It isn't easy sounding like a badass all the time. Most of the time, yes, but even Jon St. John, the brash, booming voice of Duke Nukem, occasionally goes off the rails. And by off the rails we mean he ditches the script and starts talking about Pilates classes. Maybe Duke became worn out during the 14 years that "Duke Nukem Forever" was in development. It's possible that Charlie Sheen's torpedo of truth was a bad influence. Or maybe St. John just says some crazy things to keep his pipes warm and mess with the production team.
Whatever the case, there's footage of Duke spitting some absurd lines that you probably won't hear in "Duke Nukem Forever," which finally hits stores in North America tomorrow.
Video script by Danny Gallagher
Jon St. John is easily the Sir Alec Guinness of the video game voice-over industry. At the very least, he is the Sir Anthony Hopkins of video-game voice acting, minus the royal title and "Mission Impossible 2" stinking up his résumé.
He's provided voices for more than 150 video games, including "Half-Life," "Twisted Metal" and some of the latter titles in the "Sonic" series. But you know him best as the voice of Duke Nukem, the wise-cracking, hyper-jacked CIA assassin slated to return after a 14-year hiatus in "Duke Nukem Forever," due out June 14.
St. John, who started out as a musician and radio DJ before lending his pipes to characters in video games, commercials and animatronic theme-park rides, talked to Clutch about the return of the beloved "equal opportunity ass-kicker" and what it's like to be a geek icon and dad.
LADIES Gina said about her booty: "I just love it, don't you?" [XXL Mag]
Why don't you click through and then answer.
PARTY Beyonce ft. Andre 3000--"Party" (prod. by Kanye & Consequence) [Nah Right]
Giving it all away.
GRAPHIC Comic book based on life of 50 Cent announced [MTV Geek]
Bullets sold separately.
BIG AIR A night of record-breaking stunts--Nitro Circus live [GrindTV]
Travis Pastrana & Co. lit it up on everything, including a wheelchair.
RAGE Angry man with no arms destroys hotel lobby [The High Definite]
Meet the newest member of Project Mayhem.
KICKS The 6 best sneakers you can rock with suits [Complex]
Because conformity is not king.
BACKFIRE Soccer player punches self in the face with opponent's fist [CollegeHumor]
This actually happened.
STICKS Here's a trailer for "Madden 12" [BroBible]
We're not sure if the game gets shut down during a lockout mode.
Photo: WMS Photography, Carlton Primm, Tal Campbell and Edward Ramirez
LADIES Trinidad is into good art, bikes and cute dogs [Suicide Girls]
And she'll break your heart.
BANGERS Bad Meets Evil ft. Bruno Mars "Lighter" [XXL Mag]
Definitely a radio-made track off Hell: The Sequel.
HALF-PIPE Simon Dupont goes up against the Red Bull Cube half-pipe [BroBible]
Simon built this monster 22-foot-high cut-up pipe in his brain six years ago.
INK Chris Brown's new bizarre tattoo [BuzzFeed]
It's one demented Smiley, and I'm qualified to speak on that.
STICKS E3 2011: GT top 10 most anticipated games of E3 [MTV Geek]
"Modern Warfare 3," "Batman: Arkham City" and more.
MUTANTS The style evolution of the X-Men [Complex]
Wolverine would like to thank Hugh Jackman's wife-beater gun show...
OVER AND OVER Supercut: You just don't get it, do you? [Film Drunk]
WE GET IT!!!
DIESEL The 20 greatest Shaq career highlights [Ranker]
And let's not forget holiday favorite Shaq-A-Claus.
Photo: Suicide Girls
After years of hard work by penguins looking adorable and happy, the popular video game "Angry Birds" has set back the bird community by portraying them as a temperamental, vengeful, ticked off group of animals. They often are pretty angry, actually, mainly because birds, even notoriously chill ones like the mute swan, will go completely insane if anyone or anything appears to threaten its eggs or offspring. We can understand that.
But not all birds go nuts in defense of their young. Some winged creatures have launched poop assaults on kids (and on indie rock bands); others have terrorized children for their lunches; and some birds just look really mean. We've grouped all those miserable birds together below because if airborne animals are going to get a bad name, we think they should at least have to earn it.
LADIES She's Sugar Shane Mosley's girlfriend, but you should know her as Bella [XXL Mag]
Leave it to models to innovate new ways to use chairs.
BANGERS Drake "Dreams Money Can Buy" [Nah Right]
Money may not buy happiness, but it will get you some fair-weather friends.
BRAWLS Japan's version of capture the flag is incredibly awesome [Daily What]
Forget kickball, this should be the new gym class and urban social game staple.
MASH-UPS Eclectic Method's "The Apocomix" is a pre-apocalypse must-watch [BroBible]
The apocalypse will be much cooler if Morgan Freeman narrates.
BARBECUE The every guy's guide: how to grill a better burger [Guyism]
This is a skill worth perfecting.
LIL DOC Dr. Dre when he was little? [Urlesque]
The kid's got attitude and three girlfriends.
DAILY DOSE Deconstructing He-Man, C3PO raps and more [MTV Geek]
The C3PO "Star Wars" video is so incredibly '80s, the '80s are surprised.
STYLE How good clothing looks vs. how easy it is to wear [CollegeHumor]
In case you were still undecided about fedoras and man thongs.
Photo: XXL Mag
LADIES Why the U.S. will always lose to Japan at Cosplay [Smoking Jacket]
Exhibits A and B above.
STAGE Kanye covers Stevie Wonder's "They Won't Go When I Go" [PMA]
Bold move and well played.
BALL PARK & BAR TAB Luckiest baseball fan ever & most outrageous bar tab ever [Hot Clicks]
Although Bud Light is a stain on this glorious tab.
DAILY DOSE Get five servings of geek in one convenient place [MTV Geek]
Anyone else have mixed feelings about grown-up Calvin (and Hobbes)?
FAST GAZILLION The Fast and Futuristic infographic [Double Viking]
We're especially pumped for "The Fast Family," a high stakes thriller in the 'burbs.
SUPERCUT Compilation of "Community"'s Troy Barnes (Donald Glover) crying [Daily What]
The most glorious tears known to man.
LETHAL WEAPONS The top 10 counterterrorists in video games [Ranker]
For everyone who prefers fighting bad guys with Cheetos and air conditioning.
SUPERSTITION 13 weirdest Friday the 13th superstitions [HuffPo]
They're about as logical as Jason Giambi's lucky gold thong.
Photos: Smoking Jacket
LADIES Go behind the scenes with XXL Eye Candy Masika [Sucker Free]
You'll want to stay behind the scenes.
BANGERS J. Cole "See It To Believe It" [Nah Right]
This is not an album cut.
BOARDS Setup: Jake Duncombe [Alli Action]
A message from Down Under.
ILLUSTRATED Breast size chart for video game female fighters [BamKapow]
There's a trend in there somewhere.
POSTERIZED This week in movie posters: "30 Minutes or Less" and more [Film Drunk]
Nice crop, plus great news for Paul Blart fans.
APOCALYPSE 15 freaky gas mask designs for doomsday [Walyou]
If we're going down, you at least want to look cool, right?
DIPLOMA Flowchart: What are you doing after graduation? [CollegeHumor]
It's a road map to your couch, or hell.
MAN'S BEST FRIEND A boxer goes stair surfing [Double Viking]
This pooch can also juggle and supervises the neighborhood watch.
LADIES Rihanna's fans handpick "California King Bed" video [RapFix]
BANGERS Yelawolf ft. B.o.B "It's A Party" [XXL Mag]
BIKES Trailsurfing down the Matterhorn in Zermatt, Switzerland [BroBible]
It's a little more intense than the Disney ride.
CAPES The inevitable superhero Situation Room photo [TDW Geek]
Superman just can't pull himself away from Reddit.
DE-EVOLUTION The 5 dumbest conversations on Facebook [CollegeHumor]
I challenge you to read them without shaking your head.
INK A collection of the geekiest tattoos [BuzzFeed]
N3RD L1F3--it's like thug life, only with more mathematics and video games.
STICKS 11 awesome old-school video game commercials [ForkParty]
Warning: Possible nostalgia overload.
SMILE Possibly the greatest Bill Murray photo ever taken [Uproxx]
This photo is crying for a caption contest.