Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
The foundation of kickin' a good game is playing up your strengths despite the odds. In the all-time Game Hall of Fame you'll see a lot of guys making the most with very little. In these tough times, your pockets might not be overflowing with cash...but you can still show that chick you met at last week's party a great time. Here are some tips on how to be a penniless pimp.
1. Ice cream dates
Is that Italian joint with $30 lasagna out of the question? No problem. Ice cream solves many problems, large and small. It's inexpensive, there's a ton of variety and it's f***in' delicious. Bonus points for ordering one large bowl with two spoons to increase the level of intimacy. And if you happen to meet a girl who doesn't like ice cream, run the other way, friend. A girl who hates ice cream is not the type of girl you'll enjoy being around.
Instead of dropping an entire paycheck on movie tickets and popcorn (if you had a paycheck, we mean), stay at home and utilize that Netflix streaming account. Tear through an entire season of "Breaking Bad" or check out any number of modern classics. Quick tip: Be sure to clean your place before she comes over. A sloppy room means you were too lazy to clean and she might think you are also too lazy to get a job.
On last night's "Girl Code" (watch full episode here), the gals explained that almost anything can qualify as cheating -- even guys' thoughts -- which is a pretty confusing concept. How is it cheating if touching isn't even involved?
A good rule of thumb is, if you're too ashamed to tell your girlfriend about it -- and face her wrath -- then you've gone too far. Still, can it really be cheating if you're just...
1. Flirting with strangers
What's the harm of chatting up that cute girl at the grocery store? Sure, she laughs at your jokes and compliments your sexy eyes, but that doesn't mean you've done anything wrong...yet. Be safe and self-check out of this store ASAP.
2. Sexual tension with a coworker
Whether you're her boss or she's yours, nothing good can come out of lacing your office conversations with double entendres. The longer you keep this tension going, the likelier you are to do the wrong kind of "networking" at an after-work happy hour.
Pick-up lines are well-documented as having terrible success rates, yet heads still use them...probably because rappers make 'em sound cool. But when you lay down these lyrical witticisms, they just don't carry the same weight. Instead of millions from platinum records, you'll merely earn awkward, disgusted glares from ladies.
1. "You don't know how you look to me/But if love was a crime you be a crook to me"
If you quote these smooth bars from Diddy's "I Need A Girl (Part Two)" to an actual girl, it'll sound cheesier than, "Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?"
2. "I wonder...how would it feel, to sleep with a woman like you?/To fade that monkey 'til it's funky"
Honest questions deserve honest answers. But this question from DJ Quik's "Mo P****" will get you an answer in the form of a fist to your face.
3. "Girl I got that dope d***, now come here let me dope you/You gon' be a dope fiend, your friends should call you Dopey"
Lil Wayne can get away with this boast from "Every Girl," because he's Lil Wayne. But you can't, because you're you.
Would you rather know the harsh truth, or live in ignorant, deluded bliss? Philosophers have debated this question for millennia...and it's the same one you've gotta ask yourself before watching "Girl Code," because there's no watering down this dose of reality.
But the truth will also set you free, especially if your girlfriend has been sneaking around behind your back. Here are the lessons guys can learn from last night's episode.
1. Pinpoint Her Blabbermouth Friend
As Charlamagne Tha God points out, "Girls are the best cheaters...women are just that good." They'll hide the evidence and cover their intricate lies up with even more intricate lies. But like Superman with kryptonite, everybody has a weakness...and in this case, it's gossipy gal pals. Carly Aquilino reveals that all girls have a bigmouth friend who'll blab about anything. Find this friend.
2. Learn Her Definition Of Cheating
Guys don't think of ourselves as cheaters unless what we're doing carries an STD risk...but your girlfriend might feel betrayed if you even look at another girl the wrong way. Jamie Lee says that cheating is "pretty much anything that would hurt the other person if they found out you were doing it."
You and your chick better be on the same page here, or else that lap dance at your friend's bachelor party is gonna earn you a month in the doghouse.
Boobs should always be in the news (and we don't just mean those ones in Congress). Luckily, they have been of late.
Last week saw Angelina Jolie reveal intimate details of her double mastectomy. Then, The New York Times spotlighted performance artist Holly Van Voast and her bare-chested activism (we never knew we liked performance art so much). Even Playboy just released an "Ultimate History of Boobs," and, no, it wasn't simply a complete collection of every single issue they've ever published.
All these boobs in the news have made our friends at Nerve.com take note. In a piece called "Why Are Boobs So Fascinating?," writer Kate Hakala tries to answer that most important eternal question. She talks about the history of boobs, some famous ones and even discusses her own ample pair.
The Hangout Music Festival won the weekend and became our new favorite warm weather event. In a genius move, it combines two of the greatest things on earth, live music and sexy ladies in bikinis. How did this revelation not come to music festival promoters earlier? All outdoor events from now on should be hosted on beachfront property: renaissance fairs, hotdog eating contests, book fairs, etc. Each would be improved by the presence of women in bikinis. Below are photos of our favorite sexy ladies enjoying the music and sun.
Alesha Renee did two seasons of "Guy Code" before moving on to the pinker pastures of "Girl Code." We missed her take in season three, so we caught her during a shoot and asked her some of your questions from Twitter and Facebook.
Want to know how to pick up girls at the gym? How about whether women ever respond to cat calls? And have you ever thought about what Tourettes Syndrome code would be? Alesha breaks this all down and more in the following video.
It'll be a party for sure, but if you can't make it down to the beach, don't worry: MTV is joining forces with VH1 and CMT to stream all of the best moments from Hangout 2013 on our official Hangout Hub.
All this sounds great, but we haven't gotten to the best news yet. The very sexy Katherine Webb will be one of MTV's correspondents at the festival. The girlfriend of Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron, Webb is famous for nearly causing football commentator Brent Musberger to pass out on live TV when cameras found her in the crowd at this year's BCS National Championship Game. She's parlayed that 15 seconds of fame into national modeling work, a spot on the ABC reality show "Splash" and now working a gig with us!
We're big fans of physical fitness around these parts. It's good for your heart, good for your brain, good for...for...what were we talking about again?
Oh yeah, physical fitness. Go to the gym! Care about your body! At least, care about the other bodies there, curves fully on display thanks to the sports bra...which, for some miraculous reason, girls consider outerwear, not underwear, even though it was modeled after the jockstrap.
On Wall Street, insider information is illegal 'cause it gives some guys an advantage over others. If you're not watching "Girl Code," you're missing out on a similar advantage. Every week, we're breaking down how you can use ladies' secrets to up your game.
1. Be Careful About "Liking" Her Facebook Bikini Photos
Girls hate it when other girls overshare, but we're with Andrew Schulz on this one: "Keep the Cancun pictures coming!"
However, you've gotta be subtle when expressing your appreciation, because she might not take it as flattery. Tanisha Long says, "If a guy 'likes' your picture at 2:45 in the morning on Facebook, he's a creep...especially if it's a picture from 2003. Then he's a super creep."
2. Be Perfect In Bed...And Imperfect Out Of It
A friend with benefits isn't a friend for life--but she is a friend for your sex life. You get laid, and you don't even have to worry about jealousy, meeting her parents or buying her dinner...so don't ruin it by making her fall in love with you!
Shalyah Evans explains that an ideal FWB "is someone you think is super fun and physically attractive, but has no qualities you would ever want to be in a relationship with." You don't have to charm a girl; you just have to keep her coming back for more.
Like all good things, though, it can't last forever. April Rose defines a FWB as "someone you don't mind losing when the right guy comes along." Until then, don't be the right guy. Read More...