Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Earlier this week, EA Sports celebrated the launch of "FIFA 14" by throwing a celebrity-filled party in New York City. We were on-hand (along with Drake and the NY Red Bulls soccer team) for some hands-on time with the game. Since multiplayer has specific codes to obey, we asked various attendees for tips on not competing like an a**hole.
1. No Gloating If You Win
...at least, not out loud. Red Bulls star midfielder Tim Cahill told us, "It's important to show some humility and respect for your opponent, whether they are behaving or not. If my boys beat me at the game, I make sure they don't parade around the house celebrating that they beat their dad."
2. No Quitting If You're Behind
You've gotta be graceful in defeat, according to NY Jets defenseman Leger Douzable. "I play with a lot of guys who get pissed off when something doesn't go their way and somehow try to turn the game off," he said. "Come on, man, keep playing and take the whooping. You can't be a sore loser when we play a game together, especially 'FIFA 14.'"
Fall is a magical time of year for sports fans -- football gets in full swing, hockey pucks start to fly, and let's not forget soccer. As if that weren't enough, the latest in sports video games are released. With killer graphics and much-improved multiplayer features, this year's roster will make you new friends both online and down the dorm room hall...
1. "Madden 25"
The namesake football title is back in its 25th year. With more realism than previous versions, "Madden 25" adds 30 new moves, allowing you to hit harder, juke quicker and stiff-arm your opponent without breaking a sweat. We especially liked the ability to follow your fantasy football league while in the game -- now there really isn't a reason for you to get off your ass on a Sunday.
There's a lot of debate about how women are depicted in the world of "Grand Theft Auto," specifically with the whole picking-up-prostitutes element. But maybe those ladies have more personality than the game itself suggests -- at least, that's what comedian Chet Siegel from Guyism imagines in this (NSFW) parody of newly released "GTA V." After watching it, you just might want to skip the solicitation and stick to other varieties of digital crime.
Gamers everywhere writhe in anticipation for the next "Grand Theft Auto." With every new trailer, tidbit and reveal, the wait for its release becomes even more aggravating. Our patience will be rewarded on September 17th, but until then, we have to make it through one last push. Here's a survivor's guide to keep you busy through the home stretch until you can let those e-streets know your name once again.
1. Make Time For Last Gen's Trifecta
Grab those PS2, Xbox or PC copies out of your closet and feel young again with "GTA III," "GTA: Vice City" and "GTA: San Andreas." The graphics and funky controls may put you off at first, but soon the games' chaotic, unfiltered spirit will recapture you. Five-star runs and hours of stupidity with cheat codes should occupy your attention span just fine.
2. Revel In The Physics Of "GTA IV"
Physics cause headaches in school, but yield unintentional comedy thanks to the Euphoria engine used for "GTA IV." It recreates real-world dynamics, but opens the floodgates for all kinds of nonsense. Put Niko through the paces via the game's secret jumps, hilarious rag doll effects and glitches.
Life is just like a video game: It's full of obstacles, bad guys, skills to be mastered and -- for those in the United States -- a sobering amount of gun violence. If you're looking to reboot your personal life, or just hoard plenty of coins, here are 8-bits (sorry) of advice on how gaming strategies can improve your life. For a heightened reading experience, please read while listening to Anamanaguchi.
1. Create A Custom Character
Think it's fun to select outfits for your fake wrestlers in "WWE '13"? Well, when people play dress-up in real life, it's called "fashion," and -- if you want a girlfriend or a lucrative job -- your appearance requires more thought and care than your XBOX Live avatar's. Be careful, though. Just like in video games, some people take customization a bit too far...
Calling Monopoly Empire the Jay Z of monopoly games sounds like a hyperbole, but it's more accurate than you'd think. HOVA changed the rap game and made it more fashionable for rappers to be entrepreneurs rather than gangstas. Empire is changing how you play Monopoly and making it so you can buy up corporations rather than real estate ... because, let's be real, who want to deal with real estate after the housing bubble burst?
What's everyone biggest complain with Monopoly? It takes way too damn long. I remember getting my first Monopoly set, playing it with my dad and loving it. However, my dad refused to ever play with me again. Took too damn long. Cut into his golfing time. The board game collected dust for years before being sent to Goodwill.
Monopoly Empire fixes that by speeding the game up significantly. We played two games in an hour. The most annoying thing is the set-up and figuring out the new rules, but once you get that down, it flies. But, don't just take my word for it.
If you went to San Diego Comic-Con a few weeks ago, you saw plenty of people dressed as video game characters. Usually, they just walk around the convention center and pose for photos. But then there's Chris Romwell, who took it to a whole other parkour level.
Romwell dressed up as the assassin from "Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag" and filmed himself running through crowded streets, climbing buildings, leaping over people, stealing drinks and climbing on board a pirate ship. There was a similar video released last year, but this one is even more amazing. Oh, there's also some hot pirate babes at the end. Do not try this at home, unless you are a ninja, which Romwell might be.
There's an illusion that dating a gamer girl is easy -- they're down-to-earth, into cool stuff -- but it's a delicate dance. Dating a gamer girl is especially tough when you're not a gamer. For the past two years, I've been the lucky boyfriend of SiruisXM's "Unlimited Lives" co-host Mary Iampietro. I don't play video games myself, but somehow we're making it work. Here's what you need to know to pull it off.
She's Not Your Bro
It's important to remember that this person is still your girlfriend. Sure, she's playing BioShock Infinite and eating tons of Twizzlers, but she's still a lady. That means she comes with feelings, likes to be told how pretty she is, and will hate all of your farts, even the really funny ones.
Let Her Play
You know that scene from "Mallrats" where Shannen Doherty is trying to get Jason Lee to stop playing NHL '94? You should learn from her character's mistake and let your girlfriend play video games in peace. (I'm the Shannen Doherty in this situation...and in a bunch more situations because of my graceful body type.)
Who says that video games are a waste of time? Everybody...well, everybody who thinks young people are lazy degenerates. But the truth is that video games can teach you plenty about succeeding in life. Here are just a few of the lessons you'll learn from all those hours playing Xbox, PlayStation and Wii U in your bro cave.
1. If at first you don't succeed...
Nobody beats a video game on the first try. Would you even want to play a game so easy that you never had any setbacks?
There's no "NBA 2K"-style rookie mode in the real world, but if you keep your goals in mind, you'll achieve 'em eventually.
2. Co-op beats going it alone
Video games are better with cooperative play. Helping friends triumph over "Halo" or "Borderlands 2" is ultimately more fun than kicking their asses at some fighting game.
The lesson here is that it's OK to depend on others. Acknowledge when you need help, whether you're stuck on a boss level or a homework assignment. Trying to handle matters on your own will just result in frustration and failure. You need a wingman, whether he's talking you up to girls at the bar or watching your back at "Double Dragon."
Back in the mid-'90s, "Street Fighter II" was the most popular video game around, and it spawned countless imitators...perhaps none more infamous than Shaq's "Shaq-Fu," which pitted the basketball legend against various supernatural monsters from another dimension. Which actually sounds awesome in theory, but not so much in execution.
Making a sequel would be as ludicrous as making a sequel to "Kazaam," but Shaq has registered a trademark for something called "Shaqfighter." What the hell is this? Could it possibly be a long-awaited (by nobody) follow-up? Geekosystem is on the case...