Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Rappers are awesome. We know this. But whom you dub as your favorite says a lot about your personality. Using some of the most notable rappers in the game, we've broken down what each says about you, complete with our own ratings scale. This sh*t is scientific.
Warning: You may want to show these results to your therapist before sharing with your boys and/or girlfriend.
Credit: Getty Images/David Becker
Emo Level: 10 Anger Level: 3 Player Level: 9
So your favorite rapper is Drake. That means you're the most likely person in your crew to break into song and you probably tear-up at emotional commercials. While emotional, you also have commitment issues and probably choose strippers over your high school sweetheart.
You must smoke a lot and have a lot of nicknames, right? That's OK, because so does your favorite rapper Snoop. From being called Snoop Doggy Dogg to Snoop Dogg to Snoop Lion and now Snoopzilla, Snoop's personality changes ever so slightly with his name. If Snoop is your fave, you have identity issues but you also get a lot of chicks. Read More...
Our drinking buddies (and procrastination-enablers) at Cracked just released their second book, "The De-Text Book," which busts myth after myth that you probably believe. And since porn teaches guys plenty of misconceptions about sex, here's an excerpt to keep you from mistaking fantasy for reality, unless your sex life is way crazier than ours.
Depending on where you live, sex education in school can range from "Put this condom on a banana" to "There is no such thing as sex; any mention of such will result in immediate expulsion and enrollment on the sex offender registry." Meaning that for most modern teens, their first actual look at sex will come one of two ways: (1) from watching Internet porn or (2) from walking in on Mom and Dad, who didn't know school was only a half day today and took the opportunity to start humping on the sofa. The same sofa where you and your brother sit and play video games, and where you place your cookie between bites.
Obviously, the former provides much more explicit information about the actual mechanism of sex than the latter (unless you had one of those weird dads who, instead of yelling and covering up, just made cold, unblinking eye contact and kept going). This means that millions of nervous young folks are engaging in their first sexual encounter with only porn to guide their expectations. Well, we have good news and bad news...
The last thing you want is for your sex life to suffer because you have a seasonal job in leaf management. But how are you supposed to impress women when you're sporting a loud blower backpack that's filled with gasoline? Use your words! You might have to yell them over an idling motor, but these leaf blower pick-up lines are sure to work that humming Husqvarna to your advantage.
1. "You look beautiful on the leafless lawn that I created using power tools."
2. "Does it frighten you that I control the winds, like a god?"
3. "With great power comes great responsibility. That is why I choose not to Marilyn Monroe your skirt. I'm a gentleman."
4. "These hearing protection muffs remind me of my time in the studio with Aerosmith."
5. "Here, let me blow that eyelash out of your eye, at point blank range."
6. "Excuse me, is this pine cone bothering you? Do you need me to blow it straight to hell?"
You have just a few days left to pick out a Halloween costume and, thus, you might be fretting. What the hell to be?! Well, whether you come up with something completely original, or wear these lame costumes like every other dork, it doesn't really matter.
No, on Halloween night -- for those of us over 21 -- what matters most is optimizing our costumes for pure drink-ability. Follow these tips, so you won't be the guy who has to remove his costume to actually enjoy the costume party.
1. No Mask
Sorry, but you aren't going to be able to wear that goofy Obama mask you picked out. Sure, part of the fun of Halloween is covering your face so no one knows who you are. More fun? Being able to drink without snaking a beer bottle between the tiny rubber mouth slit of your mask every time you want a sip.
2. Minimal Face Paint
OK, you really want to cover up your ugly mug, but the mask is out. Some face paint should do the trick, but use it sparingly. Too much, and we'll have a total mess on our hands. No one wants to see the sad clown dripping greasy red tears into his vodka.
Halloween's coming and there's nothing more fun than going to an awesome haunted house with your crew or a date. (She'll leap into your heroic arms!) But some houses are just haunted with low-budget cheesiness. Here are a few things to look for to make sure your major night out isn't a major bust.
1. Instead of actors dressed as zombies, they just bus folks in from nursing homes.
2. The fake blood smells like tomatoes, and the floor is littered with half-opened ketchup packets.
As guys, we pride ourselves on holding nothing back. If we have a funny thought, why shouldn't it come out of our mouths? And wouldn't that "I Have A.D.D. (A Delicious D*ck)" T-shirt be a total hit at the party? The thing is, while your boys respect your utter lack of tact, you've gotta tone it down a notch around ladies. A little honesty goes a long way, so check out a couple dozen ridiculous pics of dudes who could use a lesson in subtlety...
Is it acceptable to dress as "Undead James Gandolfini" for Halloween this year? (Or, for that matter, the zombie version of a recently dead celebrity in any year?) Great question! Let's break it down...
If you're the schlubby type, then you've probably long idolized Gandolfini. His gut had gravitas. He had manboobs and they were beautiful. And now he's gone, much too soon. There could be no "sexy James Gandolfini" costume -- his animal magnetism doesn't need to be dolled up or stripped down.
Now, does this zombie costume honor the departed? Sure. He's currently starring in a film playing in theaters. Large chunks of the general public might not even recall his death. We have short memories. And don't forget that his most beloved character exists in a weird purgatory, as fans continue to debate what really happened in that Jersey diner.
All this to say, it's a good costume idea if you're obese, or if you enjoy stuffing pillows down your shirt. The undead angle taps into our cultural zombie obsession, making the costume at least twice as topical for Halloween. Hopefully somebody out there pulls it off, but it won't be easy. Don't stop believin'.
The most exciting thing about first dates is that, in a few short hours, there are millions of ways you can make a complete fool out of yourself. An infinite number, really. Your mouth is your worst enemy, so shut up and let her talk, or else you're liable to...
1. Open with how much you love three-ways.
2. Tell her she looks just like your mom, in a totally sexy way.
3. She complains about her friends. You loudly agree they all sound like horrible people.
He's the insufferable hothead who always starts fights and then drags you into them. We all have belligerent friends like this, but unfortunately we lack Iceman's ability to make 'em chill the f**k out.
Fans don't remember "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" as the series' proudest moment, but it does have one redeeming quality: Liev Schreiber's take on Victor Creed, Wolverine's sadistic half-brother. You'd never want to turn your back on Sabretooth, 'cause he'd stab it with those massive, razor-sharp fingernails. Which breaks Guy Code in two ways: A) utter disloyalty and B) improper grooming.
You'd think the X-Men's archenemy would be the biggest Guy Code offender on this list. However, the master of magnetism upholds the Code by looking out for his peeps. Sure, he doesn't have to be such a dick about it -- y'know, trying to kill all humans -- but at least his overzealous actions are based on principle. Plus, Michael Fassbender revenge-killing Nazis in "X-Men: First Class" is even more satisfying than "Inglourious Basterds." Read More...
Who knew that something called the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion Pepper would be so spicy?
In this episode of "Why Would You Eat That? Challenge," Ron Babcock and Michael Truly challenge two of their comedian friends, Chris Fairbanks and Jordan Morris, to eat the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion Pepper. To give you some idea of how spicy this pepper is, jalapeno peppers measure about 8,000 Scoville Units (the official unit of spiciness) whereas the scorpion pepper measures around 2,000,000. That's about as much as pepper spray.
Because Babcock and Truly are nice guys, they gave Fairbanks and Morris access to a treasure chest full of yogurt, water and other treats that can counteract the pepper's effects. The only problem is that the treasure chest is locked, and Fairbanks and Morris need to find the right key to open it. There's something incredibly funny about watching two grown men scream for Greek yogurt.