Posted 4/22/13 12:00 pm EST by Kara Klenk in Funny
Photo: Magazines.com
They say the magazine industry is struggling, but these publications (like "Crappie World" above) cater to very specific hobbies and continue to pump out new issues...even if we can't believe they're actually chilling on someone's coffee table.
Photo: girlsandcorpses.com
Posted 4/18/13 5:00 pm EST by Aaron Goldfarb in Funny, Photos
Photo: Anheuser-Busch
Instead of spending time and effort on crafting a good, you know, product, the giant corporate American breweries seem obsessed with gimmicky vessels from which to drink their fizzy yellow stuff. First, you had Coors Light bottles that changed colors to let you know when they were cold (impossible to judge otherwise). Then, Miller Light came out with cans you could puncture with a key to (unofficially, ahem) aid in reckless chugging.
This week, Budweiser proved why it's indeed the King of Beers with a coup de grace: a new can shaped like the iconic bow-tie logo. That bit of marketing genius made us wonder: What other products might also benefit from the shape of their company's logos?
Posted 4/18/13 11:00 am EST by Aaron Goldfarb in Funny
Credit: Yunus Arakon
It makes perfect sense to post certain things to Facebook and Twitter. A new job, a relationship change, even a funny article (like this one...hmmm) will interest the people you know. But lately, society has been taking social media way too far. It'd be oversharing to tell ANYONE these things, let alone the entire internet.
Every adult has to file taxes. You're not unique just because you did your duty before April 15th--congratulations, you obeyed the law--and tweeting out your tax return "triumph" most certainly will not prevent an IRS audit. Well, maybe it would've for Lauryn Hill.
Posted 4/17/13 12:00 pm EST by Aaron Goldfarb in Food, Funny, Ladies
Credit: Mehmet Salih Guler/Getty Images
"Hey, you wanna grab a bite?" is a great way to keep a date's momentum going at the bar. Unfortunately, bar food is the least sexy cuisine out there. Girls, we want you to enjoy yourselves, but there's no way to look attractive while eating these snacks...
So heaped with piles of chili, salsa, sour cream and oozing orange cheese that you can only spot the faintest edges of the corn chips underneath. It's gonna be difficult to delicately insert your just-mani'ed fingernails into that morass.
Eating wings correctly is an animalistic feat of stripping chicken flesh from a teeny tiny bone, then discarding the viscera back onto your plate. How ladylike. That coating of nuclear red sauce now smeared around your mouth isn't exactly our favorite shade of lipstick either.
Posted 4/17/13 11:00 am EST by Charlie Kasov in Funny
Credit: Justin Sullivan/Getty Images
Any product that a billion people use should be profitable...except Facebook. So they keep tinkering with the format, desperately trying to find the perfect balance between usability (for us) and raking in cash (for them). What they don't seem to realize is that they're slowly becoming the laughingstock of the internet--the kid in high school who tries too hard to fit in, but he's rich and throws the best house parties. You don't stop hanging out with that kid, but you sure as hell trash him with your friends behind his back.
Facebook used to be cool, but here are five reasons it's becoming an internet loser.
Last year, Facebook decided that if a business wants posts to reach all of its followers, it has to pay. Otherwise, the post only reaches about 20% of the followers. What sucks about this is that businesses often post when they're offering free and discounted stuff: Donuts, whiskey shots, samurai swords...we don't know your likes. Sure, businesses should have to pay to advertise, but we like knowing where to get swag.
Facebook hates the mobile platform because they still can't figure out how to make money off of it. We hate it because it crashes all the time, you still can't tag events on it and the new chat function for iOS is dumber than a car that only locks from the outside.
Posted 4/16/13 1:00 pm EST by RG Daniels in Funny, News, Sports
Credit: Getty Images
ESPN recently reported the International Olympic Committee is mulling over the idea of three-on-three hoops. We lit up at the possibility and immediately put together our dream teams of three. Of course, we could take the easy way out and simply break down Team USA or pair them with their NBA teammates, but WHAT FUN IS THAT? Instead, we worked with a few simple rules:
#1: No member of (what we will assume will be) Team USA can compete in three-on-three. Yep, sorry LeBron and D-Wade--you manipulated NBA free agency, but you will not control the entire universe of b-ball.
#2: They have to be American or from their country of origin. We avoided such traps as putting together a Lithuanian team of three 'cause let's face it, if we did, you wouldn't even read past this sentence.
#3: We ignored positions and just slapped together three players according to how we see them fitting together. We barely paid attention to their skills at all, instead focusing ont their looks, situations, personalities, etc.
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Posted 4/15/13 6:15 pm EST by Ryan McKee in Funny, The Show, Video
Jon Gabrus may look like a burly lumberjack, but he's a geek at heart. And one of his biggest nerd passions is "Game of Thrones." Since he's always willing to wax poetic about his (second) favorite show (after "Guy Code"), we asked him to do it in front of a webcam and gives us a short recap of each week's episode, with the Most Guy Code Moment as the kicker.
Last night's show was a perfect time to start. From a fiery farewell to a distinguished lord to Podrick Payne's roll with four circus performer-like prostitutes, it is an uber-manly episode to be sure. But what is the most Guy Code moment? Watch the video above to find out.
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Posted 4/15/13 4:00 pm EST by Kara Klenk in Funny
Credit: Associated Press
It can be hard to rock a badass hairstyle, especially when you add factors beyond your control like baldness, cowlicks and apathy. Sure, Johnny Depp can pull off the long, unwashed look, and Brad Pitt nails the unkempt beard/butt-cut combo, but you're probably not them. Here are some hair choices for most guys to avoid.
Credit: Bravo/Getty Images
Girls don't want to run their fingers through your hair and suffer a laceration. Taking pride in your appearance is one thing; spending hours in front of the mirror working on your locks is narcissistic personality disorder.
Posted 4/15/13 2:00 pm EST by RG Daniels in Celebs, Funny
Credit: Erika Goldring/Getty Images
Howard Stern is the self-proclaimed King of All Media. This was a title he anointed himself before the internet exploded, but we don't deny his success. In fact, if we had to sculpt a Mount Rushmore of Guy Code, rest assured, Stern's mug would be right on there. But we browsed through the list of people Stern follows on Twitter, and (like with Sylvester Stallone) couldn't help raising our eyebrows. Showbiz makes for strange bedfellows...
Quinn was one of the first MTV hires, back in the era when VJ's ruled the network. She'd intro videos by Duran Duran, A Flock of Seagulls and other '80s acts with hair that could stab birds mid-flight. On Twitter, Quinn sticks to her guns, tweeting about music most of us don't remember. We can only assume Stern follows her 'cause of the music news?
Sample tweet:
Ever notice how the bass on Nena's 99 Red Balloons is like...super funky?!?
— Martha Quinn (@MarthaQuinn) April 9, 2013
Posted 4/15/13 12:00 pm EST by Neal Stastny in Funny
Credit: Justin Sullivan/Getty Images
Sure, it's a tough job market for students graduating from college--many of them face a choice between flipping burgers and moving back in with their parents--but quit whining! Throughout history, there have been way tougher occupations. Do you really want to get paid to eat food off corpses? Or steal them for aspiring surgeons? Take that unpaid internship and get over yourself, 'cause you don't have it as bad as these guys did.
Before the nineteenth century in England, people wanted to make sure that their family members were absolved of sins after death. So, in a cleansing ritual, they'd place a crust of bread on the corpse's chest, which would supposedly absorb the deceased's sins, and then hire a sin-eater to consume it. Not only did sin-eaters make a quick buck for ingesting all that evil, they also got a free meal. Not a bad gig!
"Janitor" isn't considered a cushy job today, but it's definitely an improvement over the gong farmer of Tudor England. Before modern plumbing, gong farmers shoveled piles of human waste from cesspits, and transported those piles outside the town. If you showed a picture of a toilet to a gong farmer, he'd cry tears of joy over its sheer beauty.
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