Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
You don't want to show up to the Halloween party all by yourself, so you've finally said "OK" to OkCupid. Your profile is up and running, but the ladies just aren't biting, despite the fact that you're clearly a catch. Here are seven things that may be sending girls running away from you faster than they would from Michael Myers.
1. Hiding Your Face In Your Profile Pic
They're called "selfies," not "cell-phies," so don't cover your face with your smartphone in the mirror. If you don't have a picture you like, take a page from girls and shoot yourself from above, stretching your arm as high above your face as possible. This is a universally flattering angle and will showcase the fact that you actually have a face.
2. Using "LOL"
OMG. LOL and its related abbreviations should be reserved for teenaged girls and moms who just learned how to text. Plus, there's something unsettling and narcissistic about someone who LOL's at their own statements LOL.
3. Putting "Casual Sex" As One Of The Things You're Looking For
Most girls safely assume that most dudes are down for casual sex. Spelling it out spells a one-track mind. Opt instead for the "Short Term Dating" description.
Once you hit a certain age, Halloween stops being about getting candy and starts being about getting turned on by ladies' revealing costumes. Does trying to make a crayon sexy sound like a dumb idea? Yes. Is it possible to be turned on by a hot girl wearing a tight, skimpy crayon outfit? Also, yes.
We're not proud that we can be attracted to a crayon, but we'd be lying if we tried to pretend otherwise. Here are some other costumes that get us all mixed up inside.
Sorority sisters are like the caviar of college girls: Pretty and decadent on the outside, but an acquired taste and sometimes overrated. Lucky for you, sorority girls make up only a small part of the female student body, which is good if you're anti-Greek life. But as it turns out, there are actually a lot of reasons why they make A+ girlfriends...and just as many reasons why they don't. Before you decide to "go Greek" (with girls, that is), check out these arguments and know what you're in for.
Reasons Why You SHOULD Date A Sorority Girl
1. They're Committed
Some girls insist they don't want a boyfriend because they're "afraid of commitment," which is usually just slang for "not interested." Luckily, choosing to be part of Greek life means pledging your lifelong allegiance to Kappa Kappa Kappa or whatever, so dating a sorority sister means you know she's capable of committing to something. Just make sure you keep being the kind of guy she wants to commit to, because she has a lot of options if you start taking her for granted.
2. They're Concerned With Upkeep
The stress of college life can make some girls look haggard and forget to wash their hair by the first round of midterms. Sorority girls, however, generally look decent year-round because they're always having to dress up for special events and formals. This also means they're more inclined to keep in shape to fit into those dresses, which is a bonus for you.
3. They Have "Sisters"
Sorority girls tend to travel in packs, which means they're constantly surrounded by fellow hot girls. This is only going to be an issue for you if you can't keep your sights set on just one girl. Otherwise, it's awesome because you can set up all your friends with her sisters and be a freakin' hero.
Guys can be dumb in all kinds of ways, from infantile pranks to ill-advised stunts to plain old saying the dumbest thing possible in any given social situation -- but we nevertheless pride ourselves on our reasoning abilities. We're creatures of logic, determined to form an orderly line to the restroom and GTFO as quickly as possible. We don't let emotions cloud our judgment -- that's what beer is for.
In a relationship, though, you'll be faced with situations that don't make any sense whatsoever, a Bizarro World where the only consistency is inconsistency. It's OK to be confused -- just click through these memes and know that guys everywhere understand your total lack of understanding.
The average ESPN National Cheerleading Champion doesn't pursue a career in comedy, but Syd Wilder from Seth Rogen's "This Is The End" and YouTube hit "How To Take A Slutty Selfie" is more than just another pretty face...or, pretty body...or, pretty, um...the point is, she's real pretty. Anyway, Syd called us up to chat about her latest outrageous video, "How To Twerk With Seniors" (instructing 80-year-olds in the ways of Miley Cyrus) and why guys shouldn't be afraid to date women who are funnier than us.
Thanks for taking the time to talk. How's it going? I'm hungover in bed right now -- I was out celebrating my birthday.
Is it your actual birthday today? Or yesterday? I don't really remember if it's my birthday...I think it was Thursday. It's been a week-long celebration. I hired a big fatass lady who taught twerking and booty-dancing to all my girlfriends, and we were drunk all over the floor like toddlers. That was fun.
Aren't you the twerking teacher? My girlfriends don't learn well from me.
Eli Manning and the New York Giants are off to an ugly 0-4 start. However, even the most hate-filled NFC East fan couldn't use "ugly" to describe Manning's smoking hot wife Abby McGrew (left). She is easily a 9, which coincidentally is the same number of INTs Eli has thrown this year. He gets a break going against the paper-thin Philadelphia Eagles defense this week, so chalk him up for 25 points, for a combined 34.
With bye weeks facing big-name QBs, week five may be the time to give Cleveland Browns QB Brian Hoyer a chance. In only two games, Hoyer has already put up 48 fantasy points and looks to add to that number Thursday night at home against the Bills. Hoyer may be a rookie when it comes to fantasy football, but he's a seasoned pro when it comes to fantasy babes, as he locked up a long-term deal when he married Lauren Scrivens (right). She is a 9.5 and Hoyer will have a breakout game with 26 points for a 35.5 combined score.
We miss the summer already, but as the temperature drops outside, we're putting ourselves back in a tropical state of mind with social media photos from the ladies of "Guy Code." We featured Melanie Iglesias on Monday and April Rose on Tuesday, and today's all about Lisa Ramos. (With a few appearances from best friend Melanie.) Check back later this week for summer photos from Tiffany Luu and Carly Aquilino.
Guys, here's a pro tip for the bedroom: Ladies can be turned off as quickly as you can be turned on, and most of 'em ("Blurred Lines" model Emily Ratajkowski to the contrary) think it looks ridiculous when you're wearing socks and nothing else, especially torn ones. We can understand why you might be confused, because -- for some mysterious reason -- a pair of socks can make women look even hotter...uh, especially torn ones.