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Chris Distefano and Carly Aquilino are both native New Yorkers, both standup comics, both "Girl Code" cast-members and both share the same bed. On "Guy Code," Chris has been an open book, telling us about how he lost his virginity, making fun of his own faux hawk and introducing us to his mom (aka roommate). However, we figured there still has to be some embarrassing things we don't know about him. Once we got her alone, Carly was happy to tell us.
Plus, we asked them both how they met and got two different stories. Watch the video below for a funny "Guy Code" versus "Girl Code" example of "he said, she said."
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Last week, we reached out to you on Twitter to find out what you'd ask a member of the Illuminati if given the opportunity. Through a series of complicated sources and connections we were able to send those questions to "Dave," who refused to explain how he became a member, but proved it by setting up a 2013 MTV Movie Award win for Martin Freeman in the Best Hero category. We didn't ask him to do it, but he said he "was tired of 'The Avengers'" winning everything.
Here are Dave's answers to your questions. Be sure to follow us on Twitter for future Q&A sessions with Dave.
We are not an "organization" and people do not have "jobs" with us. We are an all-encompassing circle of control that can hot-wire your thoughts and make you send pornographic e-mails to your grandparents. Sometimes for fun, we invent a new animal just to see if people can figure out how to kill it. So no, you cannot "get a job" with us, but here is a link to a place where you can: www.KMart.com Read More...
They say the magazine industry is struggling, but these publications (like "Crappie World" above) cater to very specific hobbies and continue to pump out new issues...even if we can't believe they're actually chilling on someone's coffee table.
1. Girls & Corpses
Instead of spending time and effort on crafting a good, you know, product, the giant corporate American breweries seem obsessed with gimmicky vessels from which to drink their fizzy yellow stuff. First, you had Coors Light bottles that changed colors to let you know when they were cold (impossible to judge otherwise). Then, Miller Light came out with cans you could puncture with a key to (unofficially, ahem) aid in reckless chugging.
This week, Budweiser proved why it's indeed the King of Beers with a coup de grace: a new can shaped like the iconic bow-tie logo. That bit of marketing genius made us wonder: What other products might also benefit from the shape of their company's logos?
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It makes perfect sense to post certain things to Facebook and Twitter. A new job, a relationship change, even a funny article (like this one...hmmm) will interest the people you know. But lately, society has been taking social media way too far. It'd be oversharing to tell ANYONE these things, let alone the entire internet.
1. You Paid Your Taxes
Every adult has to file taxes. You're not unique just because you did your duty before April 15th--congratulations, you obeyed the law--and tweeting out your tax return "triumph" most certainly will not prevent an IRS audit. Well, maybe it would've for Lauryn Hill.
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"Hey, you wanna grab a bite?" is a great way to keep a date's momentum going at the bar. Unfortunately, bar food is the least sexy cuisine out there. Girls, we want you to enjoy yourselves, but there's no way to look attractive while eating these snacks...
So heaped with piles of chili, salsa, sour cream and oozing orange cheese that you can only spot the faintest edges of the corn chips underneath. It's gonna be difficult to delicately insert your just-mani'ed fingernails into that morass.
2. Buffalo Wings
Eating wings correctly is an animalistic feat of stripping chicken flesh from a teeny tiny bone, then discarding the viscera back onto your plate. How ladylike. That coating of nuclear red sauce now smeared around your mouth isn't exactly our favorite shade of lipstick either.
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Any product that a billion people use should be profitable...except Facebook. So they keep tinkering with the format, desperately trying to find the perfect balance between usability (for us) and raking in cash (for them). What they don't seem to realize is that they're slowly becoming the laughingstock of the internet--the kid in high school who tries too hard to fit in, but he's rich and throws the best house parties. You don't stop hanging out with that kid, but you sure as hell trash him with your friends behind his back.
Facebook used to be cool, but here are five reasons it's becoming an internet loser.
1. Post Throttling
Last year, Facebook decided that if a business wants posts to reach all of its followers, it has to pay. Otherwise, the post only reaches about 20% of the followers. What sucks about this is that businesses often post when they're offering free and discounted stuff: Donuts, whiskey shots, samurai swords...we don't know your likes. Sure, businesses should have to pay to advertise, but we like knowing where to get swag.
2. The Mobile App Sucks
Facebook hates the mobile platform because they still can't figure out how to make money off of it. We hate it because it crashes all the time, you still can't tag events on it and the new chat function for iOS is dumber than a car that only locks from the outside.
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ESPN recently reported the International Olympic Committee is mulling over the idea of three-on-three hoops. We lit up at the possibility and immediately put together our dream teams of three. Of course, we could take the easy way out and simply break down Team USA or pair them with their NBA teammates, but WHAT FUN IS THAT? Instead, we worked with a few simple rules:
#1: No member of (what we will assume will be) Team USA can compete in three-on-three. Yep, sorry LeBron and D-Wade--you manipulated NBA free agency, but you will not control the entire universe of b-ball.
#2: They have to be American or from their country of origin. We avoided such traps as putting together a Lithuanian team of three 'cause let's face it, if we did, you wouldn't even read past this sentence.
#3: We ignored positions and just slapped together three players according to how we see them fitting together. We barely paid attention to their skills at all, instead focusing ont their looks, situations, personalities, etc.
Jon Gabrus may look like a burly lumberjack, but he's a geek at heart. And one of his biggest nerd passions is "Game of Thrones." Since he's always willing to wax poetic about his (second) favorite show (after "Guy Code"), we asked him to do it in front of a webcam and gives us a short recap of each week's episode, with the Most Guy Code Moment as the kicker.
Last night's show was a perfect time to start. From a fiery farewell to a distinguished lord to Podrick Payne's roll with four circus performer-like prostitutes, it is an uber-manly episode to be sure. But what is the most Guy Code moment? Watch the video above to find out.
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It can be hard to rock a badass hairstyle, especially when you add factors beyond your control like baldness, cowlicks and apathy. Sure, Johnny Depp can pull off the long, unwashed look, and Brad Pitt nails the unkempt beard/butt-cut combo, but you're probably not them. Here are some hair choices for most guys to avoid.
1. Using More Product Than Your Girlfriend
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Girls don't want to run their fingers through your hair and suffer a laceration. Taking pride in your appearance is one thing; spending hours in front of the mirror working on your locks is narcissistic personality disorder.