Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Do you need a mullet wig, piercings and fake vampire teeth but can only make one stop? Then just go to the Halloween Adventure store in New York City.
Standup comic Ray DeVito visits Halloween Adventure, the biggest Halloween store in New York City, and speaks with Tony, the store's owner, about the seemingly endless supply of sexy costumes available. Surprisingly, sexy Cookie Monster is always a popular choice.
The store doesn't just offer costumes. You can also get piercings from Defacto, the stores piercing expert. Ask nicely and Defacto will even show you his horrific scars from his self-mutilation performances. If that's not your thing, you can get fake vampire teeth put in your mouth in a van parked outside the store. Don't worry, it's legit!
In "Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa," now in theaters, Johnny Knoxville travels cross-country in costume as 86-year-old Irving Zisman, pranking whippersnappers and causing mayhem. Most grandfathers aren't as demented as Irving, of course, and your grampy is an invaluable source of Guy Code wisdom. He's been around a long time and picked up a lot of hard-learned lessons, so listen close and heed your elder. Here are the most memorable one-liners that Guy Code Bloggers and our Twitter followers heard from our pop-pops...
Halloween isn't just about girls dressing up in sexy costumes, candy and parties. For a well-rounded holiday, you can't just have the "treat" part. You need the "trick" part as well (and no, I don't mean "trick" as in prostitute). Don't do anything illegal! But you should plan some kind of prank, preferably aimed at your uptight friend who hates Halloween.
Dan Soder, Chris Distefano and Damien Lemon took a break from shooting "Guy Code" season four to discuss Halloween pranks. They each have experience with tricking people. Just don't take it too far and hurt somebody, otherwise Chris will find you and kick your ass.
It's never too difficult to find scantily clad ladies at Halloween parties, but the last thing you want to do is to approach any of them with a frightening pick-up line. Employ any of these charming openers on the masquerading woman of your dreams, and she'll fall right into your freakishly large Incredible Hulk arms.
1. "Why dress as a French Maid when you could have gone in plainclothes as 'Most Beautiful Woman at the Halloween Party'?"
2. "Yes, I purchased this Batman costume -- but the codpiece had to be custom made."
3. "Love that zombie costume. Betcha I can bring you back from the dead -- well, certain parts of you."
For some reason it's socially unacceptable to leave pizza or burgers rotting for weeks on your porch, but "festive" when it comes to pumpkins, as long as you decoratively carve them. After hauling that massive gourd home from the grocery store, though, do you really have the energy to make it look as impressive as Michelangelo's David? No, and that's why you want the laziest option possible, just like with everything else in your life.
Well, GIF Code is here with some truly effortless ideas, because figuring out what you'll be for Halloween -- never mind your jack-o'-lantern -- already requires too much effort.
What's the best Halloween costume you've ever rocked? After the 2008 Summer Olympics, my girlfriend and I dressed as Huo Liang and Lin Yue, the Chinese synchronized divers who won gold. That got a lot of looks. As a kid, I wanted to dress up like Mr. T one year. My mom rubbed charcoal on my skin to darken it ... let's just say it was a less politically correct era.
Dan Soder, Jon Gabrus, Chris Distefano and Damien Lemon took a break from shooting "Guy Code" season four to talk about their best and worst costumes of Halloweens past. Chris also reveals that girls have been tweeting him to say they're dressing up like his girlfriend, Carly Aquilino, this season. Ladies, if you do that, please tweet us the photos.
The Miami Dolphins and Ryan Tannehill started out hot this season, going 3-0, but have since cooled off, losing three in a row. Tannehill has been up and down this year, averaging 16.51 fantasy points per game, but things may get a little easier against the banged-up New England Patriots' secondary, and I've got him going for 18.5. Regardless of how the Dolphins look, there is plenty of talent in Miami, and Lauren Tannehill is no exception. She's a 10.5, a call so easy even the ref from the Patriots-Jets game could get it right, bringing their total to 29.0.
Not so long ago, the dapper gents over at Esquire proclaimed, "A man over the age of 30 should not own a futon or a beanbag chair." Consider us guilty, but the truth is that -- in our awesomely materialistic society -- your possessions say a lot about you. Those superhero underwear might impress girls in college, but once you've graduated, it's time to invest in some classier stuff.
Fortunately, Buzzfeed compiled the items you'll need to purchase. That suit and tie might set you back a paycheck or two, but you just can't put a price on self-respect.
Each week, "Guy Code" creator/executive producer Ryan Ling and I, Ryan McKee, invite cast members, comedians and other celebrities to talk about all things male. This week the beautiful and funny April Rose graces our podcast studio (aka Ling's office). She talks about what girls really want from men and admits ladies are a little insane when it comes to relationships. We also talk about how not to be a creepy fan online, April's beginnings as a model and on "Guy Code," what it's like meeting Siegfried & Roy and her odd urge to kick small dogs. April also answers your fan questions from Twitter and Facebook. Stop reading and just listen.
It's World Series time again, and just because you know absolutely nothing about baseball doesn't mean you have to sit there like a dummy while your friends talk about last night's game. (At least, the parts they stayed awake for.) Never fear, here are all the facts you need to keep yourself in the know for this year's Fall Classic.
1. Both Fan Bases Suck
The Cardinals and Red Sox boast the most obnoxious fans in baseball, aside from the Yankees. The Cardinals' true believers call themselves "The Best Fans In Baseball," which makes them "The Worst People Alive," and Red Sox fans are from Boston, which means they think it's totally cool to be an a-hole. Boston, you've won titles in all four major sports over the past 10 years -- feel free to get that chip off your shoulder!
2. Yadier Is King Of The Molinas
Yadier Molina is not only the greatest of baseball's three Molina catchers; he's also the only one who isn't super fat. Search Google Images for "Bengie and Jose," and know that anyone's MLB dreams can come true...anyone's.
3. It's A Rematch
These two teams met in the 2004 World Series, back when the Red Sox finally broke the "Curse Of The Bambino" and should've stopped screaming all the time. Mike Matheny, now the Cardinals' manager, is one of two 2004 Cardinals still involved with the team. If the Red Sox win, there's a pretty good chance he's gonna break down in tears, charge the mound and give Dustin Pedroia a beating nearly a decade in the making.