If you've never been sucked down the rabbit hole of fan fiction, consider yourself lucky. It's a bizarre world of half-baked ideas and bad writing that almost always ends up with someone naked. If you want to remain a fan fiction virgin, stop reading now. Because you're about to be led into a cave of freakish fantasies that all have one thing in common: "Beavis and Butt-Head."
As hard as it is to believe, there are people with enough time to concoct stories about Beavis and Butt-Head, type them up and post them online. Our role is to bring them to you.
Have you seen that ESPN commercial where some mopey white dude named Michael Jordan constantly disappointing people because he's not THE Michael Jordan? It's funny. A solid 6 out of 10, which is damn good for a commercial.
We bring it up because it's the life anyone named Beavis must be also leading (and anyone unlucky enough to be named Butt-Head). Instead of sharing a name with a basketball great though, they share a name with one of the most dim-witted cartoons ever drawn. Still, you know when these Beavises show up for a restaurant reservation the hostess is bummed they're not a cartoon in a Metallica shirt.
We don't want you to ever have to suffer that same disappointment. So we've compiled a list of a bunch of real people named Beavis, which will keep you from being sad when you deliver pizza to someone named Beavis and it's not this guy.
Cole Hamels just doesn't give a f***. Everyone knows that pitchers occasionally bean batters on purpose, but they always deny it. Well, not Hamels. He admitted to intentionally smacking Washington Nationals' rookie Bryce Harper in the small of the back on Sunday night with a 93 mph pitch. Now he's serving a five-game suspension.
"I was trying to hit him," the two-time All-Star lefty and 2008 World Series MVP said Sunday night. "I'm not going to deny it. I'm not trying to injure the guy. They're probably not going to like me for it, but I'm not going to say I wasn’t trying to do it. I think they understood the message, and they threw it right back. That's the way, and I respect it."
It may not be the smartest thing to admit, but you have to respect Hamels for keeping it real, just like Batman. That's why we created the above Batman-worthy GIF. Sorry, Harper, you're the Penguin in this scenario.
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Metta World Peace's 6 Batman-Worthy Fouls [GIFs]
The passion of hockey fans is legendary, but everyone knows that wild enthusiasm and permanent ink can be an explosive and regrettable combination. While some emerge with tattoos that are worth cutting the sleeves off their game day jerseys in order to show off, others get five minutes and a game misconduct for flagrant crimes against the sport, good taste and logo designers everywhere.
Lindsay Ames' original comedy series of shorts is back at MTV Clutch! "How To End A Date In 30 Seconds Or Less" showcases a variety of horrible dates that end faster than it takes to text message someone to get lost. This latest one features a man that has an interesting talent. "Interesting" is an overstatement and "talent" actually means "something most 10-year-old boys can do." Still his dedication to it during his first date with Lindsay is impressive.
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Cinco de Mayo means "puking your brains out" in Spanish. Not really, but it's something you will see dozens of people do this Saturday. There's nothing more hilarious and disturbing than watching/listening to somebody empty their guts because they drank too much tequila. You want to look away, you want to plug your ears, but you can't. You laugh as their bodies completely reject the mixture of punch and piñata candy they've decided to put in themselves. When you're around someone who's hurling hard, you only have one option: grab your camera and capture YouTube gold! OK, you actually have a few options... One of the better ones would probably be leaving that person to vomit in peace, but that's not going to make a good story, or a good viral video.
Every now and then you'll find yourself in one of those situations where you think, "Dammit! If I only knew how to beat the crap out of a bear!" Nine times out of 10, it'll be because you are about to fight a bear. (The other one time is if you're me and having a fight with my ex-girlfriend who could easily play for the Chicago Bears.) Lucky for you we've provided a guide to taking down one of those grizzly bastards. Pay attention, take notes and stay away from Rhonda Butkus if you can.
1. Stare right into the face of that hairy bag of lies. He's only confident 'cuz of his rep.
If you're not familiar with the best new show on cable, MTV2's "Nitro Circus Live," or the funny/awesome web series "Roner Vision," allow us to introduce you to professional skier, BASE jumper and all-around mad man Erik Roner. He's been a part of the Nitro Circus Crew since 2005, when Travis Pastrana asked for him to help BASE jump dirt bikes into the Grand Canyon. As a result, Roner was featured in two seasons of MTV's "Nitro Circus," a sold-out world tour and the upcoming movie "Nitro Circus 3D." Somehow he also finds time to produce and star in his own video web series "Roner Vision," which is a must-watch for any action sports fans.
Unfortunately, as of late, Erik has been laid-up at home after a nasty crash involving an avalanche. Since he can't be out amongst his fans, MTV Clutch is bringing him to you live via satellite (on tape). Ryan McKee: Animated Blogger discusses his favorite scenes from "Nitro Circus Live," his accident, skiing and even draws a girlfriend for McKee.
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Metta World Peace doesn't have a track reward of comically flagrant fouls like last night's thunderous elbow to the Thunder's James Harden. However, his alter ego Ron Artest certainly does. He has an epic history of crashing into and punching opposing players, as well as fans. Now that we know the name change hasn't changed the man, continuing to call him "Metta World Peace" feels a bit like calling the Hulk "Bruce Banner" in hopes that he doesn't smash you. If you asked Artest, he'd probably tell you that everyone who's ever been flagrantly fouled by him was just walking in the area he happened to be swinging his giant, angry fists, but we're not here to argue the validity of his fouls. We're just here to make fun of how over-the-top his madness gets with these Batman-worthy GIFs.
Credit: Getty Images/Slaven Vlasic
It might be hard for most men to admit this, but Amber Rose has more girl-getting game than most men do. The fiancé of Wiz Khalifa and newly established rapper herself has been making some noise in the game for quite a while now. Sexy from her shaved head to her expensive shoe-covered toes, Amber Rose knows what women want. During the taping of MTV2's new game show "Hip Hop Squares," Mz. Khalifa checked in with MTV Clutch to drop some gems. She made it really easy for you, fellas, by offering up some tips on how to pick up women in a club. Her biggest lesson of all? Do not take women home the night you meet them (sorry, but it's true). So grab yourself a pen and pad and peep Amber Rose's commandments. If you use any of her tips, make sure you thank her.
Check out the premier episode of "Hip Hop Squares" May 22 at 11p on MTV2.