Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
We're officially knee deep in the holiday season. Decorations are going up. Presents are being purchased. And whenever you're in a department store, restaurant or train station, you're likely to hear classic Christmas carols. Some of them are pleasant holiday standards. But others, when you really listen to them, are just straight-up creepy. Like, there are Marilyn Manson songs less disturbing. For example...
"Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
Oh, does he? This anthem is used year in, year out, as a way to introduce young children to the legend of Santa Claus. However, the notion behind this festive little jingle is a little too...hmm...what's the word I'm looking for? "Molesty"? Yep. Molesty.
The lyrics to this song conjure up images of an old bearded creep watching multiple young children sleep. He's making a list and checking it twice? Guess what, fat man? You watch my kids sleep and you'll wind up on a list yourself. My sh*t list.
The real-world legal system might give celebrities more leeway than the rest of us, but the scales of manly justice are even on "Guy Court." When you stand before Judge Donnell, all that matters is whether or not you've broken Guy Code. And in the next episode, Machine Gun Kelly is on trial for screening homemade sex tapes for his friends.
MGK is adamant: "I am not guilty of breaking Guy Code," because "I am the man in bed." He's trying to teach others how to bone by example -- it's charity, really. Then again, shouldn't a guy keep some stuff private? Check out the opening arguments below and watch the full episode Wednesday at 11p/10c on MTV2:
Once upon a time, a rap video was judged not only by its artistic merit but by its use of honeys shaking their rumps to the beat. However, hip-hop has progressed and these days you can watch a rap video without seeing a single booty (Wreckx-N-Effect must be so disappointed). In "Last One Standing," the latest video by ¡Mayday!, you don't even see a woman walk by in the background.
It's cool though because we get to see legendary backyard brawler Kimbo Slice (he probably scared the girls away) look scary as hell and Tech N9ne spits some verse that'll amp you up. This is not a video that will get your hormones racing, but it will get your adrenaline going. Watch it and then go run up a mountain or leave some nasty comments on your childhood bully's Facebook wall.
Rappers are awesome. We know this. But whom you dub as your favorite says a lot about your personality. Using some of the most notable rappers in the game, we've broken down what each says about you, complete with our own ratings scale. This sh*t is scientific.
Warning: You may want to show these results to your therapist before sharing with your boys and/or girlfriend.
Credit: Getty Images/David Becker
Emo Level: 10 Anger Level: 3 Player Level: 9
So your favorite rapper is Drake. That means you're the most likely person in your crew to break into song and you probably tear-up at emotional commercials. While emotional, you also have commitment issues and probably choose strippers over your high school sweetheart.
You must smoke a lot and have a lot of nicknames, right? That's OK, because so does your favorite rapper Snoop. From being called Snoop Doggy Dogg to Snoop Dogg to Snoop Lion and now Snoopzilla, Snoop's personality changes ever so slightly with his name. If Snoop is your fave, you have identity issues but you also get a lot of chicks. Read More...
You've found a girl who likes all of the same music that you do. So, you should buy her concert tickets, right? Not quite. That favorite rapper of yours might be more than a voice on the radio for her. Here are some clues to tell if your squeeze is looking to get smushed by her favorite artist.
1. You're Not Invited To The Show
What do you mean she'd prefer it if you didn't join her at the A$AP Rocky show? It's not like he's Lorde and better celebrated in the presence of her female friends. No, you're uninvited so she can wait by the stage door to earn a dollar sign in her name.
2. Her Halloween Costume Is Kat Stacks
You dress up like Spider-Man or Batman on Halloween because they're your heroes. If your girlfriend dresses up like the most infamous hip-hop groupie, you know who's her hero. No way.
3. She Has A Tramp Stamp Of The Artist's Name
Yeah, that tattoo is not on the small of her back merely in Kendrick Lamar's honor. It's strategically placed there so that he'll one day see it.
You love hip-hop, so you want to dress as one of your favorite artists for Halloween. But there is no way to show up to a Halloween party as 2Pac without looking 2White. At best, you'll look ridiculous, and at worst, you'll look racist. Don't worry, there are some alternative costumes that will let you keep it real while maintaining the spirit of Halloween...
1. Rick Rubin
Credit: Getty Images
Throw on your mom's yoga clothes, some sunglasses and a big fake beard, and you're Rick Rubin. Don't take it too personally if everyone thinks you're just a homeless guy.
Drake already gave "YOLO" to the world, and now he's back with "Nothing Was The Same," which delivers more wisdom and further breaks down the masculine mystique. Here are some of the new album's inspirational lines to use in your everyday existence.
1. "Wanted to tell you, 'Accept yourself' / You don't have to prove s**t to no one except yourself" ("Tuscan Leather")
The standards you set for yourself are the only ones that matter. Self-love is very important. No, not the self-love you're thinking about. That will make you go blind.
2. "F**k a fake friend / where your real friends at?" ("Started From The Bottom")
Take a good, long look at your Facebook friends list. How many of them really matter to you? We're talking about the ones who send you event invitations and you don't reply with "Maybe." Keep them close to you. Those are your real friends.
3. "When's the last time you did something for the first time?" ("Own It")
You have to keep seeking out new experiences or else you're not really alive. That said, "When's the last time you did something for the first time?" is an awkward question to ask on a first date -- it'll make you sound way too kinky.
What's that sound? Oh that's the beat dropping on Nick Cannon's "Wild 'N Out." This season the show has hosted some of the hottest names in the rap game from Mac Miller to 2Chainz, not to mention a drop in from Mrs. Nick Cannon, Mariah Carey. But the comedians on the show are trying to get their hustle on too.
In this clip, cast members are thrown in the ring to fight it out with improv comedy chops and rap skills as their only weapons. In the game, "Flow Job," Lauren Flans and Timothy DeLaGhetto have to rap about a profession and get their teammate to guess it. As Lauren spits a rhyme to describe a gynecologist, she introduces us to our new favorite nickname for the female anatomy: the downstairs throat.
Look at poor Miley Cyrus. She so badly wants to take that nearly-transparent white tank-top off, but she just can't seem to do it. So frustrating. However, so fascinating to watch over-and-over again in animated GIF form.
We're not going to delve into the theories on what is going on with Miley. All we know is that she's interesting as hell right now and watching her new "Wrecking Ball" video makes us feel things. Things that shouldn't be uttered out loud or in print. So, we're just going to let these GIFs of Miley do the talking for us. Read More...
Ladies love to dance and we love to watch them, especially when they embrace their inner bad girls. Inspiring them to dance like freaks is as simple as playing the songs they wanna get down to, so put these jams on the playlist at your next party and let the booty-shaking begin.
1. Rihanna, "S&M"
Even the most reserved girls have a part of them that wants to sing along to "Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it." This song's catchy beat will get almost any lady in touch with her nasty self.