Credit: The Weinstein Company
One of the most important life lessons we've ever learned came from "Caddyshack": If you ever see a brown log floating in a swimming pool, eat it, because it might be a candy bar.
That's just one example of how movies are more than entertainment. They're also repositories of great wisdom. And last year's best films didn't disappoint on that front. Here's sage advice from the 2013 MTV Movie Award nominees, helpfully illustrated below in GIF form. Write them down and keep 'em in your wallet.
1. No stuffed animals in the bed when lady friends are over
A lot has changed since the very first MTV Movie Awards all the way back in 1992. For starters, viewers were unable to vote for the winners via the Internet. We don't wanna lecture you on how life was back in the days of Heather B. and "Liquid Television," though. What we'd like to do is celebrate the 22nd Movie Awards with a trip down memory lane. Turn off the Super Nintendo, put aside your Jordan Dream Team jersey, and catch up on the winners/nominees/performers from the '92 Movie Awards.
You know how basically every standup comedian does an "AH-NOLD" impression? That's because this guy was bigger than big in action movies. Schwarzenegger set the standard and was awarded the Best Male Performance in "Terminator 2: Judgment Day." He continued to kick ass onscreen in "Last Action Hero," "True Lies" and "Eraser."
When he decided to hang up his action-flick boots, he was elected governor of California. Among many other bills passed, his most popular one was the legalization of (cough, cough) medical marijuana. Nowadays, Schwarzenegger is returning to films, but not without a little scandal in the form of knocking up his maid. That's a judgment day we'd want no part of.
Credit: DreamWorks Pictures
The great Will Ferrell has been doing funny things in movies ever since Mike Myers dropped him into a pit of fire in the first "Austin Powers." Every subsequent role has led to this Sunday, when Ferrell will receive the first-ever Comedic Genius Award at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards. Well-deserved!
Before we celebrate the hilarity of John William Ferrell (born 1967 in Irvine, California), however, we'd like to spend some time on a less appreciated character trait--his manliness. We'd argue that Ferrell is Hollywood's biggest brute, more masculine than any musclebound meathead. And here are the GIFs to prove it.
Will Ferrell beating a dude with a bat
We've all found ourselves making the Friend Zone Face when a girl shoots us down with some variation of "I love you...but not like that." For most of us, it's a bump in an otherwise smooth road--but what if your entire life was being trapped the Friend Zone?
That's the hellish question raised by "Ladies Man: A MADE Movie" (based on the MTV series "MADE"). It's the story of Toby, a guy whose shoulder girls cry on...to complain about guys whom they actually have sex with. We brought you the trailer yesterday, and here's another taste of what to expect when the movie airs tonight at 9/8c on MTV.
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Credit: George Pimentel//Getty Images
Quentin Tarantino's movies are pretty much for guys. Sure, "Kill Bill" and "Jackie Brown" feature badass women, but Tarantino understands the male psyche like few other filmmakers. Such is the case with MTV Movie Awards nominee "Django Unchained." But even though it's geared toward guys, not all the characters follow Guy Code. Here's an inventory of who upholds it...and who completely breaks it.
1. Django (Jamie Foxx)
The titular slave is a fiercely courageous man able to overcome his brutal past while keeping a cool head and still seeing the good in (certain) white people. Sold away from his beloved wife Broomhilda, Django's one goal is to make it back to her…though if he rights a few wrongs along the way, all the better.
2. Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz)
This German dentist and bounty hunter is a deeply moral follower of Guy Code who earns his living from rescuing slaves and killing wrongdoers. (Yeah, he hasn't exactly made a buck from dentistry in awhile.) When the good doctor hears Django's sad tale of Broomhilda, he becomes determined to mentor the man and help reunite the lost lovers. What a guy!
The MTV series "MADE" is all about people transforming their lives. Nothing can transform your life more than learning Guy Code, of course, which is what makes us excited to watch "Ladies Man: A MADE Movie."
It's the story of a loser trapped in the Friend Zone, who becomes determined--upon arriving at college--to win the Mr. Olympus Pageant, his golden ticket to convincing ladies that he's a stud. The competition is fierce (specifically, the dick frat boy wearing a necklace above), and our hero doesn't have much time to amp up his physical fitness, knowledge of women, social skills and every other quality a guy needs to get laid.
Check out the trailer, and then watch the movie Tuesday at 9/8c on MTV.
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Credit: Jason Merritt/Getty Images
There's a good chance you've so far avoided the 2013 MTV Movie Awards nominee "Magic Mike." Buff, scantily-clad male strippers prancing around to "It's Raining Men" probably just isn't your thing. (Well, not much, anyway.) And, that's fine, but you're actually depriving yourself of a great movie with at least five good reasons to watch it.
1. Steven Soderbergh
You've surely enjoyed his past work. From "Out of Sight" to "Traffic" and the "Ocean's Eleven" series, his movies always feature top-notch directing and cinematography; the dark and moody "Magic Mike" is no different.
2. Guy Code Values
"Magic Mike" also features a story that honors loyalty and friendship above all...even if Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer are frequently exhibiting these values while oiled up in bikini briefs. Hey, at least it'll get your girlfriend in the mood.
It's a classic move for guys: You take an object, any object--a cucumber, a two-liter soda bottle, a misshapen gourd--and hold it to your crotch, as if to say, "Check it out, it's my dick," and your friends laugh, even though it's been done hundreds of times before.
It never gets old. Want proof? At last year's MTV Movie Awards, Joe Manganiello held the Golden Popcorn up to his package near a swooning Elizabeth Banks. It was a bold move, but well-received. Who will have the guts and charm to pull it off this year? Here are five trophy-humping hopefuls.
If you thought it was creepy watching Seth MacFarlane's Ted at the Oscars, you're totally unprepared to watch him act out the first Golden Popcorn golden shower. After the "dirty Fozzie," he's unstoppable.
2. Taylor Lautner
Nominated for Best Shirtless Performance, Lautner continues to be a "Twilight" sex symbol. But maybe he's ready to make the jump from teen heartthrob to Hollywood bad boy. What better way to do it than by wearing the award as a codpiece, skeeving out his entire teenage girl fan base who'll think he's "soooo immature"?
Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures
Film explosions rarely get the respect they deserve. Cine-snobs say they're trifling and extravagant, included only to appeal to those Neanderthals who giggle when they see things go boom. Well, we are those Neanderthals! And we can't wait for Sunday's MTV Movie Awards, because there are a bunch of excellent movies nominated across the 13 categories, some of which include 2012's best on-screen explosions.
Since big balls of fire don't yet warrant their own category on the show, we've taken it upon ourselves to assemble this list of nominees in GIF form. As Beavis would say, "Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!"
Credit: Otto Greule Jr.
Movie quotes are a way of life for most of us. They're a common cultural language, and the period at the end of a sentence. Nothing caps off a moment like a line from "Anchorman" or "Goodfellas." But some guys can be irresponsible, actually ruining great movies by endlessly quoting them. Here are some films you should stop quoting before your friends stop inviting you to hang out.