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Everybody knows that ladies love guys who can play an instrument--especially if it's a guitar--but for every rock star swimming in groupies, there's a bassoon player sitting in the corner, playing "Magic The Gathering." Here are some instruments to avoid, unless you're getting tired of all that sex you've been having.
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Now that the weather is warming up and beach season is approaching, it's time for guys with chest hair to make some decisions. Do they shave completely, do some trimming or keep it natural? Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of making this decision is that there are only three options to choose from. When deciding what to do with facial hair, you can choose from several types of ridiculous mustaches alone. For those of you who with chest hair, we've found some options for designs you may want to use if you're feeling creative, bold and/or stupid.
Photo: The Chive
We're big fans of physical fitness around these parts. It's good for your heart, good for your brain, good for...for...what were we talking about again?
Oh yeah, physical fitness. Go to the gym! Care about your body! At least, care about the other bodies there, curves fully on display thanks to the sports bra...which, for some miraculous reason, girls consider outerwear, not underwear, even though it was modeled after the jockstrap.
Sorry, jockstraps aren't sexy. You want sexy? Check out these 30 photos over at the Chive, and then pump some iron. After you're done pumping, uh, something else.
MORE: "Get Back In The Game With Some Sexy Girls In Sports Bras"
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Last week, 26-year-old Florida teacher Olivia Sprauer, pictured above, got fired from a Boca Raton high school over racy bikini pics that she'd posted online. "I'm too sexy for my job...LOL," she wrote in response. With a body like that, why waste your time handing out As and Bs when you can show off those amazing Ds?
Sprauer is just the most recent casualty of a disturbing trend: Hot teachers getting fired just for being hot. Here are four other educators who showed too much skin for superintendents to handle.
Americans think of football as the toughest sport, but let's reconsider that for a second. When two diesel linemen have beef, don't they just grab at each other's face masks until a puny ref pulls them apart? And isn't a team dentist only there to keep the players' teeth white for the cameras?
We thought so. On the other hand, when hockey players fight, they don't even wear masks, and the refs don't get in the way until they decide that one guy's face is sufficiently pulpy. Oh yeah, a hockey team's dentist is busy enough to put your kids through college, too.
The main reason hockey players aren't selling Gatorade like the rest of the jocks is that these fights leave 'em ugly and toothless. It's not fair, so we gave some of them teeth again. Gold teeth.
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Vice President Joe Biden has never lacked confidence. That's how he was able to get elected to the U.S. Senate at only 30 years old. Dude's got marbles. And not just when it comes to politics. A loyal husband of 35 years, Biden is nevertheless a notorious flirt. He's at his best when he's spitting game to married women right in front of their husbands. And when those husbands are his political rivals, it's even better.
Most recently Biden was caught on camera charming Jessica Biel as Justin Timberlake stood back and watched his wife get hit by the mack truck. If it makes JT feel any better, he's not the first.
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If you think that society is getting more depraved as time goes on, you're probably looking back at the past through rose-colored glasses. As proof, check out these adult pulp novels from a few decades ago. They're just as deviant as anything today...the only difference is guys had to read them instead of going on the internet or watching cable.
Still, since they're books, maybe there's something of value to be learned from them. You can only find used copies on Amazon (gross), so we're not actually going to read them. But we will judge them by their covers to see if we can get any useful information.
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Normally, we wouldn't even expend the energy to make fun of a Michael Bay action movie starring Mark Wahlberg and The Rock. But there's something special about "Pain & Gain," the latest from the explosion-mad director--namely, that it's set in Miami. And as you likely know, that means the bikinis will be as plentiful as the car chases.
In the trailer alone, there are at least nine eye-popping moments that suggest the entire 129 minutes will have viewers popping other things. We've gathered those notable shots below in a compendium of the biggest reasons we're looking forward to this movie. Fair warning: Shirtless Tony Shalhoub is included, but that couldn't be avoided.
Midway through Detroit starting pitcher Max Scherzer's third outing of the season, we noticed that the big hurler looks a bit like one of our favorite '90s cartoon characters: Doug Funnie from "Doug." (It has nothing to do with Scherzer's heterochromia, because Doug's eyes are merely black dots.)
He's not the only MLB pitcher with an animated lookalike. We think it's because MLB pitchers are a very diverse bunch with players of all shapes and sizes. There's fat guys, skinny guys, ugly guys and dorky guys. Check out the roster.
Joba Chamberlain -- P.J. Pete of "Goof Troop"
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Hollywood is like high school: Everyone is competing to get voted Most Attractive. We decided to break that down to one--well, two--particular assets of the female form. To honor tonight's premiere of "Girl Code," where boobs will be a hot topic, we've made our own 2013 yearbook of celebs who have superlative endowments. Congrats, grads!
Biggest Partier: Rihanna
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