Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
It's the most mo-magical time of the year: Movember! Whether you're a first-time grower or a longtime sporter, chances are you're already rocking it like a pro -- so why not go all the way? Here's how to transition from casual mustache enthusiast to full-fledged professional.
1. Register For A Mustache Beauty Pageant
Held in Portland, Oregon, The World Beard And Moustache Championships (yeah, they spell it "Moustache") is where the planet's facial hair heavyweights gather to vie for the title of world's greatest mustache. The 2014 games will be held in September, so you have almost a year to prepare.
2. Choose A Category
The mustache and beard game is all about finding your niche. Are you a "Hungarian" (big and bushy, hair extending outward) or a "Dali" (slender with the tips curled upward)? Choosing the specific Championships category you'd like to enter will start you on the path to facial art success. It will also allow you to work on a persona that best showcases your type of mustache.
You don't want to be the guy who lazily keeps his Christmas decorations up 'til spring, just like you don't want a rotting, festering jack-o-lantern on your front porch after Halloween. Either make a delicious pie out of that thing, or find a way to dispose of it. And if you're anything like YouTube user Hickok45, a trigger-happy weapons enthusiast who lives on some kind of rural "compound" with more tools of death than the average World War requires, then tossing your gourd into the garbage just ain't gonna cut it.
Each year, Mr. Hickok breaks out his ludicrous arsenal (and the occasional oddity like the anvil above) for a lethal demonstration on a bunch of innocent pumpkins, which he claims to despise. Never offer this guy a pumpkin spice latte. Watch one of his videos below, and then click over to the "Tosh.0" blog for a bunch more pumpkin punishment:
You don't want to rush sweater season. Sure, some August nights run cool, but then halfway through your second beer pong game, you're sweating and getting itchy. Then the brand new, back-to-school wool jumper winds up either balled in the corner or, God forbid, tied around the waist or neck.
But with pumpkins on every stoop and in every coffee, smoke puffing from every chimney and the smell of death gathering in every pile of leaves, it's safe to say that sweater weather has finally arrived. Here's how to survive this bleak stretch of gray days with style, grace and distinction.
What To Avoid
Credit: Getty Images
You'll want to steer clear of anything with a floppy neck, turtle or otherwise, unless you're going for the falling-out-of-the-birth-canal look. Also, avoid those wool ponchos that could double as a rug to roll up mob hits. That's soccer mom stuff.
Fathers have always passed on little tidbits of advice to their sons -- to respect women, how to change the oil in a car and so on. But it's 2013 and ripe time dads update their tips to include some modern guidance:
1. How to clear your Internet search history.
2. Never put your iPhone on shuffle at a party.
3. Always carry extra batteries around in case a woman needs to light her e-cigarette.
Today is all about scary sights, but you might also hear some scary sounds, like the groans of a wicked spirit haunting your apartment or more likely your roommate's wicked hangover. (Hey, the Red Sox won -- we had to throw a couple "wickeds" in there.) That's why GIF Code is here to help you distinguish between a black cat's unlucky meow, a sexy black cat's very lucky meow and all the other inexplicable noises of October 31st.
Now that October is over, it's time for the month of Movember. No, that's not a typo -- it's a month-long event for which men grow mustaches to raise awareness about prostate cancer and other male health issues. The idea is that people will ask you why you're growing a mustache, and then you tell them all about Movember and what it means.
But what if you can't grow a mustache or it just looks terrible? Don't worry, here are a few other antiquated things you can do that will get people to ask, "Why are you doing that?" Then you can also help raise awareness about these very serious issues.
1. Wear A Zoot Suit
Credit: Douglas Miller/Getty Images
Between the high-waisted, wide-legged pants and jackets with oversize lapels and padded shoulders, zoot suits are completely ridiculous. They haven't really been popular since the 1940s, so this should be a perfect substitute if you can't grow facial hair. There's no way that you can wear this for a month without people asking questions.
When a storm knocks out your electricity and running water, or when a zombie apocalypse forces you to live on an abandoned farm in the middle of nowhere, you need to know how to survive. You've seen plenty of survivalist shows that teach you manly things like hunting and building a tent out of bear crap, but what if no girls are around to do the cooking and cleaning?
No Navy SEAL or Delta Force commando would ever call that stuff "girly," because if it needs to be done to survive, then it needs to be done by whomever is available. If you don't learn these skills, then you won't be much of a man in an emergency situation.
Dudes pride ourselves on our ability to fix broken things...except for things like buttons, of course. For most of us, the closest we ever come to sewing is untangling the wires behind the entertainment system. Holes in clothing might be hip in times of peace, but if you're trying to stay warm in the middle of a war-torn winter, then you need to know how to patch those holes up quickly.
2. Cleaning Clothes
Most guys know how to throw our stank clothing into a washer and dryer and press start on both machines, but usually only girls know how to wash their clothes in a sink. And if you lose electricity for awhile, that sink is your only option.
Since tomorrow is Halloween, it's well past time you designed and decorated your own pumpkin. We already showed you "The Laziest Pumpkin Carvings For Halloween," and now it's time for the opposite end of the gourd quality spectrum. A well-carved pumpkin can only benefit you. We're not saying that it'll get you laid, but it just might tip the scales in your favor against all the other guys in Walter White costumes who didn't carve a pumpkin. Even if your knife skills aren't much, you can still admire these works of art.
Happy "Girl Code" Season Two Premiere Day. We know this is the Guy Code Blog and some of our readers get upset when we talk "Girl Code," but guys should stop complaining and just watch the show. The cast gives you first-person insight into the frustrating enigma that is the female mind. You're getting free insider-trading knowledge and it's not illegal.
To kick off Season Two, we invited the First Couple of the Code, Chris Distefano and Carly Aquilino, on the "Guy Code Podcast." Ryan Ling and Ryan McKee talk to them about growing up in New York, their standup comedy careers and how they met. Chris tells us about his TV debut, which was not on MTV, but on the SNY network hosting the 2010 Fencing Masters (see below video for proof). Carly talks about how her life has been since "Girl Code" premiered and how much she loves the fans (except for the ones who get creepy). They both finish out the show by answering your questions from Twitter and Facebook.
Subscribe via iTunes and if you have a few minutes, please review the show on iTunes. We always love your feedback.
Rappers are awesome. We know this. But whom you dub as your favorite says a lot about your personality. Using some of the most notable rappers in the game, we've broken down what each says about you, complete with our own ratings scale. This sh*t is scientific.
Warning: You may want to show these results to your therapist before sharing with your boys and/or girlfriend.
Credit: Getty Images/David Becker
Emo Level: 10 Anger Level: 3 Player Level: 9
So your favorite rapper is Drake. That means you're the most likely person in your crew to break into song and you probably tear-up at emotional commercials. While emotional, you also have commitment issues and probably choose strippers over your high school sweetheart.
You must smoke a lot and have a lot of nicknames, right? That's OK, because so does your favorite rapper Snoop. From being called Snoop Doggy Dogg to Snoop Dogg to Snoop Lion and now Snoopzilla, Snoop's personality changes ever so slightly with his name. If Snoop is your fave, you have identity issues but you also get a lot of chicks. Read More...