Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
PORTLAND, OR: home to Powell's books, Carrie Brownstein and the Bridgetown Comedy Festival, currently in its fifth year. The festival has grown from a handful of venues, including including the basement of producer Andy Wood, to nine plus stages including a two theaters and a major comedy club.
This is my first year at the festival. I'm excited to leave NYC for some greener scenery fresh air and make the flight with fellow comic Emily Heller, who decides to eat a box of onion rings and have a one-woman mile-high fart off. When we arrive in Portland, the fresh air almost knocks me over. Probably because I flew next to someone who attempting to completely replace all the oxygen in the plane with her own gas.
Clutch Cuts is our morning edition of the best of the web, a diversion from work or something to get you through those hazy minutes between waking up and actually doing something productive. You'll find viral videos, sports, music, ladies, weirdness and miscellaneous nonsense.
Above: Sofia delivers during her monologue on SNL, wearing some kind of dominatrix outfit.
Bubba Watson with his very awkward handshake after Masters win
It's Good Friday. That means GIFs from the movie "Friday" are in order, because it's really good, hence Good Friday. For those who grew up outside of the church, Good Friday commemorates the death of Jesus Christ. Kind of a bummer, we know, but don't worry, he made a spectacular comeback on Easter Sunday.
Obviously, "Friday" has nothing to do with the holiday, but who cares? This movie completely changed the landscape in 1995. Written by two rappers, Ice Cube and DJ Pooh, and directed by music video director F. Gary Gray, it came out of nowhere and made white suburban teenagers everywhere believe South Central L.A. is a hilarious place to live. John Witherspoon (pictured above) nails the role of Craig's dad and Chris Tucker's portrayal of Smokey turned him (briefly) into the hottest comedy star around. Plus, if it hadn't been for "Friday," Ice Cube might still be a terrifying rapper instead of a soft and cuddly step-dad. Read More...
Throughout the past two weeks, you voted for your favorite "Guy Code" Season 1 wisdom narrowing down the opponents until Melanie Iglesias won the tournament with her expert advice on sex--specifically, Getting Freaky. Head over to the "Guy Code" Facebook page to see her thank you video and nab that kiss she blows at the end (let's be honest, that's probably our closet shot at getting with her).
As promised, we also have your reward for voting in all five bracket rounds. Here is your exclusive sneak peek at the "Guy Code: Spring Break Survival Guide" airing Tuesday, April 10th at 11p/10c on MTV2. In this preview, Mike Posner lists his idea of a good ass spring break. We'll give you a hint: it involves beaches, boobs and booze. We can't think of anything else you'd need. Watch the video below and let us know your ideal spring break on Twitter!
"Community"'s Joel McHale didn't attend community college with Chevy Chase or Donald Glover. (We hope you knew that already. That only happens in television land.) In reality, he attended Washington University in his hometown of Seattle. McHale's choice for higher education was an easy one, because as he admits, Wash U was one of the few schools that accepted him.
You'd think the snarky and slender host of "The Soup" spent his college days bumming around comedy open mics or playing hacky sack near girls sunning themselves on campus lawns. Well, you'd be wrong. MTV Clutch's faithful readers will remember that McHale topped our list of most surprisingly celebrities to play college football. Even more dumbfounding, he wasn't the kicker. McHale played tight end. To grasp how insane that is, click here to see a photo of McHale next to tight end Rob Gronkowski.
There's a lot to be learned about McHale's college experience, and you can learn bunch of it from his episode of mtvU's "When I Was In College."
Standup comic Aziz Ansari was at Central Park first-thing Monday morning to mow the lawn. His "Parks And Recreation" character, Tom Haverford, would've ditched an event this early, but Ansari showed up ready to ride a giant lawn mower across the park's Sheep Meadow (sorry, does not actually contain sheep). He teamed up with the real life parks and recreation crew to do the ceremonial first cutting, which happens annually one week before the meadows and ballparks of Central Park officially open to the public.
Once he finished his chores, MTV Clutch got the chance to ask him a few questions.
Aren't you glad you worked so hard at your comedy career so you could cut somebody else's grass?(laughs) Yeah, it's quite an honor to mow the lawn. Read More...
The results for our "Guy Code" Season 1 Bracket of Wisdom are in! Melanie Iglesias's Getting Freaky has beat out The Crew's Julian McCullough with 69% of the vote (seriously, that's the real percentage). She's taking home the big prize, or trophy, or whatever we've got lying around the office. We'll give it to her to commemorate this incredible triumph. In a field rich with wisdom, the winning nugget was offered by a hot chick, which is essentially the only way useful advice effectively works on a man. So maybe this result shouldn't be terribly surprising.
What was Ms. Iglesias's winning bit of knowledge? It was this:
"You know you've gone too far when your partner just stops having sex with you."
Well put, Melanie, well put. If that sort of blabber came out of a man's mouth, all we'd hear is a droning hum while we scanned the horizon for something more interesting. Watch Guy Code on MTV2 for more words to live by (sometimes delivered by hot girls). Also, check back with Clutch later this week--we'll have an exclusive clip from the upcoming special "Guy Code Spring Break Survival Guide" airing April 10 at 11 p.m. on MTV2.
It's that time, folks. On Wednesday, you narrowed down your favorite "Guy Code" Season 1 wisdom to our last two contenders and we have your Final Four results. Click the topics below to watch a video from each category and make sure to vote after the jump.
In Relationships vs. The Crew, Julian McCullogh battled his own advice with The Friend Zone vs. Wingman. Looks like our readers liked how he compared girls to Vietnam over his brutal honesty of girls not f***ing them—as Wingman took 58.33 percent of the votes.
In Sex vs. Upkeep, Sex continues to be the fan favorite, with Getting Freaky stealing 70.97 percent of the votes over Manscaping. We're hard-pressed not to side with anything the sexy Melanie Iglesias says, especially when it's her talking about getting horizontal. However, with Upkeep knocked off the bracket, we really hope you guys continue to keep up with your grooming--at least for the sake of those around you.
And there you have it, the final two. Will Sex continue to dominate, or can Julian hold his winning streak and MVP status by bringing home the trophy for The Crew? Vote now to determine the Championship winner of the first ever "Guy Code" Bracket of Wisdom. Check back on Monday for the results and keep an eye out next week for the unveiling of an exclusive clip from the upcoming special "Guy Code Spring Break Survival Guide" airing April 10 at 11 p.m. on MTV2.
Comedian Tom Sibley created the popular blog Subway Douchery, which makes fun of subway dimwits. Now he lives in subway-deficient Los Angeles and must mock people on the roads as Rubbernecker.
To protect and to serve...and to park as we please! I'll be the first to admit that the authorities have earned the right to park in places that us civilians aren't allowed. It's essential to the execution of their job. To stop them from parking wherever they please would put innocent lives at risk. Have I laid it on thick enough? I think so. All that being said, parking like this in front of a 7-Eleven is just a slap in all our law-abiding faces. We all try to properly stuff ourselves into these tiny spaces out of respect to humanity, but then this po-po pops in and does whatever he wants because his shotgun is mounted on the dash.
I happened to be inside this 7-Eleven purchasing the essentials, (milk, eggs, Spicy Nacho Doritos) when the officer entered. He was the kind of cop that is always filming his own personal sequel to "Training Day" in his imagination. Let's just say his sunglasses never came off and he walked into the employees-only bathroom like he owned the place. Or at least like someone that was no stranger to their toilet. I felt as if he was going to write me a ticket for my Doritos exceeding the state of California's "Spicy Limit." All this being said, I got in my car, put on the "Drive" soundtrack and pretended to be Ryan Gosling for the next couple hours whilst eating my Doritos. So who am I to complain?