Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Credit: The New Zealand Film Commission/Icon Productions
Every guy has some embarrassing fear, whether it's heights or public speaking or a mysterious red bump. For some dudes, the phobia is animals. If you're a scaredy-cat (who's scared of cats?), you probably shouldn't watch these obscure films about beasts on the attack, brought to you from Unreality Magazine:
1. "Black Sheep"
Some genetic experiments on sheep go terribly wrong, and turn the sheep into bloodthirsty monsters. ... The movie gets REAL points for using all practical effects and no CG, yet never skimping over the gore. Think "Day of the Dead" with sheep and you have a pretty good idea.
2. "The Ghost and the Darkness"
There is something unnerving about the idea of lions hunting humans, and for a small chunk of time in a Kenyan village, that is just what happened. ... It was well-acted and well-executed, and anyone who says lions are not stunning yet terrifying creatures has never seen Lion-O angry.
While this movie may not be as epic as "The Grey," it deserves some REAL props for setting the tone first. ... Did lose MAJOR points for the snowboarding scene, though. Everyone knows wolves would just strap on snowboards and chase after you, grinding WAY more powder than you. Duh.
The nominees are out for this year's MTV Movie Awards, and man are we pumped about the picks. We love the Awards every year, but after a few years dominated by boy magicians and sparkling vampires, the contenders for Movie Of The Year in 2013 are all movies for dudes. We had two badass comic book movies: "The Avengers" and "Dark Knight Rises." Tarantino made one his best, "Django Unchained," Seth McFarlane left the filthy cartoon world halfway with "Ted" and even "Silver Linings Playbook" was the best rom-com for guys in years. It also doesn't hurt that Jennifer Lawrence looks damn hot in that movie, which is also relieving 'cause we weren't sure if it was just the bow and arrow she used in "Hunger Games" that was doing it for us.
Taking a burglary suspect to a local police station would've been enough to warrant "Today's Badass" status. But doing it dressed as Batman goes above and beyond.
Yes, the Caped Crusader is real. He might be fat and British, but he's real. According to a spokesperson for the West Yorkshire Police, "The person who brought the wanted man into the station was dressed in a full Batman outfit. His identity, however, remains unknown."
It's also a mystery how the portly vigilante managed to capture the 27-year-old alleged miscreant. Probably with the help of a kindly old butler full of inspirational speeches?
Clearly a fan of the oldies, the real-life superhero wore Adam West's 1960s version of the costume. We're hoping it's not the last we see of this wannabe Dark Knight. And if he keeps fighting crime, maybe he'll even lose a few pounds in the process.
Most guys watch online porn, but few of us actually study it. That can't be said of British psychological researcher Jon Millward, who just published a study on 10,000 adult film stars. He collected data from the Adult Film Database--basically IMDB for XXX--and found some pretty crazy statistics. Take a look at these factoids and compare them to what you might've observed from your own "research."
1. Average Age Of MILFs: 33
Only 7% were over 40, so don't feel like a freak unless your favorite mature actress has hit the big four-oh.
2. Most Common Names: Nikki, David
"Lee" is the most common last name for both genders. It's the third most common for non-porn stars.
3. Incest Is Disturbingly Popular
The sixth most common role for actresses (as determined by titles) is "daughter." The tenth is "sister." Gross!
There will be plenty of reasons to watch the 2013 MTV Movie Awards on Sunday, April 14, but here's a big one: Will Ferrell is gonna receive the first-ever Comedic Genius Award. From "Saturday Night Live" to "Anchorman," the dude's been entertaining us for years, so he richly deserves the honor. His comedic chops are nothing short of genius.
For the full list of this year's nominations, check out the "2013 MTV Movie Awards Nominations Spectacular" on Tuesday, March 5. Host Rebel Wilson will announce the Movie of the Year nominees on MTV at 7:58 p.m. EST, and then will head online to MTV.com for the "Best Kiss," "Best Fight" and "Best Shirtless Performance" candidates. You'll be able to cast your votes at MovieAwards.MTV.com.
(If write-in ballots were possible, we'd just pick Will Ferrell for everything... especially "Best Shirtless Performance." He has dozens of them.)
Your girlfriend loves watching the Academy Awards...your gay friends love watching the Academy Awards...but you'd rather watch the action movies that hardly ever get nominated, right?
Actually, dude, the Oscars can be pretty fun. Ignore the inane red carpet interviews and tedious fawning over designer dresses. Here are some legit reasons for tuning in to this year's ceremony.
1. It'll Make Your Girlfriend Happy
Over the last few months, she's had to watch the NFL playoffs, the NBA All-Star Game and a bunch of "Pawn Stars" episodes. Turnabout is surely fair play. Open some wine and tell her she's prettier than any of the nominated actresses. You'll soon be making your own acceptance speech in the bedroom.
2. Seth MacFarlane Is Hosting
His comedic stylings haven't changed one bit over the years, and neither has your childish sense of humor.
Whether as The Man with No Name or Harry Callahan, Clint Eastwood has exemplified a version of Guy Code that would be hard for most guys to live by today. Doling out vigilante justice without getting killed or thrown in jail isn't easy to do in real life. Still, there are lessons to be learned from watching Eastwood's movies. The characters he portrays are no strangers to saloons or dive bars. They exhibit barroom etiquette that can still be applied today, minus the pistols and murder.
Offer Your Bar-fight Opponent A Free Pass
"Outlaw Josey Wales"
Even if you're not sure you can take the guy in a fight, offer to let him walk first. It makes you look really confident and may just scare him away. If he stays, anything you do to him is perfectly fair game. Even the ladies will say, "He tried to warm him." And if you lose the fight, well, then it doesn't matter anyway.
For more on 'Bar Etiquette,' watch the new "Guy Code" on Tuesday at 11p/1oc on MTV2 Read More...
Back in the day, if stoners wanted to watch a movie, they had to drive to Blockbuster at 10 miles per hour. Now, they can just boot up Netflix. It's easier for them and safer for everybody else.
But with so many films and TV series to choose from, it can be overwhelming. Good thing there's the "Suggestions For You" tab, which identifies stoner cinema buffs by certain archetypes...
1. The Philosopher
Typical Customer Review: "Dude, You Ever Just Think About The Universe?"
This stoner's vocabulary is limited to three words: Space. Animals. Awesome. His mind gets blown contemplating his insignificance in the universe and... like... animals, man. Netflix just added "Shark Week," so it's Christmas in February. (Of course, as the "Guy Code" cast explained, pot doesn't actually make you a philosopher.)
2. The Conspiracy Theorist
Typical Customer Review: "That's Just What They Want You To Believe!"
From 9/11 to JFK, this stoner annoys his friends with dubious factoids he discovered from some documentary. Warning: Might cause paranoia.
In case you've been living under a rock (or under Jabba the Hutt), Disney bought the rights to "Star Wars," and J.J. Abrams will helm a seventh film in the franchise. It's awesome news, because George Lucas wasn't exactly the best caretaker of his own work. But let's remember Lucas for the good times--long before Jar-Jar Binks--back when he taught us all we know about being dudes...
In the real world, you don't think of pastors and rabbis as violent foulmouthed antiheroes. Clergymen are supposed to be kindhearted, humble souls who preach love, charity and forgiveness. In Hollywood, however, some of 'em take no prisoners, in their own special, pious ways.
1. Jacob Fuller ("From Dusk Till Dawn")
This former preacher sent half an army of vampires to hell before sacrificing himself in the process. He steps up and does the right thing in a time of extreme crisis, even if that means breaking one of the Ten Commandments.
For more on religion, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2