Photo via Buzzfeed
Nobody loves doing pullups, but we force ourselves to do 'em anyway because double-D breasts aren't a good look for dudes. What if you didn't need to hit the gym, though? What if you could just wear padding to appear jacked, while the toxic fatty sludge clogging your overworked cardiovascular system slowly, then quickly, murders you?
That's the beautiful dream of Funkybod, a British company that markets a "muscle enhancing top...to hide the visible signs of manboobs." Its sales text boasts, "[T]he Funkybod top is a great confidence booster for men in the same way a padded bra works for women...we hope it's your greatest asset in your wardrobe."
Funkybod distinguishes its product from the classic girdle, which merely squeezes your cellulite into a semi-acceptable form, by supposedly giving you "a pumped look" that "[f]eels realistic to the touch." The only problem, of course, is that if you get lucky thanks to it, your partner won't feel too thrilled about being duped when you take it off.
Seriously, exercise-averse guys: Just shell out for pectoral implants from a plastic surgeon -- if you're a lazy bastard, don't also be a cheap bastard.
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Trojan released a new line of lubricants and as a way to promote it, invited everyone to participate in the World's Largest Simultaneous Orgasm. To be part of this record-breaker, you just needed to be having sex (or doing your thing solo, I suppose) at 10 p.m. EST last Friday. Did it work? Did they break the record? No way to know. Guinness World Records didn't station researchers with synchronized watches in every bedroom. Still, it was a great excuse to talk someone into having sex with you.
For 69 lucky couples, Trojan hosted an event at New York's swanky Conrad Hotel to commemorate the momentous (orgasmic) occasion. My girlfriend and I were invited to participate so I could cover it for Guy Code Blog. I've been to a bunch of unusual media events, but this one takes the prize…in a good way.
Credit: Getty Images
Every gadget we buy tends to say something about what we do or who we are, and headphones say it especially loud. With the seasons changing, it's a great excuse to ditch your summer set and upgrade to a newer pair. Here are some of our favorites for guys whose careers are defined by their headphones.
1. For The Pro Gamer: Plantronics RIG Stereo Gaming Headset ($130)
Being a pro gamer might not sound like a stressful gig -- you're paid to play video games all day long -- but with thousands of dollars on the line, it takes Olympian-like concentration. Plantronics developed its RIG so that, even if your eyes go bad and your hands get cramped from hours of gaming, at least your ears will remain comfortable. RIGs are lightweight, sound great and are cheap enough to let you bank some of your winnings. If you're in the market for a $200 pair, check out Astro Gaming's A50s.
Last month, I got a chance to interview Derrick Rose about the upcoming season and the launch of his D Rose 4 shoes. He said about the latter, "You're going to be balling. I'm telling you, man. You might get a D-League contract, you never know."
Derrick might've been joking, but that didn't stop me from trying. I laced up my new D Rose 4 pair and went to work in my rec league, coming away with five improvements that hopefully got me a little bit closer to signing that D-League contract after all.
1. Increased Vertical
Never having been one to "jump out of the gym," I need all the help I can get when it comes to my vertical. The D Rose 4s, which weigh only 11.9 oz, made jumping that much easier, and I had a noticeable increase in my launching ability.
2. Injury Reduction
The one thing Derrick and I have in common when it comes to playing basketball is a history of ankle injuries. The D Rose 4s come with a GeoFit collar that protects and stabilizes, making you feel invincible when it comes to potential ankle rolls.
Forgiven markets itself as "a natural, chemical free alcohol metabolizer." We don't completely understand what that means, but it has something to do with preventing hangovers. The idea is you carry this 5-Hour Energy-sized bottle of Forgiven with you out on the town. When you're finished getting drunk, you drink it (hopefully you're not so drunk that you forget) and you'll feel better-than-crappy the next morning.
The company sent us a box of this stuff. Through the years, we've been sold a bunch of snake oils posing as hangover cures and they've never helped. Still, we were willing to set our previous biases to the side and give Forgiven the proper Mansumer Reports test. For that we turned to the biggest group of drunks we know, standup comics. Ron Babcock, Barbara Gray, Adam Murray, Steve Benaquist, Dave Ross and Scott Boxenbaum agreed to record themselves getting drunk, then trying Forgiven and finally their thoughts on it the next morning. You may be surprised by the results.
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Photos by Michele Crowe/Graphics by Jimmy McCain
After doing some advanced algebra, I was horrified to discover that I spend more than 40% of the week cubicle-ing my life away. I occupy this square more than my own apartment. With this heinous realization chaining me to my desk, I took to the challenge of tricking out my workspace's tech and creature comforts to boost cube-life into an automated, snack-filled bliss.
A quick and easy way to improve your "I am totally organized" image is to upgrade your notebook. With Moleskines coming in all types of layouts, sizes and even limited edition designs, cradling one of these under your arm to the next daily meeting will make you appear somewhat important. Little do they know it's riddled with your illegible notes, doodles of zombies and you practicing your signature.
Photos by Michele Crowe
As I've mentioned in Mansumer Reports, as Guy Code Blog grows more companies want to send us schwag to shoot photos of, mention in columns, review, etc. Getting random free stuff is a nice perk of blogging. Until recently, that random free stuff never included clothing. After all, what does a MTV.com bro-blogger know about fashion? No one around this office bats an eye if I show up to work in a Big Johnson tank-top and cut-off jeans -- which was my uniform throughout this summer.
That said, 20JEANS and Champs Sports still offered to send me some fall fashions. Since 20JEANS creates a variety of "looks" on their website, like "The Texas Tycoon" and "The Beer Snob," I asked if they'd create "The Guy Blogger" look. Next thing I know, I've got a box of clothing. Since I'm horrible at matching clothing on my own, MTV Style's Gaby Wilson offered to help and the below photos are the result.
Yes, this was shot in my office-cubicle at 1515 Broadway and yes, I realize I'm not a professional model.
Shopping is every guy's least favorite activity. When you do buy a product, however, it's gotta be the best of the best. "Mansumer Reports" will keep the junk away from your junk.
It's that time again! Football season? Nope, better. It's time to round up the random schwag around my big-boss-ass cubicle and write another Mansumer Reports. Because I have some cool stuff and you're going to want to buy it.
Newcastle Werewolf Ale
How do you know when it's officially autumn? Not by the calendar, or the change in weather, or the start of the Canadian Goose migration. It's when beer companies stop marketing their lighter summer ales and start pushing heavier seasonal suds.
The first leaves-changing beer to reach me was Newcastle's Werewolf Ale. They even sent along some teeth and hairy hands, allowing me to embrace the full experience. Unfortunately, the teeth caused me to spill when I took a drink and now my office smells like beer.
How does it taste? Awesome. You might want to hate on it 'cause of the trendy supernatural name, but it's really tasty. I've like Newcastle Brown since I sneaked into my first bar with a fake ID and ordered eight of them. Werewolf is like the Brown, but with a hoppy punch. Not "Jack-Nicholson-as-a-werewolf"-level punch. More of a Taylor Lautner level. Still, a good punch overall.
Credit: Nick Koudis
The school year's right around the corner -- if it hasn't started for you already -- so it's time to pack your bag and head off for the next adventure. But why lug massive textbooks around when you can fit all this awesome stuff instead?
1. Lepow Moonstone Power Bank ($50-$70)
There's nothing worse than being stuck at an electrical socket in public while mooching juice for your dead phone. End the shame by picking up a Lepow Moonstone, which lets you recharge on the go. The "rest and wake" feature keeps it charged for up to six months, so you'll be back to texting in no time.
Credit: Lions Gate Films
Every time we take a shower at our girlfriend's place, we can't help but notice it's an entirely different setup. Guys' bathrooms have one giant bottle of shampoo and a mushy bar of soap with hairs all over it, whereas girls are packing some serious clean in their bathrooms. There's about nine different bottles scattered around. We figure, hey, no harm in indulging a little. Here, a list of feminine products we don't mind secretly using...
1. Loofah & Body Wash
Imagine ditching the bar soap and dousing a crumpled-up fishing net in body wash. It's like cleaning yourself with a soft cloud of dreams and puppy dogs. Highly recommend!
2. Deep Conditioner
Some guys don't care about their hair, but guess what? Women do care about your hair. Regardless of what you've got going on up there, a deep conditioner is like steroids for your mop on top. It'll make your hair look ridiculously healthy and shinier than A-Rod's '09 World Series ring.