Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."
If you choose to crumble at the first sign of hardship, you'll never reach your true potential or achieve even a modicum of peace with who you are. And there's likely no greater satisfaction than in knowing that you're someone who can take whatever life throws at him.
"Absorb what is useful. Discard what is not. Add what is uniquely your own.
This is the philosophy that Lee used to create his own style of martial arts, Jeet-Kune-Do (Way of the Intercepting Fist), and in doing so pioneered the sport we know today as Mixed Marital Arts. Lee studied fighting styles from around the world, simplifying them and coalescing them into a "style without a style" that could counter and defeat any single form of fighting.
Whatever it is you're good at and choose to do, odds are there's a ton of people out there doing the exact same thing. But your blend of life experiences are unique to you, and by utilizing that which is yours and putting it out there, you find your voice and stand out from the crowd.
UFC Hall of Famer Randy Couture has fought in the UFC exclusively since 2001. Usually, when you are part of Dana White's family for that long, you're guaranteed a lofty spot in the organization. Matt Hughes recently retired and became the Vice President of Athletic Development while Couture's great rock 'em sock 'em rival Chuck Liddell also hung up the gloves and is now the Vice President of Business Development. Neither of them have been with the organization as long as Couture has. So it would make sense for the former champ to take his seat at the round table (or is it shaped like an Octagon?).
Speaking of manliness, no one is less manly than a bully. Most victims of bullying have no recourse (just therapy) after suffering wedgies or swirlies or purple nurples... but a lucky few can sub in a professional MMA fighter to challenge their tormentors, thanks to MTV's "Bully Beatdown."
It's the brainchild of host Jason "Mayhem" Miller, a retired UFC middleweight who "got picked on a lot" as a kid. The show isn't just exciting, punch-heavy entertainment; it contains some timeless wisdom.
1. Bullies Never Win In The End
On every episode, the arrogant bully thinks he can defeat any opponent, but not a single one has knocked out an MMA fighter. The only guy who came close is Dennis from episode six, who fought to a draw and received $10,000 for the feat. Still, he vomited from sustaining so much bodily damage. "Dennis is gonna be puking for days," Mayhem predicted. "He took more hits than Google."
Jesse Finney, a former MMA welterweight competitor and current trainer, was shopping for groceries at a Missouri supermarket when a man--allegedly carrying seven bottles of vodka--rushed out the wrong door. A female employee tried to stop the suspected thief, but he fought back. And that's when six-foot Finney pinned him to the ground.
"Chill out, relax, I'm not gonna hurt you," Finney, who started his MMA training at age nine, told the other man. "Police are on their way. You're gonna get arrested."
The shoplifter kept struggling and threatening, according to Finney, but "wasn't getting up, I can promise you that."
Finney is now using this media moment to improve MMA's public image. He says many people assume "you're a mean guy, you're a tough guy or you're a bully, and a lot of times it's just the opposite." Sometimes you're just Batman.
WARNING: You'll never want to have sex again after reading this post. You might even have trouble walking. You're going to read it anyway. Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
Earlier this month, Ultimate Fighting Championship contestant Ray Elbe shared a horrific story on an MMA message board: while having sex with his girlfriend in the cowgirl position, she descended at the wrong angle ("Everything was under control until 1 bounce went a 'little' too high") and snapped his dick. This is how he describes it:
"Falling face first I ko'd myself on the floor ... chipping two teeth and busting my chin... [The nurses] have been trying to clean the dry blood of my swollen shaft in between my tears and pleads for them to be gentle... There has been a tube stuck out of the small hole at the end of my pee-pee which has allowed me to go urinate without having to get out of the bed...however I must admit, seeing the amount of blood leaking from the hole onto the sheets has made me feel like puking every morning. Lesson learned-- I will never let a girl on top again."
Fortunately for Elbe, the $6,000 surgery was successful. He received 10 stitches and will have to "take anti-erection pills for 2 weeks." Even more fortunately, his girlfriend "to make it up to me ... has promised me a threesome of my choice." So, the pain was all worth it! (At least he didn't sue his girlfriend like a Massachusetts guy did after a similar injury.)
It ended the way it was supposed to, only 30 seconds after it started. After a short exchange at the beginning of a match, an MMA fighter resembling King Hippo from "Mike Tyson's Punch Out!" experienced a (fleeting) sense of invincibility (six seconds). So he raised his arms open wide, taunting his opponent like King Hippo does, then put his arms back at his side leaving his head and body exposed. And then the inevitable and completely deserved happened: Hippo got WHACKED across the jaw and hit the canvas like a sack of potatoes. In the ensuing 20 seconds of video, he doesn't get up, either because he was out cold or too ashamed. Either would work. Says the fighter's video game counterpart to Little Mac: "I have my weakness. But I won't tell you! Ha Ha Ha!" Spoiler: It's excessive pride.
Ah yes, the victory celebration. All of us have thought about what we would do after we knock someone out. The guy above apparently didn't really think this one through. But we certainly have. It's just too bad that we haven't had a chance to show the world our funky chicken into a kickworm move before that damn Jamie Varner stole it. Nevertheless, the sheer exhilaration of turning the lights out on somebody leads people to do some crazy things. Some are well-thought-out theatrics ( Tito Ortiz) while other celebrations just kind of happen out of nowhere (Yeah Eder Jones, we're talking to you). So we decided to round up some of our favorite MMA victory celebration GIFs for you to watch over, and over, and over again.
Well, it looks like retirement doesn't fit Jason "Mayhem" Miller very well. Or he just had a really rough night. The former MMA fighter and "Bully Beatdown" host was arrested when cops found him naked in a California church. They suspect that after breaking into the church, he also sprayed a fire extinguisher. Luckily, nobody was hurt and there wasn't too much damage, and when cops got to him he was coherent. Our favorite part? When police asked him to identify himself, he answered, "Mayhem."
So what's going on with Mayhem? He lost his last fight and walked away from the sport he loved, and months later this happens. We hope he's alright, but he should probably find a new post-retirement hobby. Church stripping is only fun the first couple times.
Hooray for blood, guts and "Bellator!" It's been awhile since we watched MMA on MTV2 but on July 20th, Bellator LXII (72 for those unversed in Roman numerals) will take place at the USF Sun Dome in Tampa, Florida. So what is there to get all excited about? First of all, former Strikeforce and UFC fighter Paul "Semtex" Daley and will be making his debut with the organization against Rudy Bears. If you know about Paul Daley then you know that his hands have a knack for giving his opponents a good night's sleep.
If that's not enough to get you excited, the Welterweight tournament final between Bryan "The Beast" Baker and Karl "Psycho" Amoussou will also take place on the card. Who doesn't want to see a beast fight a psycho? It's the perfect recipe for violence and excitement. Baker is coming off of decision victories over Carlos Alexandre Pereira and Ben Saunders and is likely looking to end his knockout drought. Amoussou last scored a submission victory over Chris Lozano in the tournament quarterfinal but had squeaked by David Rickels despite getting kicked in the balls multiple times in the fight. The winner will get a sweet $100,000 check and a shot at the champion Ben Askren.
And finally we're hoping to see a full fight between Marius Zaromski and Waachiim Spiritwolf without a hint of controversy. Their previous two fights should be graded "Incomplete" as the first clash ended in six seconds after Spiritwolf was accidentally poked in the eye. The second meeting between the two was an exciting back and forth battle that ended after the second round when a cut on Spiritwolf's head caused the referee to stop the fight. We've got our fingers crossed that the third time will be a charm for these two. Feel free to use their names in a game of Scrabble.
Season 2 of "Guy Code" premiered this week, and as expected, it was funny and enlightening. Watch the full episode here if you missed it. But did you know there's a shiny new Guy Code Tumblr as well? BIG THINGS are happening in the "Guy Code" world.