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Today's Dumbass: Man Shoots Himself In The Penis

Posted 8/9/11 11:00 am EST by in News

An Arizona man went grocery shopping the other day and accidentally shot himself in the johnson. (Obviously it was an accident, but nutjobs have mutilated themselves before.) The shot wasn't a graze or just the tip, either: "The round went through his penis, into his left leg and exited his left leg," a police officer said. Have you reached for your own wiener yet?

Adding insult to injury, the gun was his girlfriend's pink pistol that he had tucked into his pants. Kind of like getting your testicles trapped inside a Hello Kitty lunch box. Adding insult to insult, the man may face weapons charges for the shooting. The only way it could get any worse is if the surgery fails to repair his damaged organ, then his girlfriend dumps him and his production falls off at work causing him to get fired, which sends him into a downward, drug-addicted spiral.

Other men interviewed in the parking lot where it happened, like the fella above, as well as guys everywhere, agree that the man is a total dumbass. Let's tie this together with a lesson: Don't shove pink pistols into your pants because you just might shoot off your penis and/or die.

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Rihanna Gives Lap Dance To Old Dude At Her Concert

Posted 8/8/11 11:30 am EST by in Ladies, Music, News

It's a good time to be an AARP-eligible man with tickets to one of Rihanna's shows. During a concert this past weekend in her native Barbados, Rihanna reportedly (and photographed-ly) pulled a 60-year-old-ish man onstage and rode him like a horse. In most half-decent strip clubs, a lap dance like that costs about $60; factor in the premium for having a woman as hot as Rihanna do the deed, and this dude probably got a $500 lap dance simply for the cost of admission.

In addition to the thrill itself, the senior fella got an A+ story to tell his grandkids (who may already exist), as well as an incredible memory for his spank bank.

There's another hysterical photo from MediaTakeOut after the jump where--let's call him John because he deserves a name at this point--John has his arms flat against the ground on his sides, a pretty solid indicator that he was paralyzed by the holy s***"-ness of the encounter. Meanwhile, there's a shirtless dude in the background with a choker who may or may not be a gimp in the offstage version of this performance. Click on and see what we mean. Read More...

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Here's Our Val Kilmer Tumblr Wish List

Posted 8/4/11 2:30 pm EST by in Celebs, News

It's time to celebrate, Tumblr fans! Mr. Val Kilmer, aka Iceman, aka Voice of KITT, aka Fat Jim Morrison, has joined the popular social networking blog and he's letting his hair down. So far he's posted his "bio" written in the third person. Did you know that Kilmer is not only an actor, but also a poet, artist, singer, community activist, father? You would if you followed him. He's also put up some links, a few posts about what he's up to and a TuneWidget of his tunes, including "All Children Are Beautiful" and "Hold On To Daddy" (he sounds drunk on that one). Currently, Kilmer is filming an experimental film with "Kids" writer/"Gummo" director Harmony Korine, in which he plays a motivational speaker. They must be out of ideas already because Kilmer's asking his followers to suggest topics for his character to speak about. Heck, here are six that immediately spring to mind. If they don't go in the movie, they better get answered on Tumblr. Read More...

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Tupac Covers XXL Magazine On 15th Anniversary Of His Death

Posted 8/3/11 12:00 pm EST by in Celebs, Music, News

Tupac Shakur's influence on rap, race, music at large and beyond has and will continue to last well beyond his living years. To honor his life and celebrate all things 'Pac, XXL Mag has dubbed its September edition a special tribute issue that focuses mainly on Shakur. The 15th anniversary of Tupac's death is Sept. 13, 2011.

Among the people close to Tupac that XXL interviewed for the mag was 'Pac's biological father, Bill Garland, who discussed his son's giving nature.

[Tupac] cared for people. That was his main thing. He really cared for people. I think that's why he would get so upset when people tried to question his commitment, his love for Black women or Black men. The East Coast/West Coast, you know, that's a fabrication. I don't have to begin to tell you that. So when that was questioned, it bothered him. Because he would give his heart or soul. He was a giving person. He would give anything to people.

XXL also spoke with Tupac's ex-wife, Keisha Morris, his first manager, Leila Steinberg, as well as his group, The Outlawz. It's hard to believe it will be 15 years in September.

Photo: XXL Mag

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Waka Flocka Flame Interviews Tyler, The Creator, And It's Both Awkward And Hysterical

Posted 8/2/11 11:06 am EST by in Celebs, Music, News

If you've ever wondered what would happen if Waka Flocka Flame interviewed Tyler, the Creator over the phone as Tyler sits with his mother in the car, joined by a writer and an editorial assistant and Tyler's manager on the line, well Interview Magazine just found out. And the result is both hysterical, and "awkward as f***" in Tyler's words.

Overall it's a solid read and a glimpse into the fiery mind of the face of one of hip-hop's hottest group's right now, Odd Future. It isn't clear why Interview decided to hand the reins over to Waka to conduct the question-and-answer--maybe it thought Tyler would open up more to Waka, someone Tyler is fond of--but it seems to have worked as Tyler revealed the sources of anger in his music. Turns out, Tyler just gets "pissed at little s***". For example, he said, "Facebook deleted my profile the other day without telling me, and I was f***ing angry." You didn't think the friendly, blue, photo and information sharing website would spur Tyler into a creative rage, did you?

For entertainment value alone we implore you to read the piece and leave you with this exchange from the top of the interview if you're still not convinced:

FLAME: All right. So firstly, what do y’all think is so odd about the future?

TYLER: What’s odd about the future? I think we’re all gonna die pretty soon, and the animals are gonna take over--like ostriches and s***. I think they’re gonna take over the world and we’re gonna be their slaves.

Photos: Getty Images

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Beef Alert: Bon Iver's Justin Vernon Hates MTV

Posted 8/1/11 3:30 pm EST by in News

As you may have heard, we're in a bit of a celebratory mood over here today. It's MTV's 30th birthday, which is both exciting (birthdays, woooo!) and depressing (30 is basically old enough to move into a retirement home). So imagine how much of a buzzkill it was to venture on over to the website for Bon Iver, one of the coolest musicians doing cool stuff right now, and read this:

"MTV turns 30 today. Here's what I think: I could easily just say 'f*** mtv' and give sound reasoning... But f*** it, what Ani Difranco sang is what I think: open fire on hollywood open fire on MTV open fire on NBC and CBS and ABC open fire on the NRA and all the lies they told us along the way open fire on each weapons manufacturer while he's giving head to some republician senator"

It is with a furrowed brow and pursed lips (see image above) that we ask Justin, "Dude, what gives?" This is a day of celebration, not a day to slag on us without even saying why. That's it man, no cupcake for you.

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Today's Badass: Alex Trebek Chases Down Burglar

Posted 7/28/11 1:10 pm EST by in News, Today's Badass

Alex Trebek just took "Badass" for $1,000 and nailed it. Sort of.

Yesterday, the immortal "Jeopardy" host decided to take matters into his own hands when the San Francisco hotel room he and his wife were staying in was robbed by a 56-year-old woman with a long rap sheet. After the suspect, identified as Lucinda Moyers, broke into Trebek's room at 2:30 in the morning, the 72-year-old master of trivia began chasing Moyers down the hotel hallway until his heel gave out and his Achilles tendon tore.

"The snap and the sound," Trebek said, describing the injury. "I played sports all my life."

We'll give him a pass for failing to nab the perp himself. Police eventually found and arrested her and, of course, she's denying that she jacked Trebek's cash and a bracelet he wore that his mother gave him. It would have been a better story if Trebek got her in a headlock and gave her the People's Elbow, but at least Moyers will have to answer to formal charges. And, after all, the PEN is mightier.

Photo: Getty Images

Via Vulture

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How I Was Almost In The Wu-Tang Clan

Posted 7/28/11 12:00 pm EST by in Celebs, Music, News

Every sports fan had this fantasy as a kid: You're sitting in the stands at a football (or baseball or basketball or, God forbid, soccer) game and the star player gets injured. Desperate for a replacement, the coach looks into the crowd and spots you, the kid in whose brain this fantasy is taking place, and tells you to get your ass on the field. You jump over thousands of people, lace up your cleats and sack Steve Young on the first play.

That's all I could think about yesterday when an ad to intern for Wu-Tang Clan productions popped up on Craigslist. Read More...

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Ron Artest Just Wants To Dance With The 'Stars'

Posted 7/28/11 11:00 am EST by in Celebs, News, Sports

Ron Artest, aka Metta World Peace, may take his next steps dancing on hardwood rather than on the basketball court. With the NBA mired in a lockout, the Lakers forward, and mental health and world peace ambassador, is in discussions with "Dancing With the Stars" producers to compete on the show. Maybe Artest's application to work as a Lockout Professional got denied. Ron wouldn't be the first big-time athlete to bust a move on "DWTS," but he'd certainly be the most...peaceful, and volatile.

NFL wide receivers have actually done very well on the show, which makes sense because they have excellent footwork; Steelers wideout Hines Ward won the most recent season this spring; Bengals receiver (not for long) and amateur bull rider Chad Ochocinco finished in the Top 4 last year; and the greatest receiver in NFL history, Jerry Rice, was the runner-up in Season 2. Ron-Ron uses solid footwork in his craft, too, but there's no points on the show for dunking.

Of course, Artest's possible dancing gig could blow up if he makes it deep into the contest and the lockout gets resolved before the show wraps in November. But if there's one man with the mettle to handle both jobs, it's...you guessed it...Metta World Peace!

Photo: Getty Images

Complex via TMZ

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MLB Umpire Jerry Meals Is Exactly Why Baseball Needs To Start Using Instant Replay...Yesterday

Posted 7/27/11 4:52 pm EST by in News, Sports

If football, tennis, cricket, field hockey, real hockey, rodeo and NASCAR aren't enough, maybe it's time for life to just imitate "Madden."

We've all got the friend who watches the instant replay of every down. And yes, we all hate him. But after the way the Pirates-Braves game ended on Tuesday night--in the 19th inning, with umpire Jerry Meals making the worst call in the history of eyes, or at least baseball--maybe he's on to something.

In the call, Meals claimed that he thought Pirates catcher Michael McKenry "oléd" Julio Lugo, sweeping him with the glove but missing his leg. This isn't an unprecedented stand to take in baseball. Every year, there are a couple times when a guy picked off at first pulls his hands back, eluding the first baseman's sweep-tag. But it would have been more understandable had the play not occurred outside the batter's box...and had Lugo not given himself up, then looked like his name got called on the "Price is Right" after he got called safe. Read More...

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