Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
One thing's for sure about the modern world: There are way more things now than ever before. A lot of these things are great, but a lot of them are the absolute worst and need to stop. Here are 15 such things that I hope die out like the dinosaurs and JNCOs.
1. Pictures of your dinner.
2. Humble bragging. If you're gonna brag, then brag like a man.
3. 90% of selfies.
4. Pronouncing "GIF" like "JIF." No matter what their inventor says. Read More...
The waiting finally ends tomorrow night. "Guy Court" officially premieres with two episodes starting at 11p/10c on MTV2. We're starting the party early on "Guy Code Podcast" by welcoming one of the show's lawyers, Dan Soder.
Ryan Ling and Ryan McKee talk to Dan about shooting the new courtroom show, how competitive it got between the comedian-lawyers and which case was the most difficult for him to argue. Dan also talks about growing up with a single mom, learning his work ethic from coworkers at an Alaska fishery and just how much time and effort it takes to be successful in standup comedy. Dozens and dozens of readers have asked how they can get on "Guy Code." According to Dan, it took him years of paying his dues every night on stage. They close with Dan telling one of his craziest stories (which MTV Other recreated in their "Inside Joke" series) and fan questions from Twitter and Facebook.
We're almost at the first quarter of the college year, and that means you've probably already done a ton of things to disappoint your parents. Lucky for you, they never have to know how gross you are! Here's a few lies you can slip Mom and Dad when they call to let 'em think you're still their sweet little angel.
1. "I sound tired? Yeah, I've been studying anatomy super hard lately."
2. "Can you send me some more money? It's for extra-extra tutoring."
3. "You can't believe all the pictures you see on Facebook -- that party is totally Photoshopped."
Every group of friends has a loser. He's fun to have around, but when he isn't around, most of the time's spent making jokes about what a dope he is. Are you that loser? Here's 10 things to look out for to make sure everybody isn't laughing when you leave.
1. Whenever you show up, your friends go, "Oh, you're here."
2. Everybody ignores your request for game night.
3. There's an e-mail thread dedicated to reasons why you suck.
4. You can't get anybody to come with you to the ska concert. Read More...
There's nothing wrong with a woman presenting herself as, um, sexually liberated. Some guys (and fellow ladies) might judge her for it, but certain occasions demand it. Since Halloween is over, here are six other times when acting scandalous is totally appropriate.
1. Bachelorette Parties
A woman gets engaged and her still-single friends immediately think one thing: Why can't I find a guy? Well, a bachelorette party is their night on the town to try. The tiaras are ordered, the penis paraphernalia is procured, the drinks are mixed (strong) and the bridesmaids search for love in all the wrong places. Is that so wrong?
2. Mardi Gras
If aliens arrived on earth, they'd assume that Mardi Gras is humanity's most sacred mating ceremony. Call it a festival or call it an excuse for wannabe nudists, we're not complaining. What guy would complain when ladies will show off their naughty bits in exchange for some plastic beads?
3. Music Festivals
Everyone's in a giant field, ingesting various dehydrating substances (some of them legal) under a blazing sun. And then the music starts playing, and you further work up a sweat by dancing. Can you blame anyone for removing most/all of her clothes?
When you buy a new pair of jeans, you wear those every day until they turn into dust. So why only wear your Halloween costume once? Here are some ideas on how to reuse that spooky getup and get the most bang for your Halloween buck.
1. Throw Another Costume Party
Who says you can only have a costume party until Oct. 31? (The big corporations, that's who!) Don't throw another Halloween party after November 4 -- it's Thanksgiving's time now, bro -- but you can always recycle those zombie duds for a "Walking Dead" viewing party, your 1920s suit for a "Gatsby" party, or both for a "Zombie Gatsby" party.
2. Become A Furry
It seemed weird to you at first, but after you and that random girl hooked up as "Tony the Tiger" and "Babs the Bunny," you could see yourself doing this more than once per year. Just be careful when answering requests for "bears." That might be something totally different.
Sometimes, it doesn't even seem worth it to put yourself out there. All the hot ladies are taken and all the ones who aren't taken are, well, probably out of your league. Then, when you least expect it, you meet that magical unicorn: A hot girl who is single and acknowledges your existence! Eureka! Then again, wait, why is she single?
1. She Has High Standards
You probably have friends who claim they won't date any girl who's "less than a 10," then rate supermodels as fours. Some girls are just as picky. Let her keep searching for that Hugh Jackman lookalike who's also a doctor; she'll never be satisfied with your sorry ass.
2. She Just Broke Up With Some Guy
Perhaps it didn't work out with her boyfriend. Good news for you if she's looking to replace him. Bad news if she's "not in a place" to date anyone new, and doesn't expect to be for the next several months/years.
It's the most mo-magical time of the year: Movember! Whether you're a first-time grower or a longtime sporter, chances are you're already rocking it like a pro -- so why not go all the way? Here's how to transition from casual mustache enthusiast to full-fledged professional.
1. Register For A Mustache Beauty Pageant
Held in Portland, Oregon, The World Beard And Moustache Championships (yeah, they spell it "Moustache") is where the planet's facial hair heavyweights gather to vie for the title of world's greatest mustache. The 2014 games will be held in September, so you have almost a year to prepare.
2. Choose A Category
The mustache and beard game is all about finding your niche. Are you a "Hungarian" (big and bushy, hair extending outward) or a "Dali" (slender with the tips curled upward)? Choosing the specific Championships category you'd like to enter will start you on the path to facial art success. It will also allow you to work on a persona that best showcases your type of mustache.
You don't want to be the guy who lazily keeps his Christmas decorations up 'til spring, just like you don't want a rotting, festering jack-o-lantern on your front porch after Halloween. Either make a delicious pie out of that thing, or find a way to dispose of it. And if you're anything like YouTube user Hickok45, a trigger-happy weapons enthusiast who lives on some kind of rural "compound" with more tools of death than the average World War requires, then tossing your gourd into the garbage just ain't gonna cut it.
Each year, Mr. Hickok breaks out his ludicrous arsenal (and the occasional oddity like the anvil above) for a lethal demonstration on a bunch of innocent pumpkins, which he claims to despise. Never offer this guy a pumpkin spice latte. Watch one of his videos below, and then click over to the "Tosh.0" blog for a bunch more pumpkin punishment:
You don't want to rush sweater season. Sure, some August nights run cool, but then halfway through your second beer pong game, you're sweating and getting itchy. Then the brand new, back-to-school wool jumper winds up either balled in the corner or, God forbid, tied around the waist or neck.
But with pumpkins on every stoop and in every coffee, smoke puffing from every chimney and the smell of death gathering in every pile of leaves, it's safe to say that sweater weather has finally arrived. Here's how to survive this bleak stretch of gray days with style, grace and distinction.
What To Avoid
Credit: Getty Images
You'll want to steer clear of anything with a floppy neck, turtle or otherwise, unless you're going for the falling-out-of-the-birth-canal look. Also, avoid those wool ponchos that could double as a rug to roll up mob hits. That's soccer mom stuff.