Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
For those who've been living under a rock and haven't been watching this season of "Guy Code," every man has a Susan Glenn--that perfect girl who got away. Comedian Chris Distefano recently opened up about his Susan Glenn, "Puerto Rican Jenny." After fantasizing about wooing her like "West Side Story," he tried to bust a move for her at a school dance but ended up busting his hammy.
Distefano claims to have learned from the experience, but as the following animated GIFs prove, he still needs to work on his moves.
"Guy Code" tackles (figuratively) cops tonight on MTV2, which got us thinking about police on the big screen, specifically the kind of cops that definitely shouldn't be cops. We're talking about the most inept, buffoonish, disorderly and least-qualified-to-wear-the-badge kind of cops, not the corrupt kind (Rosie Perez in "Pineapple Express," Matt Damon in "The Departed") or the type who uses nontraditional means to clean up criminals ("Lethal Weapon," "Bad Boys"). This isn't to say we don't like these officers of the law ... they're just destructive and in most cases, horrible cops.
You may know Donnell Rawlings as Ashy Larry from "Chappelle's Show," or that ex-con aide to Senator Clay Davis in "The Wire," or as that one dude from "Spider Man 2" or most notably as one of the hilarious comedians on MTV2's "Guy Code." Tonight you'll know him as the all-knowing wizard answering your #AskGuyCode questions on Twitter from 10:15-10:45 pm. So go study up on Season 2, get your questions ready for his big brain to solve and prepare yourself for an all-new episode of "Guy Code" at 11p.
Meet comedian Jon Daly, on the left. His name is one letter off from infamous pro golfer John Daly, on the right. The comedian has launched the Jo(h)n Daly Project (a.k.a. Jon Daly is John Daly), which basically aims to flood Google Images with photos of Jon Daly (comedian) when you search for John Daly (golfer). Still with us? OK, good. This is known as a Google Bomb. Previous victims of such internet trickery include Rick Santorum and ESPN's Craig James. It is always funny. But this one takes the practice to another level by going the image route.
Why is Jon Daly doing this? Because it is slightly insane and completely rad, just like John Daly. (Here's the longer explanation.) And we want to help. All you have to do is go to his site and Like or Tweet or otherwise share the photos he's uploaded of himself as John Daly. Or you can Photoshop your own and send them around.
We can't just tell you to help spread the photos like wildfire without chipping in ourselves, so we're sharing some of our favorite "John Daly" photos below.
Ask any guy to describe his kind of "good ass night," and you'll probably get some crazy R-rated material that you can sell to the sex-obsessed women at Cosmopolitan. If you're looking to cash in on dudes' dream-night fantasies, though, don't ask Kevin Hart. In this season two sneak peek of "Guy Code," premiering tomorrow at 11/10c on MTV2, Hart talks about his idea of a "good ass night" and, we have to admit, it is pretty dirty. Dirty as in pretty freakin' gross, that is. Hart has a pretty interesting routine for pleasing himself when he comes home sore from football practice, and it makes him feel so good that he sometimes forgets to shower and goes right to sleeping like a baby. Get your mind out of the gutters, guys, because it's probably not what you're thinking.
Stop what you're doing because we're about to drop some mad knowledge on you with this valuable life tip: become a sarcastic person because then you can say anything you want and get away with it. You can make fun of someone to their face and, even though you totally mean it, they'll just laugh it off because you're just funny! In this season two sneak peek of "Guy Code," premiering tomorrow at 11/10c on MTV2, the guys tell us how sarcasm can mask the truth and get you out of some deep s***. Sarcastic truth-telling, the technical term for this skill, must be used convincingly through turning the blame on the other person by making whatever they're accusing you of so hilariously absurd that it can't be true. Plus, it's guilt-free; it's not like you're lying, you're just not exactly owning up to it. Trust us, it'll come in handy someday.
The third season of "Workaholics" is in full swing and their cult of viewers couldn't be happier. Comedy Central's offbeat sitcom about the office antics of three all-play-no-work dudes has become a pipe dream for American slackers across the country. Why can't partying instead of working be our main priority? Why can't we have co-workers who will eat ceiling tile with us? Would we get fired if we showed up to work wearing a bear costume?
Hell, that's why it's become one of our favorite shows. And the reason we're so excited for this exclusive bloopers clip from the new "Workaholics'" DVD and Blu Ray releases. If you're like us, you'll want to pick up the "Workaholics" Season Two DVD or the Seasons One & Two Combo Daddy Blu Ray release to revisit all your favorite stupid/hilarious moments. Or this is a great opportunity to catch up on the show that should already be on your "must-watch" schedule, but you've been slacking. It's OK, you can slack on watching slackers and be forgiven...but not forever. Watch the exclusive blooper featurette below and get on track.
Since season two ended on Sunday night, we've been going through some severe "Game Of Thrones" withdrawal. How are we supposed to get our weekly fix of bloodshed and sexposition and dragons? We've tried bandying about phrases like "the realm" and "the iron price" and "power is power," but they just aren't catching on in the daily lexicon. We can't afford the $30,000 iron throne replica.
Luckily, Buzzfeed pointed us to this wonderful, nerdy, badass "Game Of Thrones" rap that samples the song from the HBO show's opening credits. Just how dorky is this? Rapper Dominik Omega starts off by calling out the fairweather TV fans (i.e. us) who only watch the show and haven't read the colossal books. Also, the song is actually good! So who the hell is Dominik Omega? We have no idea, but we'd now like to see him sack Kings Landing and valiantly lead the Seven Kingdoms.
Check it out below, and we defy you not to hit "replay" as soon as it's over.
It's always awkward when the most clueless celebrities appear on sports shows pretending that they know even one thing about sports. Luckily, Jay Pharoah, the comedian and "Saturday Night Live" cast member best known for his hilarious impersonations, proved on ESPN's "First Take" Tuesday morning that he not only knows a thing or two about basketball, but he also has a damn good time showing us that he does.
Pharoah has parodied Stephen A. Smith on "SNL" in the past, mimicking Smith's extreme yelling and random outrages, so seeing the two sit side by side is fun, especially when Pharaoh whipped out his best Smith impersonation. Pharoah also followed it up with spot-on imitations of Denzel Washington, Charles Barkley and Eddie Murphy.
In the clip below, Pharoah also takes a dig at Paul Pierce, whom he calls a diva and an actress, getting Smith all riled up. For the record, Pharoah's a Thunder fan, and said that they would have a good shot against the Heat if the two teams were to meet in the NBA finals.
To see more of Pharoah's impersonations on "First Take," check out this video.
Car Alarm Symphony, the latest mass prank from Improv Everywhere, involved 100 recruits simultaneously sounding off their car alarms in a huge Staten Island mall parking lot in between a Lowe's and a Kohl's. Pegged as a sequel to IE's 2006 prank Cell Phone Symphony, in which hundreds of phones went off in a library, this mass prank falls flatter than its predecessor as it's more deafeningly annoying than funny.
The unknowing people's reactions, which are usually the best part of IE's pranks, are uncharacteristically boring to watch, probably because the victims drove away as soon as the alarm attack began. After all, the "symphony" sounds more like an alien invasion, which would definitely have us hauling ass out of there.
In other news, sales of hearing aids have mysteriously skyrocketed in Staten Island.