Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Times are tough, and that $200,000 college degree you just earned might be worthless. Even if it gets you recruited at a major company, you'll probably be working for free. But an internship is a necessary evil, 'cause it could (theoretically, eventually) lead to a real job that allows you to move out of your parents' house.
To help you climb to the bottom of the corporate ladder, we sat down with Josh Brener, a very funny guy who plays Vince Vaughn's and Owen Wilson's manager in "The Internship," for tips on getting your foot in the door. (He knows what he's talking about: His theater internship consisted of "picking up cigarette butts... Also, I had to wheel this giant bed on-stage and then hide under it while two people simulated intercourse.")
1. The Cover Letter
"I used to help kids write their college admissions essays -- grammar, content and stuff. Sometimes kids would come off like robots: There wouldn't be any personality. It's the same thing in a cover letter -- you have to be professional, you have to be proper, but you also have to show them who you are. Let some of yourself shine through.
"Obviously, send a picture [of your dick]. You're gonna want a scale factor, though -- a ruler, some spare change, a roll of quarters...something standardized."
2. The Résumé
"I can tell you how acting resumes work: What's important is that you lie on them and just make up a bunch of s***, so that it seems like you have some credentials, when in reality you've done one play in the '90s."
"Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
-- H. Jackson Brown
Ever since I was old enough to be gainfully employed, my goal has been to somehow find a way to be gainfully self-employed. Now, that's not to say I'm lazy. I'd argue that I'm quite the opposite. But at the same time, I've never, not once in the 31 years I've been alive, wanted to go to work. And I've held countless jobs.
I sold bicycles.
I served frozen yogurt.
I sold tacos and chimichangas.
I helped people find their seats at Long Island's Rainforest Café.
I've worked for major media conglomerates.
And I'm fully aware that not everyone actively loves what they do. But some people possess a certain quality -- one which makes them a good employee, one that makes them truly care. I came close while bartending, but that's only because I was drunk and trying to make out with girls most of the time, which in itself means I was an awful bartender. Read More...
As I write this, I just signed a contract to executive produce a pilot for Comedy Central. The ink is still drying. And a mere hours earlier, I emailed a bona fide celebrity the latest draft of a screenplay we're developing together, which he's attached to star in.
I didn't write that paragraph to brag. I wrote it to set up the story of how I got here, and how you can get here too.
In November of 2007, nearly six years ago, somewhere between 7 and 8 pm, I sat in my car in the parking lot of a Chili's in East Northport, New York. There I sat, listening to the radio while shoveling an appetizer sampler that I had just ordered from the Chili's to-go window into my stupid mouth. Now, you may ask, why did I order an entire appetizer sampler for myself when it's clearly meant for a group? Also, why couldn't I have had at least a shred of dignity and waited until I got home to eat it? The answers to those questions are not significant. But what happened next is. Read More...
Civilization is pretty great, and we hope it sticks around. But for some reason, we're super-entertained by apocalyptic movies, whether zombies or environmental catastrophe bring about society's destruction. And it always gets us thinking: How would we do in the characters' shoes?
The holiday weekend is here, but before you throw those burgers on the grill (and a few veggies at your girlfriend's request), Andrew Schulz is gonna give you some BBQ conversation-starters. From Drake's "Anchorman 2" cameo to Kobe Bryant's new 8s, from Bonnaroo to Lollapalooza, here's "What's Good" in pop culture this week.
As the next step in J.J. Abram's plan to become lord of the geeks, "Star Trek Into Darkness" is due to release this Friday. So before you go out to see the crew of the Starship Enterprise kick ass all over the galaxy and battle a villain played by the man with the world's most British name, Benedict Cumberbatch (really?), here are some lessons Star Trek can teach you about Guy Code.
Never Fight Your Best Friend
This one should be pretty obvious. The fight is almost always over something that pales in comparison to your friendship. Remember what happened that time Spock needed to get laid? Of course you do, no one could forget that cringe worthy fight music. Read More...
As we learned last week, many of our favorite boyhood flicks are better left in the past. Fortunately, there are plenty of films from our youth that, aside from standing the test of time, were integral to our development into the strong, successful, unflappable supermen we are today. As we enjoy the gift of manhood, we should look back and give a nod to those special movies that laid down the law and taught us Guy Code.
This always happens in movies. Someone decides it's a good idea to split up, and then everyone gets systematically murdered. Don't do it. That's how Ricky died, and all he was doing was walking to the store for some milk and scratch tickets. Also, with all due respect to Ricky and his family, he was a fool for stopping to pee on that wall. (Mini-lesson: No public urination in the midst of a potential drive-by.) Read More...
With today's release of the latest movie adaptation of "The Great Gatsby," young guys might finally pick up this 1925 literary classic, along with F. Scott Fitzgerald's other novels. No, of course they won't--that would involve actually reading something longer than a tweet--but plenty of guys will see the movie with their girlfriends. And they'll discover that Gatsby is one of the biggest breakers of Guy Code in fictional character history.
Spoilers coming, though if you didn't sleep through high school English, you would already know this stuff...
1. No pride in his roots
The larger-than-life Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie) isn't even Gatsby! He was once a penniless North Dakota boy named James Gatz. Ashamed of his humble beginnings as he tries to make a splash in New York high society, Gatz ditches his name, ignores his elderly father back home and invents a phony persona for himself.
There's nothing sadder than a guy ashamed of his roots and embarrassed by his family (unless he's a Kardashian). Though, admittedly, Gatsby is a pretty cool fake name to pick for yourself.
"Dude, I love that movie!" Ehh, are you sure about that? Because the last time you saw it, you were 11 years old. You might want to give it a good re-watch and see how your grown-up brain feels. It's a sad phenomenon, but sometimes our favorite childhood movies turn out to be way worse than we remember. Below are just a few examples of movies we grew up with that turned out to be tragically unwatchable in our bearded years.
Remember this one? "Johnny Five, is ALIVE!" Well, he'll be dead to you after watching it again. When you're a kid, this robot seems so cool and hilarious, because he says awesome stuff like, "We be jammin'!" But, in reality, Johnny Five is an unfunny, gear-grinding lemon that is undeserving of Steve Guttenberg's companionship.
Even worse, the wacky, stereotypical Indian scientist from the movie, Ben Jabituya, was actually played by Fisher Stevens--a white guy--making "Short Circuit" almost as racist as "Soul Man."
Normally, we wouldn't even expend the energy to make fun of a Michael Bay action movie starring Mark Wahlberg and The Rock. But there's something special about "Pain & Gain," the latest from the explosion-mad director--namely, that it's set in Miami. And as you likely know, that means the bikinis will be as plentiful as the car chases.
In the trailer alone, there are at least nine eye-popping moments that suggest the entire 129 minutes will have viewers popping other things. We've gathered those notable shots below in a compendium of the biggest reasons we're looking forward to this movie. Fair warning: Shirtless Tony Shalhoub is included, but that couldn't be avoided.