Photo via Ragecomic
A retirement community is not exactly a young man's paradise, but many of us get stuck visiting the grandparents in Florida from time to time, and we have to make the best of it. Before you go insane and throw yourself in front of a golf cart, take our advice on maximizing your time among the geriatrics.
1. Taunt An Alligator
Florida retirement communities are teeming with wildlife, and alligators are at the top of the food chain. Your first objective is to establish dominance over these creatures, thereby showing the entire neighborhood who's boss. Find the nearest alligator and bunny-hop its head with your grandma's hybrid bicycle that she bought at Walmart. Word will spread fast that you are a fearless daredevil.
2. Buy The Right Shirt
All the coolest old geezers in the community wear high-performance polo T-shirts, and you should follow suit. Find a nice polo that wicks moisture from your body, and wear it everywhere, even to bingo. The old ladies will think you're so handsome!
3. Play Mahjong
Speaking of old ladies, there are plenty of sexy septuagenarians in these mahjong clubs that are waiting for a young scamp like you to swoop in for the kill! Don't worry about learning the rules. They will teach you, and they will like it, because you're a dreamboat.
4. Hit The Gym
For once, your 135 lb. bench press max will shatter records and blow minds. Make sure to use a spotter who is not a fossil.