't wanna be within a two-mile radius of that gas.
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So you've decided to make the leap from living in a place that smells like Doritos and sweat to a place with curtains and a working doorbell. No, you're not moving back in with your parents; you and your girlfriend are moving in together! Congratulations!
This can be a lot of fun and a great step in your relationship...but it can also be a nightmare if you don't know what you're getting into. And you need to consider that your life is going to change a little. Here are some tips for successfully adjusting.
1. Be Absolutely Certain
Cohabitation is a big move and there's really no going back. (Just try saying, "I'd like to keep dating you, but I'd rather live with my old roommate again...is that cool?") Make sure you aren't moving in with your girlfriend for the cheaper rent or just because she's pressuring you. Even if you're always at her place or she's always at yours, that doesn't necessarily mean you're emotionally ready to combine sock drawers.
2. Do Your Part With The Chores
Some guys expect their live-in girlfriends to cook, clean and do the grocery shopping while they just kill spiders and maybe take out trash once per week. Sorry, dude, that fantasy only exists on "Mad Men." There are no gender specific chores anymore. Here's your apron...what's for dinner?
3. Keep In Touch With Your Boys
Make sure not to fall into a domestic black hole with your lady and then forget about your friends. Do a night out with the guys--it's a good way for you and her to have some healthy time apart. Just remember that when you come home, you're crawling into bed with a sleeping, sober person who doesn't care for your booze-breath and snoring.
Yes, all girls fart...and no, those emissions don't smell like unicorns and butterflies. That's the kind of harsh truth you'll get from "Girl Code," but--even when the truth is gross--you can use it to your advantage. Here's what guys can learn from last night's episode.
1. Some Girls Fart To Judge Your Reaction
Jessimae Peluso "will fart on first dates" to gauge whether a guy is superficial or a gentleman. Conversely, Esther Ku will "only fart after my toothbrush is in his bathroom." Maybe a girl is testing you, or maybe she's just getting too comfortable, but either way she might be trying to tell you something--if you can hear it through the rippage.
2. They Blame Guys For Their Gas
Guys stereotypically blame the dog for cutting one, but girls blame you. "Girls are more blamers than claimers," Esther says, and she told female viewers to "stand next to the fattest guy in the room" when they fart, so he looks guilty. As if you needed another reason to hit the gym and work off your beer gut...