Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Oakland A's outfielder Josh Reddick raised the bar for whipped cream pieings last season when he dressed up in a Spider-Man (a.k.a. "Pie-der Man") costume and smashed Coco Crisp after a 13th-inning walk-off sacrifice fly. It's one of baseball's entertaining, delicious traditions. Tastes like victory!
We look forward to more major leaguers getting creative like Reddick (and creamed like Crisp) in 2013. Read on for different stylistic approaches to the art of pie smashing.
If you ever visit England, you'll be tempted to distract those guards in stupid hats who are supposed to keep a straight face at all times. They probably won't react to your douchebaggery...but never test your luck with a street performer.
In this video from Australia, a guy in a purple shirt harasses a silent cowboy who's trying to entertain a crowd. He did entertain the crowd, but not in the way that the heckler expected.
Our favorite YouTube comment: "As a street performer... I understand where that punch came from very strongly. Some people will treat you as an object and a few feel entitled to do whatever they would do to a lamp post. If you've ever worked in customer service or serving you'll recognise this." In other words: Don't be a dick. And don't wear purple.
St. Patrick's Day was originally celebrated as a religious holiday honoring one of Ireland's most famous patron saints. Now it's an entirely different celebration honoring whiskey, Guinness, the art of getting wasted and your ability to get to the hot chick's pot of gold. Thanks, Ireland. Sorry, Catholic Church.
Before you head out to black out (green out?), and wrestle your way into a bar filled with people dressed like leprechauns, take a look at these GIFs that are totally ready to throw back some Irish car bombs on March 17th. (By the way, NEVER order an "Irish car bomb" from an Irish bartender.) You might pick up a few pointers for holding down your booze. Or you might get a glimpse into the future of your weekend...
St. Paddy's can get kinda confusing. Not just because you spend 24 hours drinking more Jameson than water, but because there's so much going on. Between parades and old Irish sayings you learn (then mispronounce all night), it's hard to keep everything straight.
The bar ratio goes something like this: For every fun-loving, Irish-appreciating drinker, there are about 15-20 a-holes. Those aren't good odds, fellas. Tread lightly.
B is for Bar Transformations
Is the sports bar on your block owned by an old Russian dude? No matter; on St. Patrick's Day, every watering hole is an Irish pub. It doesn't take much to bring in the crowds: a couple shamrock signs and some specials on Guinness will do the trick. How do you know you're in a real Irish pub? The bartender looks pissed, and you don't get light-up shamrock earrings with your third pint.
C is for Car Bombs
We're not sure who decided it was okay to name a drink something this offensive, or how such an abhorrent combination of liquors became so popular, but alas. It's easy to spot a Car Bomb drinker--they're the same folks who can be heard shouting "four Jag-UH bombs!" to the bartender on the other 364 days of the year. If you're in a real Irish pub, they're the ones knocked out on the floor by the Irish bartender for ordering one.
St. Patrick's Day has something to do with religion, but you're gonna party on March 17th. You know it, we know it, St. Patrick himself knows it. Unfortunately, countless amateurs make countless mistakes on this holiday. Do yourself a favor and read on to prevent yourself from screwing up like one of them.
1. Pace Yourself
This is a marathon, not a sprint. You're not Usain Bolt and there's no gold medal to win (unless you think a Sharpie'd penis on your face is a reward). This is St. Patrick's DAY, not St. Patrick's Take-As-Many-Shots-of-Irish-Whiskey-As-Humanly-Possible HOUR.
Avoid being a One & Done by taking your time. We're all in this together. You don't need to prove how much green beer you can chug, or else you'll just prove that the police can find you passed out nude in a 7-11 parking lot.
2. Stay On The Sidewalk At The Parade
True, you might be wearing a green onesie with a cape (superhero alias: "Lieutenant Lager"), but let's keep our s*** together. It might seem fun to charge at the shamrock-covered floats while air-spanking a little person dressed as a leprechaun. It is not.
3. If You're Not Irish, Don't Pretend You Are
It's inevitable. You'll be tempted to do an Irish jig and speak with an Irish accent so bad that you belong in the next Guy Ritchie flick. Don't. No, we mean it. Please. It's bad enough the meaning of St. Patrick's Day has been completely mutilated--no Irish person wants to see dumb stereotypes reinforced by your attempt to Riverdance.
St. Patrick's Day, a day of mirth, merriment, and running into a whole bunch of complete and utter morons. Below, we present the five most-common types of idiots you'll encounter while pub crawling on March 17.
Erin Go Blah
Even if you have no interest in the bar scene, on St. Patrick's Day it's still impossible to avoid wasted revelers. Erin Go Blah will vomit all over the sidewalk in front of your apartment because he started chugging green beer before his sausage and pancakes breakfast. Read More...
St. Patrick's Day is about more than Guinness, corn beef and feeling proud of your Irish heritage (whether or not you're actually Irish). It's also about wearing hilarious, groan-worthy green t-shirts. Here's the best of 'em we found online.
Last week, hoodie enthusiast and Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg unveiled new changes to the site, including bigger photos and links so advertisers can get even more up in your grill. When it goes live, everybody will whine nonstop for two days and then completely forget about what Facebook looked like before--but we're actually hoping Zuck changes it even more. Here are the features we want to see in the next update.
1. Sonogram Filter
At some point, all your friends start posting baby photos constantly. Even worse, some of them post creepy 3D sonograms of tiny in utero aliens. Who needs those graphic spy-cam pics from the womb? You can "hide" them, but you can never unsee them.
2. Abolish The Poke
No one uses it except for creeps and weird uncles.
You've booked the tickets and bought the sunblock. Your passport's valid, your body's ripped and you took out enough cash from the ATM to post bail...but you still feel like you're forgetting something. Our friends at BroBible have you covered:
Protect Your Phone
Under normal circumstances, losing your phone nowadays constitutes a minor crisis--the most painful of which includes figuring how to wittily word your "lost phone, need yo numbers" event page. But on Spring Break? Not a good way to relax, that’s for sure.
This thing is your lifeblood, now more than ever. Take the extra step and install security software...which will ensure that if your phone is lost or stolen, you could locate and temporarily lock it from unwanted and shady characters.
During last night's "Guy Code" episode, we asked you to tweet us (and Andrew Schulz) your best "Yo Mama" jokes. Holy crap, you guys know a lot of them. Here's the insults that made us laugh hardest, even if we heard some of them in elementary school...back when Yo Mama had just celebrated her 90th birthday.
1. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh.
@mtv2guycode Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners #GuyCode