Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
The average ESPN National Cheerleading Champion doesn't pursue a career in comedy, but Syd Wilder from Seth Rogen's "This Is The End" and YouTube hit "How To Take A Slutty Selfie" is more than just another pretty face...or, pretty body...or, pretty, um...the point is, she's real pretty. Anyway, Syd called us up to chat about her latest outrageous video, "How To Twerk With Seniors" (instructing 80-year-olds in the ways of Miley Cyrus) and why guys shouldn't be afraid to date women who are funnier than us.
Thanks for taking the time to talk. How's it going? I'm hungover in bed right now -- I was out celebrating my birthday.
Is it your actual birthday today? Or yesterday? I don't really remember if it's my birthday...I think it was Thursday. It's been a week-long celebration. I hired a big fatass lady who taught twerking and booty-dancing to all my girlfriends, and we were drunk all over the floor like toddlers. That was fun.
Aren't you the twerking teacher? My girlfriends don't learn well from me.
Eli Manning and the New York Giants are off to an ugly 0-4 start. However, even the most hate-filled NFC East fan couldn't use "ugly" to describe Manning's smoking hot wife Abby McGrew (left). She is easily a 9, which coincidentally is the same number of INTs Eli has thrown this year. He gets a break going against the paper-thin Philadelphia Eagles defense this week, so chalk him up for 25 points, for a combined 34.
With bye weeks facing big-name QBs, week five may be the time to give Cleveland Browns QB Brian Hoyer a chance. In only two games, Hoyer has already put up 48 fantasy points and looks to add to that number Thursday night at home against the Bills. Hoyer may be a rookie when it comes to fantasy football, but he's a seasoned pro when it comes to fantasy babes, as he locked up a long-term deal when he married Lauren Scrivens (right). She is a 9.5 and Hoyer will have a breakout game with 26 points for a 35.5 combined score.
We miss the summer already, but as the temperature drops outside, we're putting ourselves back in a tropical state of mind with social media photos from the ladies of "Guy Code." We featured Melanie Iglesias on Monday and April Rose on Tuesday, and today's all about Lisa Ramos. (With a few appearances from best friend Melanie.) Check back later this week for summer photos from Tiffany Luu and Carly Aquilino.
Guys, here's a pro tip for the bedroom: Ladies can be turned off as quickly as you can be turned on, and most of 'em ("Blurred Lines" model Emily Ratajkowski to the contrary) think it looks ridiculous when you're wearing socks and nothing else, especially torn ones. We can understand why you might be confused, because -- for some mysterious reason -- a pair of socks can make women look even hotter...uh, especially torn ones.
In memory of summer, we're collecting the best warm weather social media photos from our "Guy Code" ladies and posting one gallery each day this week. Yesterday, we presented Melanie Iglesias's summer as told through her Instagram pics. Today you're getting our favorite blonde bombshell, April Rose. Stay tuned for Lisa Ramos, Tiffany Luu and Carly Aquilino over the next three days.
A Chicago native, April is a true Midwestern girl that any guy would love to hang around (and not just because she's gorgeous). She loves America, beer, her Bullmastiff named Sharkey, classic automobiles, hanging out in bikinis and talking about lesbians (see below photo). She even has a great sense of humor with a dirty streak. It was a big summer for her. She appeared in "Grown Ups 2" as the hot dance teacher, enjoyed some Squirt and saw a bunch of awesome cars. Enjoy reliving it in photos:
She tweeted this out with only "Squirt" as text...which was misleading for some...
If it were up to most guys, every day would be spent in a beer coma, covered in potato chips, as highlights from last season's Pro Bowl play on the TV. The problem is that guys want to get laid, so we must make some sacrifices. Here are things we would never expend any effort on, except to convince women that we're not the slobs we actually are.
1. Dressing Nice
There's a reason why cavemen wore loincloths on their hunts -- when girls aren't around, guys like to throw on the most comfortable thing possible. If girls were super attracted to sweatpants, that would be the most profitable industry on the planet. The problem is that girls like guys who actually take the time to look nice, and that's why suits were invented.
2. Eating In Fancy Restaurants
Ever see a plate of kale at a guys' night out? We don't think so -- more like buffalo wings, mozzarella sticks and jalapeño poppers. Guys like to eat s***ty food and lots of it. If it's greasy, it's good...and it probably isn't sold at a restaurant with a positive Yelp review. We're pretty sure the only reason restaurant reviews exist is so dudes know where to take girls to impress them. Otherwise, most dates would end the second a guy pulls into a drive-thru.
Sadly, summer has officially ended. You have to stop day-dreaming about girls in bikinis and start dreaming about girls in skimpy Halloween costumes, tight sweaters and sexy snow boats.
As a going-away tribute to our awesome buddy Summer (he has barbecue pool parties all the time), we're collecting the best Instagram photos from the "Guy Code" ladies: Melanie Iglesias, April Rose, Lisa Ramos, Tiffany Luu and Carly Aquilino (technically not a "Guy Code" cast-member, but we needed a fifth girl to fill the week). We're posting a different girl's photo collection every day this week. And we're starting with the beautiful and charismatic Melanie Iglesias. Enjoy:
Hey man, times are rough. We've been in a recession for what feels like 115 years, and inflation has ruined every experience from dinner to the movies. That makes dating a liability more than an asset. Still, you want to get some ass(ets), so you can't not date. If she has a steady cash flow and you don't, here's how to convince her to pick up the check without ditching you. We're not saying you should feel proud, we're just sayin'...
1. Claim You Spent Your Last $50 Donating To The ASPCA
Sarah McLachlan always touches your heart when she sings "Angel" like, well, an angel to those sad furry little animals in the ASPCA commercials. Brownie points if you tell the girl you miss the McLachlan-curated Lilith Fair. That'll really get you laid.
2. Claim You're Saving Up To Buy A House
With the price of a down payment, of course you can't afford fancy dinners. But she'll think you're a responsible adult who'll eventually have a house for her to live in rent-free. Carry around the real estate section of your local paper for effect.
3. Claim You're European And Don't Have Any Local Currency Yet
This only works on a first date, and if you're really good at accents. When the check comes, put down a few British pounds. (You only need the equivalent of like $3. She won't know the exchange rate unless she's a bank teller.) Apologize for forgetting to exchange them when your flight landed from London. She'll imagine traveling the world with you and happily cover the meal. Cheers.
I'm going to be honest and admit that I've never thought about this colossally-important question before: why do bad girls bend at the waist when posing for naughty photos? And maybe the better question is, why do we find it so sexy? If you really stop and think about it, babies who are taking a dump in their diapers make the same pose. Also, people who are constipated or are about to crap their pants make that pose. Yet, when an attractive girl wears skimpy clothing and does the same pose, men go bonkers. They save the photos in a folder on their computer and often look at them for inspiration. (And when I say "they," I mean me.)
Thanks to our good pals at The Chive for bringing this interesting life quandary to my attention today with these amazing 42 photos. After examining this academic photo study closely, I'm no closer to understanding why this pose is sexy. However, I now have enough research to help me contemplate it through this weekend.