I dig dark chicks.
Anyone can dream of dating a pretty specimen with a body that can start forest fires and a brain that's just above cooked oatmeal on the food chain, but where's the fun in trying to understand a creature as simple as that? Give me a girl with a fist full of restraining orders, a penchant for the macbre and "Pretend That We're Dead" as her ringtone, and you've got someone I can bring home to the goth Momma I never had.
I'm not saying or advocating that someone who is violent or unstable makes for a better relationship. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Girls who dig the darker side of life seem to have their existence more figured out than those who walk on sidewalks made of jelly beans and rainbows. Yes, the world can be a rotten place, and just like everything in it, it can have its moments of happiness and joy, but I think it's better to saddle up to someone who knows how to embrace or laugh at the darker shade of gray when things look their bleakest. Watching the Apocalypse is so much nicer when you're with someone who can appreciate the majesty and splendor of a mushroom cloud for the .4 seconds before it melts off your face.
LADIES Ayisha Diaz says "My eyes are seductive and my ass is well-rounded" [XXL Mag]
STAGE Kanye West corrals A-List guests for SXSW showcase [RapFix]
When your name's Kanye, you get who you want.
BOARDS "Darkside of the Moon" video [Skateboarder Mag]
Hello. Is there anybody in there?
SQUIRREL SUIT Insane video of wingsuit basejumping in Europe [BroBible]
Looks like hang-gliding on steroids.
WAKE-UP CALL The hysterical, cruel way to wake up a buddy [Double Viking]
It's extremely funny until it's you.
SIGNED The 30 best passive-aggressive fridge notes [BuzzFeed]
Some of these calls to violence are downright aggressive.
POSTERS Art project of the day: historically hard-core [Daily What]
See what 50 Cent and Teddy Roosevelt have in common.
PORTABLE Nintendo 3DS game launch trailer [MTV Geek]
Next step: Implanted in your brain.
Photo: XXL Mag
Here's a video of Abigail, the daughter of Destructiod's Nick Chester, unboxing the new Nintendo 3DS, which comes out March, 25. It is, without a doubt, the most thorough and useful review of a portable game console you will see probably ever. It's also pretty damn adorable.
LADIES Aubrey is covered in green paint and basketball [BroBible]
Could this be the long-lost mate for Green Man?
BOOTLEG Foo Fighters show from Cologne [Some Kind of Awesome]
"It's gonna be a long f***ing night!"
BOARDS Creepy night skating is like hovering on an a UFO [Walyou]
Polycarbonate and LEDs; Band-Aids not included.
MELTDOWN Slight overreaction of the day [Daily What]
Does "you break it, you buy it" apply in liquor stores?
FOOTY Impossible soccer tricks [Double Viking]
I don't even know...
DON'T DO IT 7 Facebook photos that will get you defriended [Guyism]
Nothing screams downer quite like a black and white Emo Facebook picture.
ACCESS GRANTED 10 greatest secret levels in video game history [Dorkly]
Toe Jam & Earl Level 0, where all your childhood dreams came true.
TOONED 8 movie stars as animated characters [Next Movie]
It's perfectly normal to be attracted to cartoon Cameron Diaz. Right?
LADIES Alexandra gives six reasons you should watch J. Cole's new video [XXL Mag]
It just so happens that she is all six reasons.
PREMIERE Lil Wayne's "Inception"-inspired "6'7'" video [MTV]
You'll find Weezy somewhere in the fourth level of dreams.
BOARDS Setup: Torstein Horgmo [Alli Action]
He's strapped in tight to Nicole, which is the name of his snowboard.
LAFFS Dutch game show contestant has a dirty mind [BroBible]
I still can't figure out the correct answer.
STICKS The 7 deadly sins of gaming [Unreality]
Finally, someone recognizes Pac-Man for the overeating yellow circle that it is.
SPEED Jet pack plus skis equals 47 mph, and that's at half throttle [Urlesque]
"Meet you there in five minutes. I've just got to put on my jet pack and I'm out the door."
LADIES The 6 sexiest moments in recent advertising history [Smoking Jacket]
I want all of these products. It's that easy.
RIDES Infographic: The Death Star [Walyou]
For all your intergalactic death needs.
Photo: XXL Mag
That's really the great question that plagues our time, isn't it? What if Monoploy, the classic board game, were about internet memes instead of desolate Atlantic City thoroughfares? What if?! Urlesque has answered that question with this Memeopoly board game. As you can see, the most expensive properties are LOLcats and Rick Roll, and the least are meme newcomers Antoine Dodson and Double Rainbow guy. As with regular Monopoly, the yellow properties on Memeopoly are the best. Star Wars Kid, Grape Lady and Tron Guy? That's a meme all-star team if there ever was one.
Nothing sends me into a spittle-flying tizzy like hearing that a stockbroker made millions by betting for the total destruction of humanity. Michael Lewis, the author behind "The Blind Side" and the stunning economic curtain lifter "The Big Short," revealed on a recent "Colbert Report" that one of the character's in his shocking book about the collapse of the American markets has started buying nickels by the mega-ton. What's he’s going to do with $20 million in nickels? Go to the strip club and make it "hail"?
No, he's making an investment. He realized that the metal in the nickel is worth more than the actual nickel. And even though it's illegal to destroy currency, something tells me he can use his money to buy a lawyer who'll make a court force the Justice Department's attorneys to sing "I'm a Little Teapot" in their closing statements at his criminal trial.
Speaking of people who you wish you could throw out of a window, here's this week's weird game…
LADIES Buffy is into steak, tequila and dancing [Suicide Girls]
Just like your office's casual Friday.
RAWK Linkin Park's apocalyptic new video for "Burning In The Skies" [SPIN]
Time to get trippy.
MARVEL Deadpool covers are covers of covers [Unreality]
Time to get meta.
BIKES Valparaíso Cerro Abajo--urban dh race on ridiculous track [Bike Magazine]
Downhill helmet-cam FTW.
LIGHTSABERS "Star Wars: Return of the Geriatric" [The High Definite]
The only civilized way for senior citizens to resolve disputes.
SPEAKING OF LIGHTSABERS Quentin Tarantino's "Star Wars" [Double Viking]
Wait for it...
BILLBOARD 5 seconds of every No. 1 song ever [BuzzFeed]
College students: Do NOT turn this into a drinking game.
STICKS Xbox girls strike back [CollegeHumor]
Mostly funny with some scary imagery.
Photo: Suicide Girls
If you've ever been frightened or confused by a Lady Gaga outfit, rest assured that you're not alone. To assist you in dealing with the confusion, Paul from Paul's Ponderings has devised a new game that will help people decipher the difference between a Gaga outfit and various items found in a garbage dump. It's about as difficult as you'd imagine.
Unfortunately, this game won't assuage your fear of Gaga--in fact, it may only increase it. And it'll certainly make you ask yourself: What's up with this chick? We have a theory: Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj are engaged in an unspoken battle of freakish individuality that will only end when one of the boisterous babes takes a seat in an alien spacecraft with a papier-mâché clown riding shotgun and cardboard cutouts of hipster puppies in the background. Until then, they will continue to try to outdo each other with sartorial nonsense. In the meantime, you should have fun with Paul's game.
Here's some video of Lady Gaga talking about her crazy clothes.
Photo: Paul's Ponderings
If you've never had the pleasure of watching something you've spent years fantasizing about become a reality, you're about to. "Real Life Mario Kart!", from the brilliant video master Freddie Wong, is "Mario Kart," in real life!