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Today's Dumbass: Chinese Cops Save Drowning Sex Doll

Posted 7/25/12 10:30 am EST by in Funny, News, Today's Dumbass


Photo via Huff Post

A bizarre story out of China is just now making the rounds, and we are so grateful it made news stateside. Police in China received a call that there was a woman drowning about 150 feet out in a river. Eighteen cops swarmed to the scene and for 40 minutes they were hard at work, putting together a rescue so dramatic that a crowd of about 1,000 had gathered.

Finally, they snatched the "woman" from the roaring tide...and they found out it was just a deflated blow-up doll. We're sure they were shocked, but not nearly as surprised as the sex doll, judging by her expression.

As if it weren't embarrassing enough, instead of just pulling the patented "nothing to see here" cop move, they actually announced it to the throngs of people and displayed the doll. That's some transparency Serpico would be proud of.

Oh, and fittingly, this happened in the province of Shandong (make your own jokes in comments section).

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Carl Williott (@cwilliott) lives in New York, where he stresses about keeping up with his RSS feeds.

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Wes Welker Joins Fake-Hair Club For Famous Men

Posted 7/24/12 1:30 pm EST by in Celebs, Code Breakers, Sports


Credit: Getty Images

Sure, we've all been known to throw an Xbox controller in a fit of disgust or flip over a Scrabble board after a particularly heated game. But a real man loses with dignity. Even when it comes to hair. If it's gone, and some sort of pill or cream doesn't work, then your options are to just let it go, or look like Donald Trump.

Of course, there is a third, more ridiculous way. And that would be the fake-hair route. Toupees, spray-on hair, plugs, transplants, extensions...it's all just a fancy way of saying FAKE HAIR. Wes Welker is the latest celeb to go to such great lengths to salvage his coif, even agreeing to appear in ads for the doctor who did his procedure. We don't yet know how Welker will look, but judging by these seven famous guys who violate the Never Use Fake Hair bylaw, he'll look ridiculous.

Carlos Boozer

Silverware polish: the original hair-in-a-can. Read More...

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7 'House Of Style' Babes That Made Us Men

Posted 7/24/12 11:00 am EST by in Celebs, Ladies, Photos


Credit: Evan Agostini/Getty Images

MTV's groundbreaking '90s show "House Of Style" is about to be back in a big way, thanks to our pals at MTV Style. Why should you care? Supermodels, that's why.

Before the series, the closest thing to "bringing fashion to the masses" was telling them all to go fight over the clearance rack at Marshall's. This may not matter for you, but it mattered to the girls you were staring at. And the show also brought supermodels into the mainstream. Sure, supermodels had been around since the '80s, but it wasn't until Cindy Crawford, Rebecca Romijn and other mega-babes graced the MTV screen that we saw their normal side, allowing us to delude ourselves into thinking we could nab one someday.

In those days, there was no Internet, so where else could we get behind-the-scenes footage of a Cindy Crawford calendar shoot?  Well now, it's come full circle. The "House Of Style" collection has a huge archive of old footage online, and you can watch stuff like that Cindy shoot, just like in the old days when you had to quickly change the channel when your parents walked in.

Get More: 'House Of Style' Collection at MTV Style

To honor the archive's launch, here are seven HOF "HOS" babes that made us men. Read More...

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Rick Ross Talks Pineapple And Jesus Pieces For Hip-Hop Preview Week

Posted 7/23/12 12:30 pm EST by in Celebs, Hip-hop, Video


Credit: Michael Buckner/Getty Images

All week long MTV will be sitting down with the biggest names in rap to preview the year's most anticipated hip-hop albums. First up is Maybach Music Group bawse Rick Ross, whose record, God Forgives, I Don't, drops on July 31.

If you've seen the cover of the album, your first question is probably, "What's the right amount of Jesus pieces to flash on an album cover?" Well, serving as the Tootsie Pop owl in this particular scenario, Rick Ross lets us in on the answer: 10. You can wear 10 Jesus pieces on an album cover before you start looking like Mr. T.

Ross says the album is "a motion picture, a masterpiece, five-star." That's some Kanye-level confidence right there! As for his influences on the album, it's everything from his post-seizure pineapple diet (seriously, "diced pineapple" never sounded so badass) to the unequivocally badass "Inglourious Basterds." Watch the interview below to get the full preview of Rozay's sure-to-be-huge new album.

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Today's Dumbass: Man Allegedly Breaks Into Homes To Surf Porn

Posted 7/23/12 11:30 am EST by in Funny, News, Today's Dumbass

Credit: Science & Society Picture Library via Getty

Police in Eugene, Oregon arrested a 21-year-old man who they say broke into at least three homes in recent months. For at least one of these break-ins, Antone Forrest Deedward wasn't trying to snatch up some diamonds or cash...he just wanted to fap it out in privacy (it's the simple things in life). On that particular occasion, a woman returned home to find porn on her computer and towels and lubricant set up next to it. Guess he goes by the moniker The Wet Bandit. She then spotted the suspect as he was leaving, but before sprinting away he made a mad dash for the lube. Priorities!

We get it, after the Fred Willard arrest, adult theaters are too risky. So, what ever happened to the library? Are today's jacking creeps too good for the library?

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Carl Williott (@cwilliott) lives in New York, where he stresses about keeping up with his RSS feeds.

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Demi Lovato Flashes Side-Boob At Teen Choice Awards

Posted 7/23/12 10:30 am EST by in Ladies, Photos


Credit: Jason Merritt/Getty Images

The lovely Demi Lovato hosted the Teen Choice Awards last night, but she didn't make her biggest impression on stage. On the red carpet before the show, the former Disney star rocked some major side-boob, and if there's anything we love around here, it's major side-boobage. Some people are up in arms that the 19-year-old would wear something so racy in front of all these impressionable young'uns. We'd say: she set a wonderful example for all the teens in attendance who would one day be adults making their own wardrobe decisions, showing them the stark truths about adulthood, about how you have to put yourself out there, and degrade and debase yourself to get what you want. By introducing several young people the side-boob concept, she helped ensure that one day, one glorious day, we will reach that ultimate dream society in which side-boob reigns and poverty is on the wane but mainly side-boob reigns. Thank you for doing your part, Demi. We will honor you with photos below.


Credit: Jason Merritt/Getty Images

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R.A. The Rugged Man Admits These Movies Make Him Cry

Posted 7/20/12 3:00 pm EST by in Funny, Movies, Video

We've got another installment of "Film School With R.A. The Rugged Man," as our favorite movie buff  lets us in on the movies that made him cry. First up is "The Champ," about a "bum, loser fighter" who's worshiped by his young son. As for the other movie, we were expecting something like "Field of Dreams" or "Saving Private Ryan" and, well, we were way off. You'll have to watch the video below to find out what it is, but we'll give you a hint: it's a musical. You decide if that breaks the Guy Code, and feel free to tell R.A. yourself, because we surely won't.

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For more from NextMovie: Trailers | Movies | DVD & Blu-Ray

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Introducing Guy Code's Olympic Gold Medal Babes

Posted 7/20/12 1:45 pm EST by in Ladies, Photos, Sports


Credit: STR/AFP via Getty

The London Olympics are right around the corner, and in addition to giving you an excuse to paint your face with Old Glory as you watch Bob Costas wax poetic on adversity and courage and triumph, it's also one of the few times in life where you are encouraged-- nay, OBLIGATED --to ogle babes who are wearing nothing but spandex.

But how will you focus on the right athletes with so many to choose from? We're here to help. Throughout the Summer Games we'll be doing a regular feature called Gold Medal Babes. We'll pick a sport, and list the chicks that you should be watching in that sport. And then we'll poll you, the valuable reader, to see who you think is the hottest. The top three vote-getters will receive Gold, Silver, and Bronze medals. (Note: These are Internet medals, and thus only exist in the abstract sense and the women will not be receiving any tangible reward. Sorry, babes. Take it up with corporate!)

So ahead of the games, here are some of the favorites.

Michelle Jenneke

11 GIFs Of Hurdler Michelle Jenneke Dancing Before A Race

Meet Michelle Jenneke, a 19-year-old hurdler from Australia. Her spunky little dance before a race the other day pretty much made the Internet uhsplode. It's great in GIF form, but you really should watch the full video. Is she good at the sport? It would appear that she is, not that it matters for the medals we're handing out.

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The Ultimate David Hasselhoff Memorabilia Guide

Posted 7/20/12 12:30 pm EST by in Celebs, Funny, News

A string of convenience stores in New England implemented a new ad campaign promoting their iced coffee. The campaign relies on life-sized cardboard cutouts of David Hasselhoff holding the beverage (seen above). This is a pretty good idea -- use a little nostalgia and irony to move units. Only, people like the ads too much: over 500 of the cutouts have been stolen.

Which means we've come full circle. People used to clamor for cardboard cutouts of Pamela Anderson in her "Baywatch" reds, and now society has looped back around to an obsession with the man behind Mitch Buchannon instead. Of course, with all the attention, these priceless pop culture artifacts are sure to be protected with extra security. So you Hoff enthusiasts wanna rethink that road trip to some dinky gas station in New England. But don't be discouraged. Your friends will always get a good laugh seeing Hoff in your place. We've put together this list of Hoff memorabilia that will scratch your itch. It can all be yours for just a few bucks on eBay, so check 'em out and start the bidding!

1. Hoff On A Horse

An elegant photo of the shirtless stud on top of a majestic white stallion, captured for all of eternity to hang above your bed.

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Guy Code's New Tumblr Plus 15 Essential Tumblrs

Posted 7/19/12 2:15 pm EST by in Funny, MMA

mtv2:</p> <p>‘Guy Code’ on MTV2 straight ballin’<br />

Season 2 of "Guy Code" premiered this week, and as expected, it was funny and enlightening. Watch the full episode here if you missed it. But did you know there's a shiny new Guy Code Tumblr as well? BIG THINGS are happening in the "Guy Code" world.

We pride ourselves on our ability to direct you to top-notch Tumblrs, like GIFolas Cage and Nicolas Cage Cats and various others that don't involve Nic Cage, so you know we wouldn't steer you wrong. Naturally, we have to point you to our Tumblr. It's got boobs. It's got dick jokes. It's got everything you love about our blog, but in highly digestible, ADD-friendly mini-packets.

We're not here just to shamelessly self-promote. We want to share with you the 15 Tumblrs we can't live without right now.

1. Rappers Looking Like Magicians

It happens more often than you think.

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