2011 is going to be an awesome year for vampire sex, because, as we just learned today, "Twilight" is joining the ranks of "True Blood" with naked bodies and lots of smushing. That's right, folks, Kristen Stewart is going to sport her birthday suit in "Breaking Dawn" and get down with costar Robert Pattinson. At least that's what some guy who read the movie script is saying.
"If [Director Bill Condon] sticks to the script, we're told by sources on set that one 'Twilight' star is going to be stripping down...way down...The script actually has Kristen practically naked in it, a lot," reports E! online.
Of course, the studio will need to keep the PG-13 rating, so basically fans should expect to see only as much sex and bare buns that Hollywood is allowed to show 13-year-olds. As for the meaning of "practically naked," well, we're not sure what it means. Wildly speculate, you say? Don't mind if we do! Here's what "practically naked" might look like:
+ The big scene will actually involve all characters completely nude but, à la "Austin Powers," all reproductive organs will be obscured by strategically placed objects in the room.
+ Kristen borrows her getup from her stripper scenes in "Welcome To The Rileys" and Bella performs a racy lap dance for Edward, gets down to underwear and pasties, then the screen goes black.
+ It will be loving and sensual. After Edward takes Bella to dinner (Olive Garden) and a movie ("Transformers 3"), he professes his love to her and the they make sweaty vampire love underneath the sheets.
+ It's not loving at all. Edward indeed takes Bella to the Olive Garden (when you're there, you're family), but Jacob happens to be dining there the same night. Bella flirts with him, Edward gets pissed, and he and Bella spend the entire night arguing only to resolve their angst with "make-up sex," which gets caught by a shaky camera that prevents Kristen's nude figure from ever coming into focus.
Do these sound about right? We think so.
Via E! Online
Photo: Getty Images