Posted 4/26/13 1:00 pm EST by RG Daniels in Funny, Sports
Everybody knows Dennis Rodman. Throughout an illustrious playing career he won five rings and crashed the boards harder than Vince and Owen crash weddings. After retiring, "The Worm" remained in the spotlight with publicity stunts as tame as marrying Carmen Electra, and as crazy as buddying up with a North korean dictator. There was no one else we could think of to present a series of memes trash talking the NBA Playoffs. Ladies and gentleman, Dennis Rodman talks sh*t about the NBA Playoffs.
Posted 4/25/13 3:00 pm EST by Marty Beckerman in Funny
Photo: Parker County Police
If a stranger entered your home at 1:45 a.m. without any clothes on, you'd normally call 911 pronto. But we'd make an exception for 25-year-old Sara Elizabeth Soto, whom Texas authorities accuse of breaking into a house through a doggy door early Tuesday.
The married homeowners (yeah, tough s*** for the dude) heard movement and assumed an animal had gotten through, since they don't own a pet. But no, it was just allegedly Soto--at 4'11", one inch away from little person territory--who'd removed her black dress, climbed through the hole (damaging it in the process) and then plopped in a bathtub.
Soto only wanted to make a phone call, according to police, because obviously all bathtubs are equipped with landlines. She's now facing charges for criminal trespass and mischief. The husband also faced charges of "mischief" from his wife, we're guessing.
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Posted 4/25/13 1:55 pm EST by Sean Green in Funny, Sports
Credit: Al Bello / Getty Images
On paper the NFL draft sounds exciting--football, jerseys, Rodger Goodell getting booed! In actuality, it kinda drags on. Like most boring things, however, the NFL draft is much more entertaining with booze. It's time to trash those mock drafts, settle into your war room and prepare your team ("team" meaning "liver") for our drinking game, "You Make The Call."
First prepare the Draft Board. Find a table with ample space for a beer pong cup, a quarters game, flip cup and a center community cup. (TRUST US, WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING!) Next, split up the teams evenly between the people playing. You can do this by division, favorite teams or--if it's just two of you and you're real men--conferences.
Lastly, choose your own adventure...
When one of your teams is on the clock, so are you. You have to either make a beer pong shot, bounce a quarter in a glass or achieve a flip cup before your team makes their pick. If you miss a beer pong shot, your friend can move it to a different spot on the table. Miss a quarter shot, the glass gets moved an inch away. Miss a flip cup, fill it up and try again. Achieve your goal before your team picks...or chug the community cup!
Posted 4/25/13 12:50 pm EST by Aaron Goldfarb in Funny, Ladies
Credit: Image Source
You're trying to enjoy an evening out with the guys when you see them: A group of women squealing and downing fruity drinks, dressed in coordinated t-shirts and hot pink boas, with one girl wearing a tiara. Oh s**t, it's a bachelorette party!
These dreadful chicks can easily ruin your night of drinking, so it's best if you know how to respond.
This might prove near impossible, since they're already making so much noise that you can barely think. Plus, they're all climbing up on the bar, dancing to '80s music and sipping drinks through penis-shaped straws. If you can't ignore them, at least throw some other '80s music on the jukebox--by which we mean, early Metallica.
But, seriously, why even put up with them? Do you really want to spend your Saturday night in the same bar where a completely wasted girl is spending her last weekend single? On second thought…pass that penis straw, this could get interesting.
Posted 4/25/13 11:55 am EST by Neal Stastny in Funny, Sports
Credit: Chris Trotman/Getty Images
Today's NFL draft finally gives football fans a welcome respite from languishing in boredom since the end of last season. For many of us, the outcome of this draft will determine our happiness levels for the next several years. If your team selects the next Peyton Manning, you can eagerly anticipate multiple playoff appearances. If your team picks the next Ryan Leaf, get ready to spend countless Sundays screaming at the TV with white-hot rage.
Only time can tell us which players will rise to the top, but there's one thing we can judge them on immediately...their style. Sure, it might not correlate to success on the field, but draft day style has been a low moment for many NFL players.
Credit: Richard Schultz/Getty Images
JaMarcus Russell wasn't the first (and won't be the last) player to wear an all-black suit/shirt/tie combo, but it always sets a tone about as depressing as Russell's career.
Posted 4/24/13 4:30 pm EST by Aaron Goldfarb in Celebs, Funny
Credit: Getty Images
Yesterday's hacking of the Associated Press Twitter account resulted in a tweet they'd clearly never send, which temporarily hurt the stock market. But sometimes on Twitter, you can't be sure whether a hacker is at fault...or just a celebrity. Here are a few notable tweeters who, on a day-to-day basis, always seem like they've been hacked.
The former MLB star and braggadocios steroid user is straight trolling the world via his Twitter account. Surely he's just trying to get a reaction from all of us, what with frequent tweets about kooky scientific theories, "Twilight"-esque fan fiction starring himself and weird Donald Trump-inspired dragon artwork. Is this the online footprint of a 'roided-up madman...or a comedic mad genius?
Credit: @JoseCanseco
Posted 4/24/13 10:00 am EST by Brett Smiley in Funny, Photos, Sports
Photo: ESPN
Midway through Detroit starting pitcher Max Scherzer's third outing of the season, we noticed that the big hurler looks a bit like one of our favorite '90s cartoon characters: Doug Funnie from "Doug." (It has nothing to do with Scherzer's heterochromia, because Doug's eyes are merely black dots.)
He's not the only MLB pitcher with an animated lookalike. We think it's because MLB pitchers are a very diverse bunch with players of all shapes and sizes. There's fat guys, skinny guys, ugly guys and dorky guys. Check out the roster.
Photo: Getty Images
Posted 4/23/13 3:00 pm EST by Marty Beckerman in Funny, News
Credit: Getty Images
Koalas, they're just like us...by which we mean they should probably use condoms ("kondoms"?) more often. Sure, they might seem like cuddly teddy bears come to life--actually, they're marsupials--but these depraved nymphomaniacs are walking, eucalyptus-chewing STD factories. About half of them have chlamydia, truly a shocking statistic to anyone who's never pledged a fraternity or sorority on campus.
Yeah, it's funny until you realize that koala chlamydia doesn't just make pissing burn; it's a fatal disease that's decimating their numbers, as is a deadly retrovirus called KoRV. In some parts of Australia, 40% of koalas have died off. In other parts, it's 80%. They've become an endangered species 'cause they can't keep it in their pants/pouches.
Fortunately, scientists might be on the path to a cure. Researchers at the Queensland University of Technology recently announced a "holy grail" genetic discovery that could represent "a major step forward in understanding and controlling diseases in this species." But they still have to map 8,000 out of 20,000 koala genes at a cost of $5.2 million. And even if they can save koalas from STD-induced extinction, nobody can save koalas from banging their own family members.
So, anyway, aren't these adorable rascals just, like, super cute?
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Posted 4/23/13 12:00 pm EST by Kara Klenk in Funny, Ladies
Credit: Sports Illustrated
We all know that boobs are awesome, so why are there so many lame slang terms for them? The ladies of "Girl Code" will discuss the magic of mammaries on tonight's premiere, so here are a few nicknames for "the girls" that real girls are not into--you might refer to 'em this way with your friends, but don't even think about it in the bedroom...
You sound like a baby just learning to speak, who can't quite pronounce the word so your mom came up with an easier version. Get rid of it, and the same goes for "teetees."
Cantaloupes, honeydews, grapefruits…we get it, they're all spherical. But comparing our bodies to grocery produce isn't exactly a turn-on.
This makes boobs sound like they're attractions at a carnival, rather than actually attached to a living person that you probably want to make out with.
We're talking about boobs...why are testicles being thrown into the mix? It's pretty much unanimous that boobs are WAY better than balls, right? This word combo has got to go.
Posted 4/22/13 5:00 pm EST by Ryan McKee in Funny, Video
If you're a "Game of Thrones" geek like Jon Gabrus, last night's episode is what you've been waiting to see. Let's get the dragons attacking. Let's get an army for Daenerys Targaryen, so she can start kicking ass. And let's remember just how hardcore the ladies in this series are. It's almost like HBO knew MTV's "Girl Code" is premiering this week, because they scheduled one of the most kickass girls' episode yet.
In the above video, Gabrus gives a short recap of this week's episode with the Most Guy Code Moment as the kicker. If you watched the episode, you can already guess who wins his highest praise.
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